goodbye 2010, hello 2011

Dear 2010,

An Ocean Park ‘Abyss’ ride, that’s what you are.

You’ve raised me up to the highest I could have gone, then brought me to my lowest --- several times. But after the ordeal, I’ve come to be thankful that I am alive, and that I am ready for more exhilarating rides.

In order to enjoy the next rides, I need to unload some baggage because they’re really keeping me from having the best time.

To b, I still love you. But it’s something that I’d better not work on. You have moved on. So should I.

To a gay friend whom I like, for the love of god please come out now, it’s 2011. Life is better when you’ve got nothing to hide. Plus have mercy on your SO. I believe he loves you dearly.

To my should-be-next, you are so slow. I’ve lost momentum.

So to hell with all of you. Hahahaha! Naaah, just kidding. Let’s happily go on with our separate lives and look forward to 2011!

2010 has set a good backdrop for the years to come. I’m inclined to believe 2011 is going to be a promising one. I call it the year for calling the shots. The year for making things happen. Gone are the days of being conservative. This is the year of the liberated. Wahahaha!

Cheers!

Blsm

hahahaha

i have an audition on friday for a lead role in a tv show! dear flu, pls leave me alone.

it's been six months...

since we're apart...sigh...

tell you what, i may be anti-social and all... but im afraid to face the loneliness that i need to get through on christmas eve. this is the first ever xmas eve that i'll be alone.

:(

oh no...

I'm starting to hate my job na...

break na sila!

zac efron and vanessa hudgens split! yeeey! hahahaha! nagfifeeling na selfish teenager lang. bwahahahaha

syemay

ang haba na ng hair ko!!! nagfafly away na sya sa likod!!!

im so torn... pagupitan ko kaya tulad ng dati. i feel very liberated kase kapag maikli buhok ko. everyone wants long straight hair.. gusto ko i-in-your-face sa kanila na, what the hell, so what's wrong with short hair?

pero, i really dig nikki gil's 'do. ung wavy na shoulder length. banas na banas ako sa kanya kahit wala syang ginagawa saken... pero naman, ang ganda ng hair nya! parang feeling ko sesexy ako lalo dun. parang nangaakit talaga e. gusto ko bangin' ang aking hairdo sa 2011!

huhummm... dilemma dilemma.

pinoy mafia xmas party

i had super fun last night. we had our xmas party and we really went full blast. we had a rooftop party with overflowing alcohol, abundant food, and our own dj with his dj table... the works!!!

yesterday was the last time i'd be seeing most of them this year, and im going to miss them.. that means 3-4 weeks of non PM weekend activity. huhuhu... but at least they get to see their family. i get to see mine.. im starting to love christmas now!

im really thankful that i have these friends. 2010 is my year. i had b (lost him eventually but 6 months weren't so bad), i got a new job, i traveled, i enjoyed company of friends, i am closer to my family. now am i on a roll or what? cheers!

i got a feeling 2011's going to be better...

so galing kame ng taipei...

taipei is a hit and miss trip. minsan masaya, minsan disappointing ang sites. super pagod. as in di ko na maalala kung kelan ako napagod ng bonggang bonggang ganun... umabot sa point na di ko na nararamdaman ang mga paa ko.

pero overall, it was a very fun trip.. kasama ko ang mga closest friends ko dito sa hk, at mas dumami ang kantyawan, terminologies, at ang aming closeness sa isa't isa.

more kwento soon! ;)

mamaya na!!!

makikita na kita taipei 101!!!

may kilig moment ako today ;)

wahahahahahaha!!! dear lord, more more!!!

nanood ako ng RENT

exaaaagggg!!! super ganda! super galing! it's everything i imagined it to be! well except the annoying chinese pasingit narration. but overall, kung pwede lang magbigay ng infinite thumbs up, ginawa ko na!

kung bibigyan ako ng 5 dates ni lord ng best days of my life, un ay ung pinanganak ako, ung naggraduate ako, ung wedding ko, ung manganganak ako, at huli ay itong nanood ako ng RENT. alam mo ung feeling na you've witnessed something so beautiful, that it makes you want to cry?! ganun ang feeling ko kagabi.

alam mo naman kung gaano ko kagusto ang RENT. di ako nagsasawa sa soundtrack. complete package kase sya. the cast never failed on the numbers, especially on my favorite scenes. actually lahat favorite ko. pero special mention lang ang 'light my candle'. i consider it the most flirtatious song ever, at kagabi talaga kilig na kilig ako.

kasama ko si d nanood pero magkaiba kame ng seat. we're two rows apart at mas malapit ako sa stage. sabi ni d, kitang kita nya daw na ako lang ang nageenjoy dahil medyo napapagroove ako.. ako lang kase gumagalaw. di ko kase mapigilan sumabay kumanta! waaaaahhh!

hanggang ngayon di pa rin ako makaget over! rent is love.

grabe naisip ko lang...

sa aming 4 na magbebestfriends since high school... ako lang pala ang napag-iwanan pagdating sa relationship.

ung isa preggers
ung isa engaged
ung isa nasa 7 (or 8) years na sila nung bf nya
ako single. wala pang prospect.

kung tumanda man akong dalaga, ok lang. ang dami kong iispoil na inaanak! seriously, di ko nafeel na olats ako. basta alam kong i had the time of my life during my peak years. i traveled. i earned money. i met people. ang daming stress factor sa buhay at minsan nadadala ako at nagkakamali... pero sabi nga ng genius that is anne curtis (hahaha, sya pa talaga ang kino-quote ko), we have to do the mistakes while we're young. so we have our whole adult life to make it right. pak! mismo!

ako na! ako na ang jetsetter!

4 countries. 1 month!

woohaaaa!!!

hk-taiwan-philippines-macau

sabi ko na nga ba, 2010 is my best year!

dont you just love weekends?

this weekend, im going home for my mum's 50th birthday! yipee!

next week i'm watching 'rent' musical (woohoo, i get to watch it within the year afterall!) and we're having a two birthday celebrations

weekend after that i'm trying wargame! all 'ya bitches im all gonna shoot you to death! wahahahaha!

then weekend after that, is our group's christmas party! we're camping on our friend's rooftop. it's a costume/bbq/hotpot/alcohol party!

then weekend is my real rest weekend... but you'll never know! i can do my long overdue museum hopping plan here.

then bam ba ba baaaam! christmas! im coming home again! woot woot! my first christmas in the philippines after five years!

then probably new year in macau! i'd love to see their fireworks. woohoo! i live for weekends! uh ah!

nanood ako ng I DO...

pucha winner si bernard! grabe ang mga punchlines. sa totoo lang fan talaga ako ng unrequited love. pag nanonood ako ng movie, gusto ko makatuluyan ng bida ung nagmamahal sa kanya ng walang humpay. at most of the time nakakatuluyan nya pa din ung isa pang bida na ilang beses na sya sinaktan. naiinis ako na parang may amnesia ata ang bida or sadyang bulag sya para di nya marealize na ito ung taong kayang ibigay ang mundo sa kanya. tsk tsk... true love nga naman.. sa lahat ng nabasa at napanood ko na ganito ang scenario, isang picoult novel lang ang naging ganito ang ending. at tuwang tuwa ako. ay mali, pati pala katorse!

sabagay ako din ganyan.. un nga lang ako ung tagabigay ng unrequited love.. wewe...emo na naman! pero seryoso bakit nga ba tayo mahilig magfall sa mga sira ulo? ako talaga aminado ako na trip ko talaga ung ganun. ewan ko ba.. parang enjoy na enjoy tayong ginagago tayo no? parang sarap na sarap tayong magbigay ng second chance, or third chance or fourth at ilang beses pa! may issue ba tayo sa ating self esteem? feeling ba naten di naten deserve ang maging carefree na pagmamahal? feeling ba naten di natin maaachieve ung ideal? or may messiahnic complex ba tayo? feeling ba naten kaya natin silang gawin mabuti at tahakin sa tamang landas?

basta ako lie low muna. i never felt so happy being single. i've got cool friends, i have a supportive family, and i got some money in the bank to spend for my weekend activities... who needs an intimate relationship? i have this sorta deal with a friend. loko loko lang pero alam mo ung feeling na... hmmm, pucha eto na sa wakas.. dami ko sana gusto sabihin about it pero... basta kung papakwentuhin mo ko about dun napakahabang post nun.

anyway, ito ang mga words of wisdom nung character ni janus del prado. galing lang ng metaphors e.





