one lazy afternoon at discovery bay

together with three pinoy friends, we strolled around discovery bay. and i took some stolen shots of the kids. this is my first attempt on street photography. i still need a loooong time to get good images.

anyway, d-bay is a rich hk expat's favorite place to escape the chaotic city. this is the ideal place to rear kids. clean air, middle rise buildings, good community, tidy environment, beach, etc.

here are some photos of the kids:


asian among whites


shocked indian kids



3 kids, a woman and a balloon


slit eyes


hydrate



confused


siblings

work analysis

when i was working for an mnc, i used to complain because the work had gotten too boring. sure we had our stressful days but i used to do the same work everyday, which is translating and analyzing financial documents from latin america. it was fun at first since i was learning a lot. it was meant for business or accounting graduates, but i was fortunate to be hired. i had to master the four years of university experience of my co-trainees in two months. luckily i did fine. but after a year i got too stressed out. the usual line "there is not much room for growth" had been haunting me. there wasn't. really.

then came this hk job. being an ignorant yet adventurous girl, i didn't ask much about my job responsibilities. i was only asked to guarantee that i could speak and write excellent english and spanish. i didn't even know the name of the company. they were always quoting it as "mr chan's company" during my 3 interviews. i only found out when i got here. i was blinded by the fact that i could travel. i did not absorb anything else after that.

little did i know the responsibilities are too vague. it ranged from the most menial to the most intellectually challenging job one could ever have. my title is "marketing executive" but it could also be:

1. photographer and lay-out artist - i take photos of our products, download them and do magical modifications using photoshop. this is no easy task. one mug can take me 30 minutes to edit.

2. janitress - i wipe display stands, open and lock the showrooms, wash the wine glasses used during bullsh*t sessions, boil water for tea, make coffee, lift huge boxes of samples, pack samples

3. messenger - bring stuff from one place to another

4. barcode person - barcodes again??? haha, if there is one person who is effing tired of barcodes, that would have to be me. you have no idea how many barcodes i take care of. factories give their barcode. i remove their barcode and replace with ours. customer places order then send me their barcodes. i will then forward it to factory. then ill check all of these barcodes. freaking barcode lines.

5. shippping person - yeah, logistics. darn.

6. clerk - filing, filing, filing

7. ring binder - who would have thought that i will also do actual ring binding on a regular basis?

8. proofreader - yes, i am the human spellcheck of my team mates' emails. i always have to remind them that there is no such word as remainding and that they should use grateful not greatful when thanking somebody. oh and don't forget the difference between send and sent! i am not exaggerating when i say that they never learn. when i see their daily emails, they still interchange these two words.

9. sales lady - i take care of our booth during fairs. i wear heels and make up.i stand for at least 10 hours smiling and entertaining queries. i also have to endure bad body odor and bad breath of some nationalities.

10. customer service representative - yes, clients and factories contacts hunt me. receiving calls and emails in all caps, bold and at least ten exclamation marks are so common that i naturally miss them when i have a stress-less day. and i have to make all possible excuses. im an expert when it comes to inventing excuses now. i work for a reliable company but we just cannot please everybody.

11. secretary - enough said.

12. account manager - i have 1 irish, 4 south african, 1 american, 1 russian, 1 canadian and 1 german customer. all of them culturally diverse yet equally demanding. all of them requiring me to deal with at least two factories at a time. i take care of everything from sourcing to presentation to order follow up to customer evaluation. i also handle general merchandise apart from our major product which is ceramics. so i usually call or email queries to other suppliers. recently i was sourcing for a4 paper. holy sheesh, it's effing hard. i've been calling indonesian, malaysian and thai suppliers for months. i still could not get any good manufacturer. all of them do not have the capacity to export. everybody's running out of trees!

13. socialite - from kissing clients' asses during dinner meetings to fake drinking those branded drinks. haha, there was even a time when i threw bacardi and replaced it with water. i am rubbing elbows with the likes of mrs robina gokongwei and other owners of big retailer chains from other countries.

14. tour guide - we need to please clients as much as we can and touring them around hk is a constant. we also conduct occasional client visits to our factories in china. like this month, i need to go to china twice to accompany two of my clients.

