after too much exhaustion from the hong kong fair, only 5% of my brain is working when i reached home at around 9pm on a sunday.
i couldn't get to sleep so i explored my pda. the wireless connection was unbelievably fast so i was more encouraged to do some net surfing. due to lack of sites to visit, i opted to revisit my yahoo mail folders.
there's this one particular folder that i shouldn't have created and consequently shouldn't have opened. it contains some mails from my ex. the reason why there's is a folder there in the first place is still a big question.
i cried upon re-reading this particular email, the most heartfelt letter someone has given me:
i felt bad last night bec of what happened..
between us,it seemed like having so much fun always has a counter-part fight in the end..
maybe one big factor that contributes to the fire is we're both tired and ungiving at the end of the day..
we always tend to commit mistakes by attack-counter-attack moves..
and we end up hurting each other..
it always happens, isn't?
and i'm not happy about it.
i'm never happy to yell at you like that..
you know me, it's not my ways..
i'm never happy that i'm hurting you..
i'm never happy that you're hurting me..
if we don't shape up and start confronting difficult situations like adults,
i think our end is near..
as much as possible, i don't want to see our conclusion too soon..
i've still so many plans for us and you're the same person i would like to share my life with..
but this chronique sickness of us just won't go away..
we're trapped in circles and i'm tired of it..
let's talk it through..
i think that's the only way to break it.
i hope you agree with me on this.
let's meet half-way baby..
we broke up 3 weeks after this email. and my life went downhill eversince, romantically speaking that is.
a friend once asked me if there's a part of my life which i regret. i usually say there isn't anything that in the past that i feel sorry for, because if not for the bad experiences i won't be the person that i am now. true enough.
but if i were to have a time machine, i'd definitely go back in time.
i'd definitely talk it through. i'd compromise. i'd do anything to save "us".
God, i want to love again.
Monday, April 23, 2007
para sa mga nagcocomment
treat for you allan and nins!
para sa dalawang taong hindi nagsasawang bumisita sa blog ko paminsan minsan at magcomment.
mga kuha naten three years ago. nahalukay ko sa yahoo folders ko courtesy of allan's phone:
sobrang miss ko na kayo!
with the special participation of jr.
para sa dalawang taong hindi nagsasawang bumisita sa blog ko paminsan minsan at magcomment.
mga kuha naten three years ago. nahalukay ko sa yahoo folders ko courtesy of allan's phone:
sobrang miss ko na kayo!
with the special participation of jr.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
last night
Last night was one hell of a night. After promising Annie that I will help her on her MBA thesis, I found myself committing to go alone at a fine dining Argentinean restaurant. I only have HK$300 (no joke, I remitted my month’s salary since it’s my sister’s grad) to last me until the end of April, and the cheapest meal there costs about HK$140. And you still have to take into consideration that you have to order red wine, and don't forget about service charge. But a promise is a promise, right?
So armed with my last bucks, a pair of high heels white sandals and a dress with an unbelievably low neckline, I was off to La Pampa restaurant. The task is actually simple, eat (and pretend that you don’t feel ripped off) and then approach the master chef (who happens to be a Filipino) for a brief interview. I made it a point that I come there an hour before closing time so I can excuse him since he should be finished cooking steaks at that time.
So I ordered Brochette de Pollo, grilled chicken with skewers, bacon and mashed potatoes. That meal is the second to the cheapest - $148. It took around 30 minutes for them to serve the dish. It means I only have half an hour to strategize how I can approach Kuya Tito, and to think how I can survive two weeks with a measly $100.
I am really a shy person. I do not know how to produce a punchline to spark a conversation. I am an anti-social. After too much thinking, I decided to just come back some other time, or just lie to Annie that I had been busy with work matters that I didn’t have time to go there. But I was like: I can’t put my $200 down the drain. And I won’t accept the fact that I wore this dress for nothing!
While I was busy debating with myself, I see Kuya Tito leaving the premises with his backpack. He’s about to head home! And I was just halfway finished with my $150 meal! But I do not have much choice so I signaled for the waiter to give me my bill. But before he comes with my bill, I ran for Kuya Tito outside the restaurant.
And the interview just happened naturally. Of course I had to expose my half-bare chest so he can accommodate me.