1) ang pag-ibig parang cellphone na nahulog sa toilet bowl. makukuha mo lang kung meron kang lakas ng loob



2) ang pag-ibig parang computer virus. sinisira lahat ng pinaghirapan mo.



3) ang pag-ibig parang dry ice. kung bibitawan mo lang wag mo na hawakan.



4) ang pag-ibig parang crispy pata. masarap pero deadly.



5) ang pag-ibig parang bill ng koryente. ang daming hidden charges wala kang laban.



6) ang pag-ibig hindi parang ATM machine. kuha ka ng kuha magdeposito ka naman.



7) ang pag-ibig parang taxi lang yan. ung iba namimili ng pasahero ako any point of luzon pwede.



8) ang pag-ibig parang multiple choice. ako lang piliin mo buka na bukas papakasal tayo.



9) ang pag-ibig parang bangaw na natrap sa coche. kahit anong bugaw mo di mo pa din mapaalis.



10) ang pag-ibig parang MRT. wag mo isiksik sarili mo kung wala ng lugar. may next train pa naman.



11) ang pag-ibig parang ipis na tinapakan. akala mo patay na, un pala buhay pa.



12) ang pag-ibig parang tinga. kahit anong sungkit mo nakabaon pa din.



13) ang pag-ibig parang multo. sabi sabi lang pero wala namang pruweba



14) ANG WINNER SA LAHAT: make a mistake with me. malay mo makatsamba ka sa maling choice

oh dear...

i swear i started a post on my vietnam trip. but i got so busy with work that i can barely finish it. then i still have my china trip.. then the tagaytay trip... then eventually my nanaj's birthday next week! waaahhh!!! then im coming home for christmas! my first time in 5 yrs. first year i had my sister and mother come over here... then 3 christmases i was with b... now it's time to go back to my family! FFF! family and friends first.

but let me tell you what i've been up to lately. i have this feeling that im gonna die soon (well we should all have that feeling because you never know, right?)... so im doing what i could do. and my credit card is suffering! hahahaha! but what the heck, i work 16 hrs a day so i fuckin' deserve these!

i watched GREASE. aaaahhhh!!! it's lovely! it's cute! it's adult HS musical!!! it makes you want to fall in love in a puppy love kinda way!

then i watched rocky horror picture show. it's not as spectacular as grease, but boy i seriously had a good time.. it's like sitting in a comedy bar only with effective shows and with full audience participation! you got tissue throwing, shower, audience dancing on their feet and lots and lots of ass! everyone's in net stockings! woot woot! it's well executed it's dirty in a rawwwr way!

then before christmas i'd go to a BBC show with real life replicas of moving dinosaurs. i know it's too kiddish, but what the heck, i was fascinated with jurassic park when i was nine, and it's BBC! they should put up a good show, right?!

then for next year i have sure bookings for two malaysian cities!!! penang in june and KL in december! woot weeew!!! i intend to go to KL alone... i want to go solo traveling again! though i may do that on january 1st in china for the canton safari... not yet sure, depending on the budget.

oh dear, it's like im rushing for the things that i still want to do! single life is not bad afterall! im always drunk on weekends, sheez!!! it's like i compensated for the times that i was in a large hiatus and i have to admit that i am loving it. it's fucking crazy to nurse a hangover, but it's nice to let loose for a while.

so galing sya dito kanina.

mga 1 oras din sya nandito. he's just supposed to grab his bag but i ended up asking him about downloading, then he transferred some files from my harddrive to his laptop.

nagkumustahan kame. kwento sya, kwento ako. syempre mas jolly ako magkwento, i am one of the most plastik persons afterall. pero un nga, awkward na for us. i dont know, lalo na for him. pigil na magkwento. maingat na sa mga sinasabi. and trust me, nothing happened. we did not have any body contact until we said goodbye.

nakakalungkot pala ung ganun no? alam mo ung feeling na gustong gusto mo makita ung tao, pero alam mong mas magandang wag na lang? kaya you go on with your life, silently fighting the memories... gradually easing the pain by all means. pero andun pa din ung feeling na... basta it's indescribable. this person will always be one of the people who would knock me off my feet. ung konting move nya lang, titiklop na ko. not the type that i'd spread my legs. but the moment when he greeted me nicely without any sign of rudeness, i took it as a sign that we may be ok again. then i became my usual me. jolly, machismis, makulit. it's like he's my strength and my weakness at the same time. ganun.

he's very careful all throughout. either he already got a new girl, or he's mature enough to stand by the break up. either way i was offended. give me a break, he was my everything a few months ago. i may have been out with friends a lot but im sure he has moved on much farther than i have and it pains me like hell. i mean, ako na nga ung di pinaglaban tapos ako pa din ung stuck sa past. you have no idea how it sucks to be in my shoes. and the sad part is no matter how hard i try to move on, i will always be the one who was not fought for and was naive enough to have waited for nothing.

before he left he said that i could text or email him when we bike around his area and maybe he'll join us. i suddenly changed my mood and took out all the courage to say "you know i won't". and we both know that that is what's going to happen. we are not ready to be friends. god knows how i wish that everything just becomes casual. but im not ready. not yet.

i accompanied him outside my gate and you could see that he's just dying to get out. but being the pathetic monger, i asked for a hug, which he gave. and i held on a little longer. i said that's the last time that i may see him which could be true. moving on is one task that takes me a very long time and maybe i need more time.

but shemexes aside, that's one good hug. i know it's the last thing i need but it's still the same hug that could comfort me any time.

i'm writing this using my new laptop

ok... here's the thing: i've been using b's laptop since february. i gave my laptop to my sister (original plan was just to lend but i ended up giving it to her). anyway, long story short: i used b's lappie for the meantime. then we broke up. then it's still with me... then he emailed me last week asking me to return his things that are still in my flat. i wasn't expecting to hear from him again ever... but there he was, getting all his stuff back.

why am i writing about this? i dont know, it's not about the laptop per se. i certainly could afford a new one, which i already did. but the notebook is the last symbol that i have at least gotten a hand after all the pain and all shemexes. whenever i say to people that we have broken up and we havent been talking at all.. i would smile thereafter and say: what the heck, i got his laptop so f*ck it i got something afterall. and now it's gone.

oh wells... that's life. you win some you lose some. in this case a totally lost a lot. well about him of course.

oh, i forgot to tell you about my date last time. it was totally ruined by friends. but we're good chatmates again after that disaster. he's a good conversationalist and we're good online buddies. but i guess it's going to be left like that. just friends -- which i am ok with. i've reached the point of realizing that i cannot make all new male friends as potential bf. some are just friends. so there, we're good. i enjoy single life and im in no rush to jump into another relationship. what's the point in rushing when you know you'd just have to put up with another jerk? might as well enjoy single life!

my 500th post

I am saving my 500th post for something really special. And now I got an effing story to tell. I was so drunk last night that i slipped in the bar cr and hit my head on the corner of the wooden table stand of the sink. It was a really deep cut and the bleeding could hardly stop! I never emitted that much blood out of my body except from my monthly period. It was really really scary. I seriously thought that I was going to die by non-stop bleeding. It eventually stopped after I made several tissue paper wet with my own blood.