15. singer/dancer - they always say that "filipinos are the best entertainers in the world", and yes i am always asked to do impromptu singing and dancing

16. project coordinator - my boss thinks i have a flair for writing (duh, i just stand out because the others are just plain lazy to do good presentations) and im good with techie stuff (when compared to my team mates)so she lets me do the big projects on a 3 day max notice.

17. translator - i dont have spanish accounts yet but some clients are too stubborn to reply in spanish when my colleagues write to them in english. the hardest translation i did while working here involves the chemical components of bath oils and body scrubs. those disodium, methylbenzopropalene, and other effing technical terms for 30 items! and to think that i hated chemistry in high school!

18. interpreter - yes, i never thought i could manage doing this. no time for my normal cognitive process at all! i was fed up once, i sarcastically said "yo no escuchaba" to my client from barcelona. darg. imagine being the center of everybody's attention and no excuse to screw up. i am left to amaze my boss, and i need to do well to close deals with clients. darg.


so you see, when you apply for a marketing executive position for a chinese company, expect to be doing a lot of some other stuff.


but overall, i am enjoying it yes despite the constant pressure and trauma. call me a masochist or hypocrite, but it's true. when i get tired of one responsibility, i still have 17 others to choose from. i never had so many choices in my life!

i can never get bored. just worn out.

this is a boring post, believe me. don't say i didn't warn you.

my friend recommended that i listen to the song "sundo" by imago. and i was so mesmerized. i lurve imago. i kept listening to their take 2 album. my faves there were "freefall", "taning" and the timeless "akap". there was even a time when i listened to akap for 8 hours straight. and i still listened to it the following day.
i didn't know that they have a new album, so i hurriedly searched sundo in youtube.
hands down.

now to the senti part. thanks to the songwriter, i came up with some realizations.

it talks about one person trying to fetch the one that she deeply loves after scouring the edges of the earth so they can go back home together.

love.
home.
together.


eversince i was a kid, i have always been depending on myself. i haven't experienced any life lessons from my parents. hell, they never intervened in my studies ever apart from paying my tuition. my mother only pressured me to master multiplying six digits by six digits when i was six years old and that was it. my father only taught me to avoid eating shrimp paste when with other people since it's too unfeminine and that was it.


i learned to be on my own on that unlucky day of june 1988. imagine an innocent five year old kid going to her first day of school without somebody to take her to her classroom and to face the bullies and unfriendly teacher because her mother is too shy and scared to mingle with other parents for they might speak to her in english and she wouldn't know how to respond. i learned that i needed to be tough to get by. or the world would just eat me alive. in a dog eat dog world, you need to appear strong so they don't cross you. i learned to deal with life that early.

but please note that i don't hate my parents for not giving me and my younger sister what ordinary kids should feel and have. we weren't a very showy family afterall.

i am frustrated (but not blaming them) because we never learned how to value the undeniable fact that it is a big relief to put defences down. i have always been putting this big protective wall so others don't see that i have a lot of shortcomings. they cannot see that i am weak. they can tear me apart, and i don't think there isn't much left of me after that.

i've been longing to go to a place to call home. a place where i won't feel scared. a place where i can feel like i do not have to present achievements all the time. a place where disappointments are non-existent. a place where i can just be myself. a place where i can enjoy my youth without much responsibility to be a role model or to be a grateful daughter.

and this affected my relationships with others. i tried relaxing a few times but i ended up getting devastated more than ever. i kept on ditching (well most of the time im the one getting ditched) would-have-been-long-lasting relationships. i may have ended up with some wrong people, but if i meet great but will later turn out to be unworthy ones, i definitely have a problem. one of them told me that i am unconvincingly showing that i am tough to make it look like im a good find, but i still end up scaring people away. and i think she is partially right. how can i expect others to love the whole of me when im obviously broken?

i appear cool, carefree, caring, and giving. that's been my reputation. but a few people who know me well can see in my eyes that i have always been this five year old kid scared of the world hopelessly looking out to window checking if her mother miraculously comes to her senses to fetch her. and her mother never did.

no one did.

im tired of playing this role.

now, can somebody fetch me and take me home?