Dig this: I did not pay for my bill! After my introduction, he said we can go back inside the restaurant and discuss the questionnaire. He then signaled for the waiter to waive my bill since he knows me personally. I suddenly remember a line from Ala Paredes’ blog when she described a bar incident that involved her friend. YOU’RE TOO BEAUTIFUL TO PAY.
And don’t forget the dress!
And it was so easy. I was able to ask him the questions in Annie’s list in less than ten minutes. He said he’s going to some inuman session in a bar nearby and he asked if I want to join him. He said I will not feel out of place since a Filipina will be there. I had to reciprocate the generosity that he showed, so I accepted his offer. Also, I suddenly realize that I can gather more information for Annie’s thesis when I smooth talk him over some drink.
We went to Empire Bar. And I was introduced to La Pampa’s Director, and the bartenders of Empire who happened to be Filipinas. I initially asked for an iced tea. Then Cristy (one of the bartenders) served me a glass of red wine. By 0130 I was too wasted and groggy to function, but I still manage to show an interested aura and hold conversations. The other bartender, a nice lesbian, is kind enough to talk to me. I found out that we even have common friends, small world, eh? She has friends who were my classmates in high school.
Kuya Tito gets his phone and rings another friend who happens to be a Filipino manager of Bacar Bar. He asks me to accompany him to Bacar and chat with Evan. I nodded. We were served another glass of red wine in Bacar. After thirty minutes of casual conversation, they decide to return to Empire. Both Evan and Cristy are from the Bicol region and it will be nice to introduce them to each other. Upon return to Empire, I asked for another iced tea. After that, Cristy served me a Frente Branca plus coke cocktail. It is horrible for a non drinker like me!
We rode the same taxi and I reached home at exactly 0330. I have work at 0900! I quickly brushed my teeth and headed for my bed. I forgot that I washed my sheets and I have yet to put new ones. But I was too tired to even bother that I just rested my body in sheet-less bed.
Suddenly, I find myself unable to sleep! It must be all the iced tea! I try to avoid caffeine as much as I can, so I really get sleepless nights if I have intolerable amount of it inside my body.
I wasn’t able to sleep until 0600.
I had to get up at 0730 because of grumbling stomach from all the concoctions I had a few hours ago.
Now only 15% of my brain is working. Good thing there isn’t much work to do.
But overall, I am happy because I still have my $300 intact, I have contacts from bars that I can go there for free and I helped Annie. So much for reciprocating her hospitality in my Macau hibernation.
By the way, Kuya Tito is 54 years old.
Sometimes, a woman is really too beautiful to pay.
So armed with my last bucks, a pair of high heels white sandals and a dress with an unbelievably low neckline, I was off to La Pampa restaurant. The task is actually simple, eat (and pretend that you don’t feel ripped off) and then approach the master chef (who happens to be a Filipino) for a brief interview. I made it a point that I come there an hour before closing time so I can excuse him since he should be finished cooking steaks at that time.
So I ordered Brochette de Pollo, grilled chicken with skewers, bacon and mashed potatoes. That meal is the second to the cheapest - $148. It took around 30 minutes for them to serve the dish. It means I only have half an hour to strategize how I can approach Kuya Tito, and to think how I can survive two weeks with a measly $100.
I am really a shy person. I do not know how to produce a punchline to spark a conversation. I am an anti-social. After too much thinking, I decided to just come back some other time, or just lie to Annie that I had been busy with work matters that I didn’t have time to go there. But I was like: I can’t put my $200 down the drain. And I won’t accept the fact that I wore this dress for nothing!
While I was busy debating with myself, I see Kuya Tito leaving the premises with his backpack. He’s about to head home! And I was just halfway finished with my $150 meal! But I do not have much choice so I signaled for the waiter to give me my bill. But before he comes with my bill, I ran for Kuya Tito outside the restaurant.
And the interview just happened naturally. Of course I had to expose my half-bare chest so he can accommodate me.
Dig this: I did not pay for my bill! After my introduction, he said we can go back inside the restaurant and discuss the questionnaire. He then signaled for the waiter to waive my bill since he knows me personally. I suddenly remember a line from Ala Paredes’ blog when she described a bar incident that involved her friend. YOU’RE TOO BEAUTIFUL TO PAY.