I had to drag m out of the bar and show her the cut. We went to the nearest 7-11 to buy bandages. We still partied after that. I don’t know… it’s always that way whenever I encounter an accident. I have to show that it was nothing and I could still do things. I slept again at a friend’s place and I could not remember anything else from last night apart from that pool of blood on my face.

And it’s only now that I realize that the cut is just at the top of my right eyebrow. That’s just 1.8cm from my right eye!!! If I was not lucky I could be blind by now! Fuuuck!!!! What if I wasn’t lucky?

So now, I am going to enjoy life as much as I can. I can lose my body parts anytime but while I still have them all intact, I will do all the things I have planned, wanted and dreamt of.

I am so thankful for being lucky!

so i've been quiet lately, huh?

that's because i am genuinely fine right now. writing has done so much as a therapy and it also helped that i've been busy with stuff. now i can seriously say that im happy after all the shemexes.

the cebu trip was really nice and i got super nice photos. ill tell the stories on the next post. then by end of the week im going to tagaytay for a's wedding. yep, aj1981 is finally getting a church wedding of her dream.

and i get a date this saturday. ;)

im not keeping my hopes up, but im more excited on the fact that im back in the market... and that i'd meet a lot of bachelors the next day.

life suddenly became more interesting. high five!

so after 11 months of my cebu booking...

I'm finally boarding the plane. I got a super cheap deal for mine and b's tickets. So many things had happened then. When we were together we'd always tell each other how excited we were. He'd buy a guitar, and I'd eat authentic lechon cebu. Obviously we didn't last long enough to make it through. I just realized that this cebu trip was the longest that we planned on. I'm a sucker for medium to long term plans and I now it dawned on me that the best we could do was plan an out of town trip... And we couldn't even make it. Tsktsk... How about a lifetime? Certainly not happening. The check in clerks asked me to verify with him if he's really coming. I didn't want to but they insist that I do. Surprisingly he answered only to let me hear him getting drunk somewhere. Anyway, I've gotten more annoyed...

And fyi, this is the third month that we're officially over. So fuck it... Enough of all the pain... I've suffered long enough. It's no use letting him get more of my best because of memories. Jerks don't deserve a place in my heart and in my mind.

I'm meeting my fanily in a few hours and that's not a bad alternative. I'm still thankful that for his absence in major events of my life, much more people replace him.

I'm unloading my extra baggage. And I'm leaving it for good.

I'll post pics of the day when I come back. I'm just writing this on my bb. I wanted to let it out before I see the family. I'll have a very good time in cebu!!!

photo of the day: day 37

my favorite artwork in the HARAYA exhibit. it's a work by bobit segismundo. i told you contemporary pinoy artists are so good.

photo of the day: day 36

took this while i was kayaking at the halong bay. that guy was our local tour guide. i was kayaking with an american who just graduated from the university. it was a fun experience. we were paddling for a good half an hour or so until we reached a cave with super boring interior. the scenery and the tranquility that you get while traversing through the hills on water pretty much made up for the uselessness of that cave.

photo of the day: day 35

our group which we coined as PINOY SIKLISTA participated in the greenpeace annual car free biking event. it was suuuper fun!!! over 900 riders participated in the event and we really had a good time. we wore i <3 hk and i <3 green shirts and we put philippine flaglets on our bikes and we became one of photographers' favorite subjects! there were snapshots of us in greenpeace website, cnn i-report and china daily! woohoo! i really hope the government steps up and make the roads safer and more accessible for bikers.

photo of the day: day 34

im sooo tired today and my whole body is aching. we biked our hardest trail to date. we didn't go the usual bike route and we opted for a more difficult biking/hiking through the lantau mountains. damn, the paved area is so narrow that any wrong move can result to a fall on a mini cliff. it was only a good two or three hours but we repeatedly mounted and dismounted our bikes because the trail is just too steep. i would complain to that route when i hike... then picture it with a 13kg bike that you need to drag! waaahhh!!! anyway, it was fun challenge and we managed to finish the trail without anyone seriously getting hurt.


this photo is from one point of the trail which overlooks the airport. the planes you see there are the fedex cargo planes.


gotta sleep now. tomorrow we shall bike for the environment! :)

photo of the day: day 33

jenga!!!

i had lots of fun tonight!!! work was so shitty but the night made up for it. we ate at my favorite turkish resto and we played jenga!!! i like this game. it rattles everyone. it makes you focus and wish bad luck to the person that precedes you! really cool game.

then we went barhopping in tsim sha tsui, my first time to ever roam around kowloon bars in 4 yrs. damn! i was pulled out from the table and had to dance with the band with no one else dancing!!! shucks!!! i think i did well anyhow. i went there, so i might as well pull it off. then when we went to the next one, and there's this crazy white girl who keeps dancing with our group. she pulled me out and i had to dance with her. i was even able to kiss her on the cheeks while my friends were taking photos. and i didn't even get her name! i should not cut my hair anymore. i am not a lesbo, ok?! hahaha!

photo of the day: day 32

a photo a man who lost his hands carving a beautiful clay rose. i got two hands and i cant even do that! i should pick a new hobby soon!

photo of the day: day 31

one of my good discoveries for this month!!! street food cold noodles!!! woopee! they have a list of noodle add-ons such as tofu, pig's ear, squid, pork, kelps and they mix it with garlic, satay sauce and chili. they have a basic price for the noodles, then the add-ons have their own price and you customize it any way you wish. you eat from the plastic bag with tiny bbq sticks. i tried the cow's bone marrow with pork kidney for $8. it was sooo good i had to order another one. i went for the seaweed with shrimp and it was another good combination for $7.50. i was already full on the second one and i felt so good about that nice and cheap thrill dinner... only to reward myself with a cup of haagen dazs for $35. damn! hahaha! in fairness i enjoyed that mocha something with caramel biscuits. quits lang!

photo of the day: day 30

standing on top of tung ping chau's beautiful rock formations, trying to be EMO. somebody save me from all this fucking loneliness!!! i know im being pathetic but im just doing it til i can. come sept 21st, im not allowed to wallow on this. that's the 3rd month and that's the whole world telling me it's enough. well not really not allowed, but that's when i expect everyone (including myself) to be annoyed on all the drama. i've always had low EQ and this fucking heartbreak is getting the best of me. i was 'this' close to letting myself sleep with a stranger just to get it over and done with.

anyway, photo was in cut out mode. was experimenting with photoshop.

photo of the day: day 29

that's the room for my mandarin class. like in most language classes, we started with a bunch only to end up with a few. we started with more than ten and only 3 of us attended the last day/final exam tonight. the guy in the photo is my french classmate who proved to be the worst student ever! he really does not have the skill to learn a new language and every one of us suffers with his slow cognitive ability. he looks good... but damn he's really stupid.

photos of the day: day 27 & 28

i was home the whole weekend. i only stepped out of the flat just to buy groceries. i only watched downloaded movies the whole time. yesterday i watched 6, then 2 today. i was in no contact with the world mood. aaahhh, don't you just love isolating lazy rainy weekends? i only checked online when it was time to watch the cheerdance competition. my school won! wooopeee!!! UP's the only school that i would really identify myself proudly.

my photos of the day are about craziness of some nationalities. pinoys may be crazy but some nationalities' craziness are not lagging behind.