life

life is sometimes hard to understand.

two hours after i posted my last entry, the guy concerned called! talk about being non-existent for a month and just when i was about to officially forget him, he pulls me back with his charming ways. i'd be a hypocrite if i say i was not happy to hear from him. but that time i think i handled things well. i appeared cool - friendly yet unclingy.

and i decided to pursue another hobby. it has to be completely different from what i have been doing. it has to be something that i never did before.

im thinking of:

1. writing poems
2. learning how to play a guitar
3. taking taekwondo lessons
4. taking muay thai lessons
5. learning russian
6. painting
7. scrapbooking

what to do?

cheesy

Before I finally move on and just forget the last guy i sort of hang out with, let me do some reminiscing. No more drama! People come and go. Let’s do this for cheesy purposes, alright?

Background: This guy is indeed one of the best when it comes to delivering bola lines. If you are looking for somebody who is convincingly good at lip service, then you must be envious of me now. I am so gullible and I usually believe what people around me say. So can you just imagine how blissful I was when he delivered such lines? Saying them and actually meaning them is another matter. But hey, a bola line is still a bola line, right?

Some lines from him:



***
We were in a bar. I was sort of teasing him since there were a lot of flirty girls around. And by flirty I mean those who would simply grab random guys and dirty dance with them.

Me: Come on, you don’t have to be shy. Choose a girl and dance with her.

Him: That’s why you’re here.

--- Haha! And it worked. We’ve been dancing whole night long.


***
I was uttering senseless and incoherent statements since he was confronting me about feelings and shit and stuff.

Me: I must be the most vague amongst the flings that you have had.

Him: I don’t know. I am not really into flings.

--- And would you curse me if I say I believed him? Wehe, for a moment I did.


***
We were in a bar full of people. We could bare move. It was really jampacked and people kept on bumping into each other.

Him: Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll protect you.

--- I felt safe all night.


***
He just came from his Shanghai Trip for four days. We were regularly seeing then. To be missing each other four days, we really couldn’t contain our excitement. But I saw him past midnight and I was too exhausted to show elation.

Him: You know what’s the problem with you?

Me: What?

Him: You’re so beautiful (Naks, thanks to the gym’s hairdryer)

Me: Ah ok, thanks.

Him: Say, what would you do if I kiss your right here right now? (We were in the same bar)

Me: I’d slap you.

Him: I don't care. I can take the slap.

--- He didn’t. That made me like him even more.


***
And ultimately, the cheesiest yet the most effective:

while we were having a yosi break on a bench:

me: ...blah blah... i hate shopping. i was never the shopping type of girl..

him: ok, please stop talking (as in panicky mood). im serious, you need to stop.

me: ok, ill stop. but may i know why?

him: bec i may fall in love with you.

me: ...

him: ok, you continue talking now.

me: why?

him: bec i want to fall in love with you.

--- Nyiiii… ;) I used up a 100 dollar worth of prepaid card in an hour just bragging about this moment to my friends in pinas.



If you want to ask where he is now, he is miles away. He’s got lots of jerk moments too but I’ll focus on the fun side of the times we spent together. So what if he vanished? He’s still a tiny tinge of my youth days. And I believe more exciting experiences are on their way.

No to bitterness! So what if you stumble and choose the wrong person? Just get up and move on. There are a lot of other things to do than wallow into something that was never meant to last anyway.

PS: I am not a player. I am just overwhelmed with positive vibes right now that I want to let go of some grudges I’ve been keeping. And I intend to keep it this way.

Peace of mind is really priceless.

this entry is about the land of milk and honey (or so they say)

i always thought i was special. i promised myself that i would never go desperate for money. i promised myself that i would never wear anything with fur. i promised myself that i would never kill anything alive that is bigger than an average gerbil. i promised myself that i would never get a police record. i promised myself that i would never get a red mark in my school grades. i promised myself that i would never get denied entry into another country, i am a frustrated jetsetter, am i not?

until last friday the 13th.

i was denied a US visa.

i was told that i do not have enough strong ties YET with hk since i have only been here a year. i was supposed to go to mexico this coming weekend, and i needed a visa from the countries en route to mexico city. i was just applying for a visa for the very reason that i need to transit through LA airport. still denied. i hope it isn't because of the passport im holding.