And don’t forget the dress!
And it was so easy. I was able to ask him the questions in Annie’s list in less than ten minutes. He said he’s going to some inuman session in a bar nearby and he asked if I want to join him. He said I will not feel out of place since a Filipina will be there. I had to reciprocate the generosity that he showed, so I accepted his offer. Also, I suddenly realize that I can gather more information for Annie’s thesis when I smooth talk him over some drink.
We went to Empire Bar. And I was introduced to La Pampa’s Director, and the bartenders of Empire who happened to be Filipinas. I initially asked for an iced tea. Then Cristy (one of the bartenders) served me a glass of red wine. By 0130 I was too wasted and groggy to function, but I still manage to show an interested aura and hold conversations. The other bartender, a nice lesbian, is kind enough to talk to me. I found out that we even have common friends, small world, eh? She has friends who were my classmates in high school.
Kuya Tito gets his phone and rings another friend who happens to be a Filipino manager of Bacar Bar. He asks me to accompany him to Bacar and chat with Evan. I nodded. We were served another glass of red wine in Bacar. After thirty minutes of casual conversation, they decide to return to Empire. Both Evan and Cristy are from the Bicol region and it will be nice to introduce them to each other. Upon return to Empire, I asked for another iced tea. After that, Cristy served me a Frente Branca plus coke cocktail. It is horrible for a non drinker like me!
We rode the same taxi and I reached home at exactly 0330. I have work at 0900! I quickly brushed my teeth and headed for my bed. I forgot that I washed my sheets and I have yet to put new ones. But I was too tired to even bother that I just rested my body in sheet-less bed.
Suddenly, I find myself unable to sleep! It must be all the iced tea! I try to avoid caffeine as much as I can, so I really get sleepless nights if I have intolerable amount of it inside my body.
I wasn’t able to sleep until 0600.
I had to get up at 0730 because of grumbling stomach from all the concoctions I had a few hours ago.
Now only 15% of my brain is working. Good thing there isn’t much work to do.
But overall, I am happy because I still have my $300 intact, I have contacts from bars that I can go there for free and I helped Annie. So much for reciprocating her hospitality in my Macau hibernation.
By the way, Kuya Tito is 54 years old.
Sometimes, a woman is really too beautiful to pay.
this is a dream come true!
i never stopped talking about the photography exhibit, huh?! well i am not stopping any time soon!
check out our poster for the event:
isa pa ko sa mga contacts.. wehe!
my images are not included in the poster since i am relatively new to the club, but you can see my name!
and this is the invite:
happy to have a surname that starts with V. floating talaga sya dun!!
check out our poster for the event:
isa pa ko sa mga contacts.. wehe!
my images are not included in the poster since i am relatively new to the club, but you can see my name!
and this is the invite:
happy to have a surname that starts with V. floating talaga sya dun!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
post macau
After my Macau hibernation, all I wanted to do was trim down.
Check out my Macau routine:
Wake up at 12 noon for breakfast.
Watch MTV for an hour then lunch time.
Watch another HBO movie for two hours, then eat merienda.
Take a bath, go sightseeing til 7pm.
Dinner.
Watch two HBO movies.
Midnight snack.
YM til 4am.
No household chores at all! This is life! No work, househelp, family, lots of people to talk to, TV, unlimited fast internet. It couldn’t get any better than this.
Do this for five days and when you go back to reality, you just feel frustrated because it has ended and guilty because you’re bloated when summertime is fast approaching.
So apart from tiring myself in the gym, here are the things that I did last week:
1. Watched “Meet the Robinson’s”. It was a choice between this movie and Hilary Swank’s “The Reaping.” It was such a treat. I just realized that this is the first comedy movie I watched in a moviehouse in HK. I admire how they plotted the twists but somehow didn’t make you think. I also liked how they focused on not giving up despite constant failures. As they always said in the movie: Keep moving forward.
2. Confirmed Basic Cantonese Language Course. In due time, I will understand what my two-faced colleagues are saying. It’s supposed to be a good thing, isn’t it? Something tells me it can be otherwise. But I really wanted to take advantage of the course since it’s so cheap! HK$100 for the entire course that will last for more than 3 months. It is a 3 hour session every Sunday. Not bad, eh? I will start on the 29th.