one of the activities that i did in yangshuo was river rafting. i was pressing for time and i had to go for the easier one. i had to go for the one that's only got a 5 meter slide one a few falls in between. it was a good 1 hr journey and it was worth my 60rmb. think of it as enchanted kingdom's rapids, only with less current. they do it by batch and there were about 12 groups/rafts in our batch. each raft can contain two people. they give you a paddle... and a tabo (dipper)! and that's when the fun begins!!! being the only non-chinese in the pack, i was easily noticed. so just imagine our raft stopping in the middle and everyone's just throwing water at me and my partner! do that for a good one hour and you'd feel sorry that you don't have slit eyes. we were throwing back some water but what can you do against 11 rafts, with 22 people throwing water at you? it was super fun anyhow and i really said 'i love china!!!' for a few times because of the fun i was having. and to top off the experience, some god damn employees turned our raft upside down!!! they do it to a single raft and god forbid, they had to choose us!!! we were separated from our raft and we were being swayed by the current. i was drowning for a good 5 seconds that they had to pull me out. i lost a shoe and i had to wait until everyone finishes and the employees finished packing up so i could have it back. damn! it was one crazy adventure and i would not mind doing it again, but perhaps i do the 12 meter next time!



next is a group of americans who were having a drinking game. i dont know what they were betting on that they had to pull down their pants. i haven't seen a white man's ass after the vietnam trip so this is a good thing. look at the guy with the girly brief! the beer is dripping all over his face! hahahahaha

photos of the day: day 25 & 26

I was home last night but I was so drunk to even post the pic of the day. I went to a sneak peek of the ‘Chippendale Tour’ at the Hyde lounge. I’m posting photos of the day for two days. I mean, hot men should deserve at least two photos, right? They should linger! Anyway, we waited for an hour just to see them perform for five minutes! Good thing I loved the company of my two girl friends that waiting didn’t turn out to be that bad.



There were three Chippendale men and the half Asian one was the one singing. The others serve as back up. But the heck, they are all hot. I may not want to get laid with all of them but it looks like there’s one for every woman’s taste. You got an Asian, a Ricky Martin lookalike Caucasian, and a long hair blonde that can pass as a softee rockstar or a vampire villain.



I thought Pinays are the most carnal among women. Turns out all women are equally carnal and they are more carnal than men by at least threefold. All women of different nationalities were screaming and getting crazy when the Chippendales came out. It’s just a pity that they didn’t perform that long.

And the bloody set back of the event? The vocalist’s name is Bryan. When he started singing, all girls were shouting his name. What the hell?!!! Wherever I go it’s always this name! I really shouted, ‘Oh no that bloody name again! You’re cute but I hate your name!’. Seriously, I’m hunted by this name all the time after the break up. It used to be quite unique when we’re together but now it seems like every one I know is named Bryan! Arrrgggg! Let me give you a little rundown...Whenever I call home, my mom would always tell stories of the cousin that they sort-of adopted. He’s Bryan. I listen to only one radio station in I-tunes and they always plug a school named Bryan College. They even spell it! And I am casually introduced to at least a couple of Bryan’s in the last month. And now this! Arrrgggg!!!

On a lighter note, have I said the Chippendale men are hot? I pick the Ricky Martin look alike! We saw the vampire looking after a few drinks roaming the streets. He didn’t turn out to be extraordinary when you don’t see him on the stage. We were asking him in Tagalog where his mates are, as if he’d understand us. Hihihi… But overall, it was a good night. F*ck ‘em all Bryan’s. I was happy. I was drunk. And I got good orders today! Woopee! High Five!

photo of the day: day 24

you can see this at the entrance of the hostel that i stayed in hue, vietnam. imagine our tiny country, specifically my tiny province, having the best name among all 'em sexual place names! nothing beats SEXMOAN!!! i told the owner that i came from the province that Sexmoan is located. and his eyes lit as if im one of the people from the land of the goddesses. he even shouted at the whole lobby that they finally got someone from sexmoan.

but i had to tell the truth... that it was changed to Sasmuan. out of courtesy he asked how it's spelt and pronounced then he lost interest. he didn't say anything else and turned around. i became un-interesting once again.

darn, i shouldn't have shattered his Sexmoan fantasy.

photo of the day: day 23

my very first real mud bath from yanghuo's water cave. i did it last july. it only took me 60rmb and that included the transportation, spelunking, and super nice mud bath. i was sharing the tour with a family and they were very friendly to me. the guide was also accommodating and could speak good english. it's definitely worth every kuai! woopee!

photo of the day: day 22

one side of the TPC island. oh dear, i super love this place!

photo of the day: day 20 & 21

as in the last two weekends that this project had been on-going, i am posting two pics again as i was not home last night. i went camping in tung ping chau with friends over the weekend! it's my favorite place in hk and always will be.

i organized the trip but i have to say that it's a bit hard for me. TPC and camping are two separate things that are special to me and b. we fight all the time but whenever we're in the woods we are always in our best mood. there's something about being away from the city and its high tech stuff and relying on our survival skills that renew our spirits. and TPC is such a nice place that any one who goes there just falls in love with it, like we did when we discovered it. i would even go there alone at times.

last night there were moments when i remember him... that he'd pitch the tent and i'd fetch the water...that he'd cook and i'd wash the dishes. that we'd just talk for hours about personal things.

but i have to say last night was not bad at all. im not saying that it's better... it's a completely friendly outing and i went out with my closest friends who turned out to be the best camping company! we really had a great time! 4 out of 6 are first time hk campers...and they were really excited. they brought a lot of food, and 'a lot' could be an exaggeration! it's like we're trying to put a mini grocery... for an overnight trip! hahaha! we kept eating that every time we finish one dish, one would automatically say 'next'! we even watched a movie, all 6 of us in one tiny tent! hahaha! there was a snake, and a ghost sighting! one of us got that third eye thingo and he said he really felt one spirit. and it was even caught on camera! creepy?!

this trip is one of the indications that i can enjoy things that i used to love and i can do them without b. i know i've said this before, but i am saying it again... im so thankful that my friends got my back from day 1. moving on is less difficult when we all got weekend activities, and ladies nights!! i am getting there! actually i think i already got there, i just kept looking back! darn foolish heart!

first photo includes our tents beside the TPC sign. all 6 of us in two tents. who slept with whom? im not saying! as if there's something interesting in there! hahaha!


our super abundant breakfast! i told you we got a mini grocery!

photo of the day: day 19

a photo during my local hue day tour. it's experiencing vietnam at a different level. super nice!

photo of the day: day 18

i attended the haraya 2 opening! despite the glitch on the hostage taking, im still proud to be pinoy. i dont pretend to be thai when people ask me where i came from. i dont know... i have always been a believer of individualism. i believe that people these days are smart enough to judge you for what you do, not for what your country is known for. i didnt feel left out in the office after the incident. i believe that they see me as the hard working girl who always smiles. i just that have much trust on hong kongers. they may be the bitchiest but i prefer to believe that they are open minded.


go pinoy! mabuhay ang artistang pinoy saan mang sulok ng mundo!

friends ni b

kasama ko gumimik barkada ni b kanina dahil galing kame sa phil arts fest...

sabi ni c, maikli pa daw ung 2 months.. pwede pa daw magbalikan. i swear to my nicest bra, ito ung instance na alam kong talo. na alam kong hopeless. na kahit super stubborn ko di ko na lang din ipipilit. totoo na di nawawala ung love mo sa isang tao, pero siguro kahit gan'no kalakas ng fighting spirit mo, ramdam mo kung kelan dapat mag-fold. mag-give way para sa ibang game. hopefully with that new game, you can finally say it's game over.