but i came to this realization: now i know why US is very wealthy. can you imagine the countless people trying to get into america everyday? and what is the acceptance rate? it maybe high for hong kong, but what about other countries with not-so-good reputation? they may intend to just contribute to america's tourism sector or do some thing to make america a better place, but they are denied and ripped off a 100 US dollars!

in my case, i was only interviewed for 20 seconds and i was denied straight away. he only asked about my occupation and how long have i been staying here. that is certainly not my money's worth! i understand that they need to be strict with regards to security especially after 9/11, not to mention the alarming number of illegal immigrants residing there, but just calculate the people who pay 100 dollars just to get poor service and consequently form a bad image of american people. and to think on how some of them look down on other races! can anybody tell them how much the embassies and consulates worldwide contribute to their economy? so dont get too self absorbed please.


i do not feel bad. i just want my 800 dollars back.

bitterness aside, i never dreamt of going there. if i were to marry a gambling lord right now and get loads of money to splurge, it is still not going to be in my top ten list, not even top thirty. i am not dying to get there like half of humanity, not in any forseeable future.

i was never excited to go to mexico anyway, especially for business. so overall, no hard feelings about me not getting the chance to the land of valeria montoya and marimar.

i just do not like getting rejected and ripped off. and it's a good percentage of my salary. damn it.

anniversary

i've been here exactly a year now. and i'm worn out. i called my bestfriend a while ago to basically rant. i'm worn out! imagine having to work 12 hours a day minimum including saturdays and sundays but at the end of the day still feel underappreciated.

let's weigh the pro's and con's, shall we?

PRO's
1. Been to South Africa once and countless of times in China; and on September: Moscow
2. Meet a lot of important people from around the world and consequently accept cultural difference
3. Ate those expensive foods which i would never dare buy for myself
4. I can live up to being the breadwinner of our family now
5. Get a steady supply of Chinese food from the company's free lunch
6. Practice English 24/7
7. Live in a good centralized apartment
8. All out independence
9. Broadening of knowledge
10. Getting away from my past in pinas

CON's
1. Smoking again
2. Drinking those freaking designer whiskeys
3. Treat 3 hours of sleep everyday as something usual
4. Getting laughed at yet i don't know why
5. Been called childish, a girl without a common sense, stupid, coward
6. Sacrifice English proficiency. If the people around you whom you thought could speak perfect English ask you how to spell improve, equivalent, decrease, highly, and the very difference between send and sent every freaking day, will you actually feel proud that you are working with them?
7. Felt like loosing my legs due to wearing heels everyday
8. Professional pressure. i have to live with everybody's expectations. the praise is all to the company but when things get messed up, i will be the only one to blame
9. Emotional torture. oh god, you have no idea how i deal with this every second of every day
10. Homesickness


overall, i never regretted coming here. i never will. i may lose sanity after my contract expires, but i think it will always be one of the best decisions i made. it taught me to stay strong amidst professional pressure and feeling of neglect from the ones i love back home. i think we all reach to a point when we feel too worn out. and whatever is our age, we will always feel like we can only take so much.

but i will remain strong. i am not letting myself down.

so come on you freaking chinese colleagues and bloody customers! i will finish my contract with flying colors, and i assure you that you will feel sorry when i leave in a year!

that's the spirit :p

everything i needed to know about the real world i learned in south africa

im stuck.

im stuck in a job contract which i realized isn't for me afterall.

believe me, I TRIED!

i've been staying in this company for a year now. im one shy and antisocial person. exerting the effort to be liked by others is never my forte. it's the number one principle of sales. no matter how smart you are, you can never get anywhere if you are not liked. hell, most of the good sales persons are stupid. they just get things their way because of lip service. that's why it's a big wonder why i am now in a sales/marketing executive position. and worse, im working for a chinese trading company. and believe me, chinese are the biggest suckers when it comes to servicing clients. i get yelled at when i don't refill my client's wine glass even if he's just taken a little sip. they can even kiss clients' ass if told to do so, no exaggeration. during my job interview, i was told that all i needed to do was speak and write exceptional english and occasional spanish. no sales responsibilities mentioned at all. i thought i could manage. i am the daughter of a salesman for 20 years afterall. but i guess im a living proof that some kids can really deviate from their progenitors.