3. Confirmed that I will be participating in the upcoming “Pagbabalik” Exhibit of the Philippine Photographer’s Club – HK. I will commit two photos. This is certainly a dream come true. I know no one’s going to buy my images, since I will be exhibiting the ones that were taken when I was still using my low tech digital camera, but still!!! To become an exhibitor is an honor in itself.
4. Went swimming. It’s been months since I last dipped in a pool. I still used the kiddie pool.
5. Met up with a relative. It’s been a while since I last hugged somebody.
6. Read Cliff’s Notes of Edith Wharton’s “The Age of Innocence”. Call me a cheater, but I wasn’t really a fan of classics. A nice, telenovela-ish story.
7. Ate Cold Sabo Salad, a Japanese salad. I want more!
8. Applied for a Chinese visa. I am going to the Canton Fair next week.
Check out my Macau routine:
Wake up at 12 noon for breakfast.
Watch MTV for an hour then lunch time.
Watch another HBO movie for two hours, then eat merienda.
Take a bath, go sightseeing til 7pm.
Dinner.
Watch two HBO movies.
Midnight snack.
YM til 4am.
No household chores at all! This is life! No work, househelp, family, lots of people to talk to, TV, unlimited fast internet. It couldn’t get any better than this.
Do this for five days and when you go back to reality, you just feel frustrated because it has ended and guilty because you’re bloated when summertime is fast approaching.
So apart from tiring myself in the gym, here are the things that I did last week:
1. Watched “Meet the Robinson’s”. It was a choice between this movie and Hilary Swank’s “The Reaping.” It was such a treat. I just realized that this is the first comedy movie I watched in a moviehouse in HK. I admire how they plotted the twists but somehow didn’t make you think. I also liked how they focused on not giving up despite constant failures. As they always said in the movie: Keep moving forward.
2. Confirmed Basic Cantonese Language Course. In due time, I will understand what my two-faced colleagues are saying. It’s supposed to be a good thing, isn’t it? Something tells me it can be otherwise. But I really wanted to take advantage of the course since it’s so cheap! HK$100 for the entire course that will last for more than 3 months. It is a 3 hour session every Sunday. Not bad, eh? I will start on the 29th.
3. Confirmed that I will be participating in the upcoming “Pagbabalik” Exhibit of the Philippine Photographer’s Club – HK. I will commit two photos. This is certainly a dream come true. I know no one’s going to buy my images, since I will be exhibiting the ones that were taken when I was still using my low tech digital camera, but still!!! To become an exhibitor is an honor in itself.
4. Went swimming. It’s been months since I last dipped in a pool. I still used the kiddie pool.
5. Met up with a relative. It’s been a while since I last hugged somebody.
6. Read Cliff’s Notes of Edith Wharton’s “The Age of Innocence”. Call me a cheater, but I wasn’t really a fan of classics. A nice, telenovela-ish story.
7. Ate Cold Sabo Salad, a Japanese salad. I want more!
8. Applied for a Chinese visa. I am going to the Canton Fair next week.
Friday, April 13, 2007
syemay
chanced upon this in a peyups thread:
1. women who have not had sex by the age of 25, are more prone to ovarian cancer
2. women who have not given birth by the age of 25 are more prone to breast cancer, for some vague reason
oh no... time is running out!
then mojofly's tumatakbo rings in my head...
1. women who have not had sex by the age of 25, are more prone to ovarian cancer
2. women who have not given birth by the age of 25 are more prone to breast cancer, for some vague reason
oh no... time is running out!
then mojofly's tumatakbo rings in my head...
personality disorder
took this online personality disorder test. here are my results:
Your Results:
Disorder Rating Information
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: Very High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
i'm worried. have to consult a therapist soon.
wehe! ;)
Your Results:
Disorder Rating Information
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: Very High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
i'm worried. have to consult a therapist soon.
wehe! ;)
Thursday, April 12, 2007
wehe!
flirting with another guy right now. wikiii!!!
it's a bit impossible though.
he's in pinas. i'm here in hk.