at nagpunta ulit kame sa bar na may gitaristang kamukha nya. at may nalaman ako about b. di ako nainis kahit nalaman kong kami pa pala nun. may kutob naman ako dati na ganun nga. pero i trusted that much on him and on the relationship. kahit bitch ako, di ako selosa, promise. i equate jealousy with insecurity. i always say, e di magsama sila. sino ba lugi? saan ka makakahanap ng full package ng beauty, brains, ability to love you 110%? hahahaha!


kidding aside, i miss being loved. dear papa jesus, kahit di mo na ko bigyan ng cellphone na touch screen... pagtyatyagaan ko na lang ung camera-less phone ko... basta bigyan mo lang ako ng willpower to forget people. or give me someone who will inspire me to do it! now! pronto!

photo of the day: day 17

i broke my mirror. my precious 4 year old mirror. i will miss you dear mirror. we've been through a lot of zits and everything in between. rest in peace.

i refuse to accept 7 yrs of bad luck. hello, inadvance na kaya. lampas lampas pa! kaya tigilan ako ng bad luck! tsupi! tsupi!

photo of the day: day 16

my first ever ginisang ampalaya with egg. with chicken tendons as in ung crunchy part sa leg ng chicken... seryoso, may nabibiling isang malaking pack na puro ganun lang. sarap!

i told you nagluluto na ko ng maayos. baon ko to for tomorrow. naks, isa na kong domesticated girl. un nga lang panay pa din ang party!

grabe august 2010 is my most drunken month ever! walang linggong di ako lasing, twice! hihihi... super linis na ng katawan ko sa lahat ng alcohol. hahaha!

photo of the day: day 15

some gummy candies from my french colleague who just came back from his wedding vacation.

life is a pack of candies. minsan as shitty as a frog. or twisted. or dark. or lively. or just plain surprising that you dont know which one you get from the container.

ang sabi ng lawyer...

May pinuntahan akong kasal dito sa HK nung sabado. Isa sa mga witnesses ay isang lawyer. Ewan kung pa'no nagsimula... pero nabanggit nya na kahit legally married na ang isang tao sa pinas, pwede pa din syang magpakasal sa hk at maging legit un. Basta syempre sa hk marriage registry, hindi sa phil consulate. Tapos wag daw dadalhin sa pinas. Kase pag nagkataon pwedeng kasuhan ng bigamy.

Hmmm... wala naman. Pwede pala un. Kaya lang di ko na kelangan e. di na applicable ngayon. Pambibitter aside, buti na lang! hahahaha! If I want to get married I want all the drama! Ayoko ng 2 minute ceremony. Iba iba lang siguro yan... pero for me gusto ko talaga magsuot ng wedding gown tapos maglakad sa aisle tapos feeling ko ang ganda ganda ko! Maiiyak siguro ako sa lungkot kung 2 minute monotone ceremony lang ang mangyayari sa inaasam ko buong buhay ko. I would rather wait for the right person kesa magkasya sa 2 minute ceremony.

Nga pala, b didn't greet me on my bday. Medyo disappointed ako ng bahagya pero I got over it quite soon. Labing limang tao ang kapalit and it turned out to be the best bday ever. Pinadelete ko na din sya sa friends ko sa facebook para di ko na sya ini-istalk. Dati I log in using e's account just to see kung ano na ginagawa nya. Or kung may babae ba syang nililigawan ngayon. Now I could not be bothered. Siguro tama lang na di nya ko ni-greet.

I am getting more and more comfortable being alone now. Tsaka nagiging responsible na ko. I cook proper food (as in di lang prito prito), I sweep the floor of the flat, I throw the garbage away... all the works! Everything na dati inaasa ko sa kanya. So this is turning out to be for the better after all. v(^v^)v

photo of the day: day 14

this is the front of my mini fridge. i was reminiscing through the times when i was on a trip, and hell yeah it felt good. i want to keep traveling until i grow old. i want to keep collecting magnets until im 90!

my upcoming trips for the rest of the year!

sept: cebu
october: tagaytay
november: undecided... but ill plan on something
december: australia and/or taiwan! woohoo!



after australia, antarctica na lang! woopee!

photo of the day: day 12 & 13

since i wasn't home again last night... i have to post two pics now.




first includes parts of my birthday cakes in the office. these were my first bday cakes in hk! and when it rains it pours! 3 hrs later my friends prepared cakes for me and darl! i knew my 27th bday would be special... and i wasn't wrong!

then here's the card signed by my friends. they are really the sweetest! awwwww!

my super fun birthday!!!

have i said i have the coolest friends?! they made my nicest bday celebration to date! despite the little glitch on the wrong email... my pinoy gang mates planned everything on the night of my birthday... they surprised me and darl at a thai restaurant, gave us flowers, cake, birthday card, perfume and we spent the rest of the night with a looot of shooters, drinks and getting really really drunk. it was crazy!!!



aaahhh... if birthdays just keep getting better, i can't wait for the years to come! woot woot!

27th on 27th

‎27th on 27th. when i was young i thought this was the perfect age. i'd be married and rich. now im single and my bank account is almost empty. but i have to say... despite the shemexes it's better than i'd ever hoped for. so rock on, bitches!
this is my fb status.

a couple of days ago i wrote how depressed i was that i'd eventually grow old alone... but i deleted it because the pathetic-ity (is there such a term? hahaha) was just plain annoying. this is MY perfect age. it should not involve anybody. i should be comfortable about my entry to adulthood and deal with life as it is, without dwelling on the past or wondering what could have been if i decided to take the other option.

and fuck it, im going to refrain listening to non-dance songs for the meantime. they just foster depression. we are sad because of the songs that we listen to about loving and losing it. so i'd rather listen to black eyed peas than sarah mclachlan!

the minute the clock struck 12 last night i turned on the speakers full blast and danced to jt's 'signs' in front of the mirror in my undies. i've got big tummy and arms and it's one of the rare moments when i didn't feel bad about my all curvy body. i feel fine and i actually feel sexy.

from here on... my mantras would be: 1) i go for it because i deserve it, and 2) i am a sexy bitch and i seriously dont care what you think

happy birthday to me! i look forward to 27 more years of ups and downs!

photo of the day: day 11

i had a sudden craving for a HD ice cream. so i stormed out of the office to buy one with coins in my hands. happiness is worth $23. it's sooo good that every tiny scoop i take contains macadamia bits! woopeee!!!

photo of the day: day 10

and the birthday celebrations have begun! i met my former housemate and she treated me to my favorite vietnamese restaurant... whenever i go there i never miss the deep fried spring rolls and chicken salad. there were only two of us but we ordered a lot and we managed to finish all of them. vietnamese food is love.

photo of the day: day 9

a miniature bike. pasalubong ko dapat kay b. actually binili ko yan sa china. break na kame ng a little over a week pero ewan for some reason optimistic pa din ako nun na magkakabalikan kame. saka naging ugali ko na talaga ung magdala ng something for him when im overseas. 31 months na dapat kame ngayon.

pero ngayon, isa na lang syang dekorasyon sa bahay ko. buti na lang nahuhumaling ako sa biking at kunwari can relate ako dito. i love love biking. ung tipong tahimik ka lang habang nagpepedal. tapos you let the wind blow into your face. sarap sarap! lalo na pag downhill, almost as good as o!

photo of the day: day 8

that's the wall climbing thingo at the ymca. im going to enrol there soon!!!

just take my heart when you go...