i hate sales and everything that has to do with it. it's just not me.

anyway, so we were in south africa last week. you wouldn't fully understand how low i felt about myself when i went there. it's my first business trip and the truth that i will always be the ill mannered little girl trying to fit into the rich adult world has never been slapped to my face this hard.

for the entire week that i was there, i was criticized endlessly. if my boss could criticize me for breathing, she would very much do so. im supposed to be representing the company outside hk, and i am not doing a good job.

how about dancing unconsciously in the middle of the supermarket aisle when my favorite song was aired? i thought i just had to be myself???

why isn't my family born rich?

i should have known how to use those cutleries. oh god, those bloody cutleries! i should have known the different types of mustard for steak. i should have known those carpaccio and camembert. i should have known how to wear heels and dress more formally - comfortably. i should have known how to pretend to laugh without giggling. i should have known how to wear make-up. i should have known the streets and alleys of new york or london. i should have acquainted myself to all those freaking expensive brand names. i should have known technical terms about driving and car models. i should have traveled to australia or rome. i should have class.

to someone up there, if you really are out there, can you give me a break for a change? why not make me a photographer, a travel guide, or a social worker instead? i promise to stop putting up with jerks and consequently stop destroying myself and others if you give me any of these jobs with a salary that can make me and my parents get by everyday. i also promise to sleep early. and eat more veggies.

i still have so much life to live. yet im here. stuck.

hong kong handover fireworks show

good thing we arrived at hong kong on the first, and i was able to take photos of the 10th anniversary of the hk handover to china. you have no idea how i struggled to get to tsim sha tsui to get a glimpse of the show. it's like all of china was there.

hues, hues, hues




raining cats and dogs


bursting (this is my most favorite shot)



see how advanced the pyrotechnics technology now is? they can even go religious these days!



white fairies

rainbow nation

i almost didn't make it to south africa. i was not fit to go. i had a terrible flu the day before we flew. i went to the doctor and she recommended that i postpone my flight because the flu will only worsen, and i have to be considerate to the other passengers. i said i could not postpone it. we got our itinerary and appointments that it is too late to back out now. im really a walking jinx. in my 1 year in hk, i never got sick. and i caught a flu just when i was about to make my first business trip. damn.

i also had a huge pimple at the center of my nose. darn. first time in hk as well.

this is how sick and ugly i looked like when we landed at jburg. never mind the smile.



anyway, we stayed at rosebank hotel in johannesburg. not good. no ref, bar, microwave, slippers. good thing the people are nice.


and i sort of witnessed a history in johannesburg. it snowed on our second day and the locals claim that the last time it happened was twenty five years ago. so much for welcoming us. my first time to see snow.

we stayed in johannesburg for two nights and then we're off to cape town. cape town is more pleasant and it seems more homey than jburg.



the table mountain is the most prominent feature of cape town. it's overwhelmingly located at the heart of the city. you can see it anywhere you drive, and it will never fail to amaze you wherever you are.

table mountain during the day:






it looks even more majestic at night:



we stayed at the commodore hotel. a much better hotel than rosebank. and dig this, i got to stay in one twin room for one night due to booking problem. a nice twist of fate to refrain from staying with my boss for at least a night and regain sanity.




here are the things that i learned in south africa:

1. even though our clients are all white people, it is still a land of blacks. and they don't make a fuss about it.


2. it is a beautiful country.
one of 'em suburbs


the grace hotel





3. the crime rate is so alarming. the people do not use public transportation because they fear for their lives, thus the overcrowding of parking areas. the government is acting on it. you can hear in the radio how they try their best to convince south africans to report crimes no matter how petty they are. but it just wouldn't stop. such a pity for a beautiful country.

4. when you order for water, specify if you want still or sparkling.

5. food servings are really generous.

6. always watch out for what you eat or what you do. this is still a land of AIDS, and you have to be cautious at all times.

7. people are generally nice. just forget the high crime rate for a while.