I'll always love you, but you're too hard to hold. -- mr big band

lagi nya kinakanta yan dati. kakatapos lang ng 2nd month ng break up namen. punyeta talaga...

photo of the day: day 6 & 7

i wasnt online last night. i went biking and had to stay over at a friend's place so i have to post two images now.

here are my photos of the day(s).

first is my stress toy at work. the eyes pop out and it really helps to de-stress once in a while. it's pretty used up these days.



this is a photo from our biking trip at the airport last saturday. it was quite a nice trip. then i stayed over at a friend's place. i got drunk, abused my lungs by the shisha, and traded secrets. aaahhh... it's nice to let it all out sometimes.

photo of the day: day 5

those are deep fried sparrows. had them when i was in hanoi. it's like pinas' one day old chick, only less creepy because you don't really have much of the bones.

oo nga naman

i was having a little chat session with one of my closest friends from pinas.


b:
- in all honesty
- sa tingin mo
- magandang makipagbalikan ako kay b?

a:
- di
- eh parang ayaw na nya eh
- susi nga lang ""bye susi mo"

kaya mahal ko yang si a. sasabihin nya blatantly ang ayaw kong aminin sa sarili ko.

natatakot ako sa birthday ko next week. natatakot na nachachallenge. im drowning in depression pero at the same time i've been really trying to rise from this situation. it's a test of one's spirit but sometimes i doubt if i am that strong.

photo of the day: day 4

i know this is late. i went to ladies night again last night and went drunk as usual. we went to cavern and danced to r&b songs... then went to a more cozy bar where we stayed until 3am! i had to sleep again at a friend's place! looks like this is going to be a weekly habit!

This is the culprit amongst all the drinks I had last night that’s why I am nursing this hangover again! NOTHING! I don’t know why they called it ‘Nothing’ when it’s supposed to be everything that can make you drunk!!! It should at least be ‘Something’!!!



I did a lot of first times last night:

1) drank ‘nothing’
2) touched real blue flame with my bare hands
3) danced with a super weird Japanese old guy --- ewwww!!!
4) saw a guitarist who looks like b… and made me think that I want to go back to him –- but no, I will not concede! (?)

Fuck rockstars! They charm their way to your heart then when you open up to them they shatter it into pieces and not feel sorry for it! Bitter? It’s the ‘nothing’ talking!!!

my company has travel plans for me!!!

kahit di matuloy... at least may intention. :)

hay naku, meron akong bagong admirer

jgl,
you know i loved keanu for 15 years. you cannot just throw that away.
but i'll give you a chance.
good thing you're so hot at 'inception'.

xoxo,
blsm

dear papa jesus

ung wish ko pwede bang i-advance mo na?

kase lintek ang loneliness. nakakairita na. di ko naman mapigilang hindi maramdaman.

photo of the day: day 3

slurpee becomes half the fun without you. but in all fairness to 7-11, the melon flavor is by far the best ever.

photo of the day: day 2

you know what an incense is... but ever wondered how it's made? i tried it in vietnam! it's part of my local day tour in hue and i was brought by my guide to the incense village and the ladies let me try making one! it's really pretty simple. like a sandy shit material made of gun powder and other stuff (literally shit) that you roll into a thin wooden stick then you add glue to make the compound compact.

tinawagan ako ng familia ko

binalitaan lang ako na hindi pa sila tumatama sa jueteng para may panghanda sa bday ko! what the hell?!? hahaha! i have a sweet family in a balasubas cute way.

i miss them.

my little photo project

'cause i try to not be a depressed bitch no 'mo... im going to start a little project. one photo a day. it does not have to be super artsy or dslr-ish.. in fact i will use my little digital camera most of the time. just something to share every day. it will be something that struck me... or could be a non-uploaded photo that i took in the past. as long as it has at least one sentence story (or could be a phrase) to it.

for my first photo: it's the road in between the ever posh peninsula hotel and the ymca. i used to go to the bar at the top of the peninsula with my previous company where i took clients for drinks. i never failed to visit the bathroom because i was told that it was designed by a famous french artist. i never really understood the design as it looks like any 5 star hotel to me... but i still went anyhow just for the sake of going. their drinks are double the price of the bars in hk and i bet a portion of that big price goes to the toilet. the ymca is my school for my mandarin class that i attend to every monday.

i miss

spooning.

statements such as 'you're beautiful' after dressing up.

being asked how my day went.

being stared and pinched on the chin.

being loved.


i know my previous posts have been empowering. but i admit that i back down sometimes. especially tonight. i dont know... friday has been my lowest day of the week.

it's not really him that i miss. i miss being loved. when i had my heartbreaks before i got a full friend and family support. i would cry for weeks. i had e to literally slap me to wake up from all my stupidity.

but it's different here. i got friends, sweet and caring. but they're not the type that i would cry on their shoulders. would you believe that when we broke up i had to call someone long distance so i could cry?

it's a dog eat dog world here and crying is always a sign of weakness. i am a jolly person when i go out, pretending that getting my heart broken is the best thing i did in weeks. but up to now i still wish that even if he didnt have keys, i would still catch him outside my lift saying something apologetic. we dont have to be reunited but i want him to wish me happiness and say that he did love me.

oh god, if there's just a button that can make you feel numb, i'd have that all over my body. i seriously need a sincere hug right now. i dont have to bad mouth him. i dont have to pretend that im doing fine. in fact i dont have to say anything. i just need a sincere hug. i dont have to hear anything from that person. i dont need assurance that things will be fine. i just need a hug. and preferably with a big box of tissue.

dont you just love ladies' nights?

i am now struggling with a hangover and i am writing this while im in the office.

i was so drunk last night. i partied til 3am that i had to sleep over at a friend's place... and it was only wednesday! several guys were trying to hit on us and we kept drinking. and drank some more.

aaahhh... the joys of singlehood. high five!

my very first e-flyer

woopee!!! the first markething thingo that bears my name! almost 1k people in the trading companies from Latin America and Spain will read this tonight. Yiiii... my knees are shaking! high five!

and so we met

i lost my keys yesterday. just when i was about to hold a housewarming party for five people at my tiny flat, last night... i realized that i lost all my keys! darn! good thing i got my friends and they adopted me for a night. awwww... i got super sweet friends.

anyway, the only solution that i got is b. he got duplicates and i know it's not the best time. i was desperate so i had to call him. he was practically ignoring my calls and he would prefer that we text instead. it was a few exchange of texts and he confirmed that he could meet me next day. i was a bit paranoid last night because i did not know if he's meeting me or not. i got a text in the morning saying he could me in the afternoon, which i am literally thankful for.

so we saw each other... after almost two months. he cut his hair. he got that gigantic bike.

what did i feel? i have to admit that there's that one second jump in my heart the moment i first saw him. i have to admit that i wanted to hug him. like what they see in movies... they hug one last time to check if they still love each other.

but you know what, i dont think i still need that. it's gone. i dont love him anymore. it's amazing how you can un-love a person in a very short time. i just need to see him and it got me thinking, hey i am so glad we're no longer together. and im pretty sure you agree with me 100%. it's like you dont know this person anymore and you just laugh all the times that you were trying to get over it.

we talked for 30 seconds. and he turned back to leave. i said thank you (for meeting me and giving me my keys). i turned back and returned home.

im vindicated and it feels so good.

and the naming begins...

i just realized that this bike is my very first purchase that had something to do with transportation.

when i was young i thought bikes are just for rich kids. we were poor and bikes were considered a luxury.

yeeeeyyy... next time coche na!

must name the bike. must name the bike. what name?

aaahhhh this is like having a baby!

ok i made up my mind: RAIN.

i got it when it was raining really hard. this is the point in my my life where blessings and misfortunes just seem to rain down on me. and i somewhat love the rain on lazy days.

RAIN. i like!

i love love my company

i get to speak spanish all the time.

i get along well with my team mates. bosses are cool.

i dont work on saturdays. i have more annual leaves.

and now... tantananan... commission! yeah baby! woohoo! it's not much but it's good that i get that little extra. wooppeee!

i havent gotten it yet but i spent it already! i am now a proud owner of a venzo bike! woohoo! biking on weekends (without having to rent nasty bikes) here we go!

the hyde party

how can you hyde from a bar launch party? how can you hyde? get it? no?! oh dear, you're slow. boo! :p

maia got a real full time job now and it's the bomb! it's a members club lounge/bar and it was really a full house!

free booze. free canapes. how can you hyde? still not getting it? boo!

anyway, this is the first time that i partied really hard with the right crowd in a very long time. i danced the night away in hip hop and r&b songs! woot woot! i was so drunk i was dancing with a fat chinese guy and a crazy chinese teenage girl and a few more random strangers.. plus the pinoy gang! woot woot! love love! i couldn't remember the last time i danced like that. i became timid all of a sudden and i lost my groove. but last thursday was d-i-f-f-e-r-e-n-t!

and as a bonus, we were with cathy yang! she's now working in thomson hk. i didnt know her and i had to google her the next day. i was told that she was quite famous in the phils as a newscaster.

getting back in the scene.gradually. weeeee!!!!

promise last na to

it may not reach the recipient at all but it's good to let it all out now.

my dear b,

after all the shemexes, i cant affort to be mad at you. im not trying to gain sympathy or trying to be righteous... but as you can see im really blaming me. it's about my expectations, and about my hurrying to take it to another level. i know it's not healthy for me but i think i loved you that much to spare you the blame.

believe me... you're one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me. i never regret it. i would not say i'd do it all over again but im just glad it happened.

i would miss our camping adventures, our singing with your guitar, our good photography team up, the movies that we download, the pinoy food trips on weekends.. too bad ngayong nahuhumaling ako sa biking ngayon pa tayo naghiwalay.. sana kasama ka din sa biking sessions namin every saturday. i would love to hear about your new recording projects and i would like to tell you on what keeps me busy these days.

i am not being bitter about love or about our relationship for that matter. i am not even blaming destiny if there is such a thing. it just had to end. i will keep searching for my 'one' with hopes of it being the last. im not rushing as i really think it's the best time to love myself for a while. i have loved you too much that i still need to savor this overflowing feeling before transferring it to someone else. i hope you're enjoying your life and freedom. of all the people i should be the one to confirm that you deserve it. you've been tasked with adult responsibilities at a very young age so if you are having a good time now, then go for it.

this stage is not going to be easy to go through if it had not been for my friends in hk. it's not the lean on me cry on my shoulders type but they have accepted me with loving arms and kept me entertained with weekend activities even though i have technically abandoned them for a long time. it's really a door closing-window opening occurrence and if i were to look back ten years from now i would say i got by one of my biggest heartbreaks with help from my pinoy friends. no bs. no cheesy shemexes.

this no contact rule is getting easier to manage as the days go by. ill be better and i hope by next year we can be good friends again.



b.

im now having a bad fever

could this be related to the accident? my wounds look really yucky.

or to the all night partying?

i hope i get better tomorrow. or my mission is going to fail!

accident. then the pay-off

i fell off a bike today. i got two big bruises (elbow and knee) and damn they really hurt!!! i fell of a bike and slid a few inches on the street! fuuuuck!

to redeem myself from myself... i still went to the band sandwich's gig... guess what?!? i get to make beso with raymund marasigan!!! as in! hahahahaha! we were talking and when it's time to say goodbye he initiated with the beso! ha!

now time to heal the wounds. ano ba yan... healing heart na nga, sasamahan pa ng elbow and knee!

i have a goal!

so i got exactly four weeks til my birthday and im planning on doing something explosive! hahahahaha!

secret muna baka magahol sa preparations. hihihihi... ngayon pa lang natatawa na akong naeexcite. :)

you know what fucking hurts all this time?

it's realizing that i was not worth fighting for. after two and a half years. fuck.

ang nanay ko

kwento ng isang ex ko... sabi ng isang friend nya ang babae daw magiging kamukha ng nanay nya pagtanda nya. kaya dapat daw tignan maigi ang soon to be mother-in-law. kung di mo daw ma-take, medyo magdalawang isip ka na.. at ang hirit nya: "naisip ko tuloy nanay mo..." as if implying nagdadalawang isip nga sya..

hello! ang ganda kaya ng nanay ko! cincuenta na yan this year!



kaya siguro di kame nagkatuluyan. labo, niyayabang lang pic ng nanaj, nagbad mouth pa sa ex. hahahaha! bakit ba?! pero seriously, i would not mind if ganyan itsura ko pag cincuenta na ko.. damn it, she's even slimmer than me!!!

so i did

i did greet him. one simple "happy birthday. all the best".

it's depressing to be in this stage when a person who used to be your everything becomes one of the people whom you send generic messages. i used to text him out of the blue and told him how i missed him or how i remembered him that day. now im down to those two phrases.

he replied "thank you."

in 10 mins

bday na ni b.

in 10 mins din 1 month na kame break.

i will not

greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

to greet or not to greet? friends pa naman dapat kame ah.

dear hk

happy fourth year anniversary! ikaw na.. ikaw na ang pinakamatagal sa lahat! three years na lang permanently committed na tayo. i love you.

to celebrate our years of togetherness, i promise na on the last stage na ko ng recovery kay b. i was happy with him but i think i am happier when im just thinking of myself. or i have finally accepted that it's really not meant to be. i was looking back and i realized ako pa at ako lang ang nagreresearch kung pano madissolve ung issue nya. i realized ako lang ang may gusto talaga nun. im not questioning if he really loved me.. pero un nga, ako lang ang nagpipilit na matuloy sa happily ever after.

so pahinga na lang muna ako sa mga relationships. i officially started having relationships 8 years ago. 1 yr dun kay j. 1.5yrs kay r. 2.5 kay b. tapos 3 yrs moving on from r and/or desperately trying to get to have a bf then finally found b.

you see, i spent the peak of my life depending on other people's love to be happy. i'll love myself this time and i know i can never go wrong. kung may dumating, go lang. but im not going to look desperately for it. seriously, even with all the cheesy shemexes that relationships can give to one person... parang isa pa din syang tinik na natanggal pag natapos. minsan masarap din ung wala kang ineeffort-an.

i'll try to avoid looking at the lonely side of it. i have always been an anti social so it's really not so hard.

by the way, i enrolled in a mandarin class sa ymca last night. i missed the first class pero habol na lang ako. it's 10 times more expensive kesa cantonese class ko dati pero ok pa din ang rates. pampalipas oras lang. my plan next quarter would be to learn swimming and wall climbing! yeeeey! dapat enrol na ko sa wall climbing pero nagclash sya sa schedule ng mandarin. syempre mandarin pinili ko. nerd nga di ba?!

waaahhh! dami ko pa gusto gawin. piano lesson, german, belly dancing, tennis... weeeeee!

i found the right reference

m gave me a book and it's called THE NO CONTACT RULE. just the perfect book for me right now.. self help books were not really my thing. yes i read them but i never follow. but this time, im going to get all the help i can get.

im reading the introduction now and baaam! bullseye! it's like the book was written for me.

must.read.this.now.

ako na!

ako na ang pathetic. nakikinig ako buong araw sa 6 cycle mind kase (in my opinion) kamukha ni b ung vocalist nun. oo pathetic.

sabi ni m, makipagbalikan na lang daw ako kung di ko talaga kaya. kung feeling ko worthy sya. pero pag nangyari un, may nabago ba? ganun pa rin ung status nya. patuloy akong part ng isang kahangalan na wala namang pinupuntahan. un nga lang di ako masaya.

ayoko na mag-isip. shet.

one month na kameng di nagkikita...

dear papa jesus,

pwede bang gawin mo na lang akong manhid?

kase ang hirap na e. kase sobrang sakit.

pinapasulat pa ko ng write up sa wedding ni a... how do you expect me to write about love and happy endings at this stage?

i try to see as much friends pero pag-uwi ko i still feel empty.. para akong naka-drugs na super saya pag naka-high. masaya. it's nice to catch up with friends. pero pag-uwi nawawala na ung effect, ganun naman ka-low ung feeling. as in extreme high and extreme low.

kailangan ko ng hug...

may kilig moment ako today....

hihihi... ayoko ikwento... baka majinx!

dear lord, kung ito ang way mo para makalimutan ko si b, pls pls dalas dalasan mo pa... mukhang wala namang patutunguhan un pero ok syang pampalipas ng oras. at saka masarap kiligin.

sa lahat ba naman ng pahirap ko these past few weeks, deserve ko naman ang konting kilig na to :)

more! more!

getting there...

Sabi sa one more chance… kailangan mo ng 3 months para magmourn.

Grabe ito na ang magiging pinakamahabang 3 months ng buhay ko. Di ako ganun katapang. I also get defeated by loneliness, by memories.

Bigla kong nakita ung pics namin sa luma kong phone. We were so happy back then. Kahit wala kaming pera, masaya kaming nagluluto sa bahay. Masaya kaming nanonood ng downloaded movies habang magkayakap sa maliit kong kama.

But you know what… imbes na isipin ko kung ano ung nawala, iisipin ko na lang na swerte ko na lang na kahit pa’no naging masaya din ako ng mahigit dalawang taon. Mahabang panahon din un. Some people would kill to be happy for a few days. I should just be thankful that though it was be rough at times, it was blissful for quite a long period.

Let me just grieve over it. I’ll be ok soon.

this is going to be my year of 'plans...finally!'

I've got so many things I've planned for years and this is my year of finally fulfilling them

- finding a new job.. After years of ranting about selling plates... Finally I'm out
- going to singapore. This trip is more than 5 yrs overdue. I've been planning on going there eversince I graduated and I finally did it!
- going solo backpack traveling. I did all the sheez.... Sleeping in trains, living in a hostel... And it's fun.. I am so used to going for what I wabt that's why my motto now would be: it's better to go there alone than not go at all because you don't have company. Yes it's lonely to eat alone and it's more costly because you pay the whole amenities that are good for a whole bunch of people... But I realize how long I take photos and the motobike rides.... I wouldn't be able to do those if I got comapny... Going solo is not bad at all.
- cut my hair short. This is the shortest it had been for the last 13 yrs! I look like a deranged lesbo but I never felt this free for a long time!! Long hair is just a big inconvenience!!
- going to yangshuo. I've planned on going here eversince I got to hk... After 4 yrs!
- back to the quest of finding realistic true love. Well it hasn't sank in completely as I'm still in the border of moving on... But I'll get there soon!

Now the thing that's left in my list? Getting a tattoo! I'll do it before my birthday. I am torn between 'pinay' or barcode lines with 'valiente'.... It's 40-60...

hello from yangshuo

Kung ang smoke quitters may relapse period, ako meron kay b. Exagg... Bawat na lang gawin ko parating may connection sa kanya! Kumakain ako ng noodles, naaalala ko ung cheap thrills namen sa eat together. Bawat kanta sa ipod ko, kung hindi nya kinanta or tinugtog sa gitara, maiisip ko na tinutugtog sa computer nya pag pinupuntahan ko sya. Lahat na lang! Pano ba makalimot? Kung ako lang tatanungin ko sya pa'no nya ko nakalimutan. Ito na ang pinakamatagal na period na di kame nagkikita at talagang ineemote ko ngayon.

Dear papa jesus, malapit na birthday ko.. Tutal naman di ako nanghingi ng wish last year.. Pwede bang bigyan m0 ng work si emmy and bena (one wish lang count nyan) and ung second, ung makalimutan si b. Kase kahit ako naririndi na sa kakaisip sa kanya. Promise I will be good. I won't be too bitchy until the year ends. Pretty pls?

i am at my best element when...

i take photos.

masaya ako or malungkot, may pera o wala, mataba or mataba (sorry di na kase ako payat ever)... pagkuha ng litrato ang nakaka-ayos ng buhay ko.. super sarap ng feeling ng wala kang iniitindi kundi pano makakuha ng magandang pictures..

i had a great time when i was in vietnam because all i did was take photos.. now that i am going through this helluva break-up, i guess all i really need is a long weekend of photo taking. being away from it all.

im going to an area in china which i have been planning to go to for years. it's now or never. go go go guilin! i just hope i get a bus ticket later!

di ko pa nalalabhan ung bag na ginamit ko sa vietnam pero gagamitin ko na ulit! ang saya! kagabi ko lang napagdesisyunan... mga bandang alas onse ng gabi.. kaya mega empake ako hanggang alas 4 ng umaga.. mas maigi na to.. kesa mag-isa ako sa bahay at nakatunganga habang umiiyak.

haaay... being single sucks... but it also got its perks. :)

awwww...

my mother called me this morning:

m: ano som, musta ka na?
b: ok lang. bakit?
m: ba't ganyan boses mo? umiiiyak ka pa din?
b: e ginising mo kaya ako
m: ano, pengeng number ni b. pagalitan ko.
b: ano ba, para kang sira. wala na. ok na ko.

kahit hindi ako ok.. in fairness to my nanay, concerned naman sya. si b ang una kong nakarelasyon na inamin ko talaga.. kaya medyo affected din sila na natapos na.

it's nice to know na concerned nanaj ko saken. awwww. :)

it's over

so we've finally broken up. this time it's for real. this time it's final.

we dont talk. we rarely text. i removed his pictures from my bed. i un-friended him in facebook.

but he's still here in my heart. i still think about him every minute. i still love him.

i cry. oh you have no f*cking idea how i cry every night. i know it's cursed right from the start and it should be a relief to finally end it. you know it's not meant to last. seriously, do you ever think it will be us in the end? well i kinda hoped that that would be the case but i guess it is just not meant to be.

i was actually the one who called it off at first. i saw a wedding video and i felt sorry for myself that i am even prohibited from thinking about that. here i am with the love of my life but no dreams of going farther. blame me for watching too much romantic comedies but i am expecting a scene where the boy begs for forgiveness for making her not deserving of a nice wedding. then tells the girl that he cannot live without her. then promises to settle all legal issues and all will be well by the following year. it didnt happen. the next line that he uttered would be: can we still be friends? then he agreed to the break up without having second thoughts.

it is more of a bruised ego. if you've given up everything and the person could not even fight for you, would it not shatter your world? i know love is supposed to be unconditional but what the heck, his family does not even know my existence. he cannot even tell his friends whenever we bump into them that i am his girl, not even to his ugly ex gf's.

but in all fairness to him, he has been a very good bf in more ways than none. not the ideal but he got that rockstar-man of the house- outdoorsy persona that you'd admire him.

how many heartbreaks can a person take in a lifetime? maybe my mother got it right the first time (she married her first boyfriend) and all the bad luck of failed relationships all went down to her children. life is never fair.

now im back to square 1.. i am seriously getting tired of this game. how many more people shall i share my childhood, quirks, pet peeves and dreams? how many more people shall i surprise with what-nots? how many people shall i introduce to my family? how many more people to love then forget?