i said i'm so through with LDR's.
pero ang saya makipaghiritan/landian. as in.
hehe. ;)
it's a bit impossible though.
he's in pinas. i'm here in hk.
i said i'm so through with LDR's.
pero ang saya makipaghiritan/landian. as in.
hehe. ;)
sariwang balita
this event transpired two minutes ago.
lunch time
while i am heartily having my lunch, my boss who is currently having a meeting with our chilean clients, andres and paula, in our showroom called me and asked to bring over some christmas designs.
upon reaching the showroom:
me: hello, good afternoon!
andres: hola, como estas? (sabay beso beso)
me: bien (speechless)
i went over to paula para makibeso beso din
me: hola!
paula: como estas, blossom
me: bien (halatang natataranta) que tal el viaje?
paula: bien, y vos?
me: ...(speechless na naman!)
the bigger boss: see (speaking to paula), you and blossom can pass as sisters!
me:... (naka ng! speecheless pa din!)
paula: mucho trabajo?
me: ... (silent na naman!)
after 5 seconds of PURE silence
boss: she's (referring to me) working hard.
waaaaahhhhh!!! ang bobo ko na magespanyol!!!
syet. im doomed.
lunch time
while i am heartily having my lunch, my boss who is currently having a meeting with our chilean clients, andres and paula, in our showroom called me and asked to bring over some christmas designs.
upon reaching the showroom:
me: hello, good afternoon!
andres: hola, como estas? (sabay beso beso)
me: bien (speechless)
i went over to paula para makibeso beso din
me: hola!
paula: como estas, blossom
me: bien (halatang natataranta) que tal el viaje?
paula: bien, y vos?
me: ...(speechless na naman!)
the bigger boss: see (speaking to paula), you and blossom can pass as sisters!
me:... (naka ng! speecheless pa din!)
paula: mucho trabajo?
me: ... (silent na naman!)
after 5 seconds of PURE silence
boss: she's (referring to me) working hard.
waaaaahhhhh!!! ang bobo ko na magespanyol!!!
syet. im doomed.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
macau - kum iam statue
kum iam statue, the buddhist goddess of compassion is built by the portuguese sculptress christina rocha leiria. it houses the kum iam ecumenical center and
stands 7 meters.
fountain show across the statue
macau - fisherman's wharf
fisherman's warf = macau's greenbelt/eastwood and so much more
gigantic awards
this has got to be my favorite shot in macau. just love it.
posts with sands casino's emblem
mini fuente
gigantic awards
this has got to be my favorite shot in macau. just love it.
posts with sands casino's emblem
mini fuente
zhuhai - yuanmingyuan
back to china!
never really got out of china, eh?! been traveling for a while but i never really went out of china. what the heck?! china is such a huge place that you can actually spend a life time (well not really that long) exploring it.
so zhuhai naman! it's just a 10 minute bus ride from macau. it's that close!
annie took me to yuanmingyuan, yes the same name as in beijing's (aka old summer palace).
and boy, kaya pala parehong name kase replica! zhuhai's yuanmingyuan is like the mini version of beijing's old and new summer palace plus the forbidden palace. as in ganun na ganun! i was ranting at annie because we should have just gone to zhuhai instead of beijing. hehe. syempre joke lang un. i love both.
perspective shots supposedly
i am sorry, but this school of fish really gave me the goosebumps. i don't know why. maybe they're humongous and colorful and something...
macau - religiosity
being part of the return to the filipino community, i joined the entire salvador and enerlan clan on their religious activities for the lenten season. for those who know me, you'd be surprised to know this since i grew up in a family where religiosity is NEVER encouraged. we treat lenten season as a time to bond with the family, i.e., magtong-its hanggang umaga.
don bosco church on a maundy thursday
san antonio church on a good friday
AT ETO PA, eto ultimate:
i went to the via crucis event! do you know what that is? you walk for almost one hour and you pray the rosary. your ultimate destination will be the stations of the cross. there are 14 stops that show papa jesus' sacrifice. you pray and there will be some reflection portion. and dig this: i read twice! saan ka pa? novice pero nagtake two pa. ;)
this is such a first time for me so i took photos of the stations where i got to lead:
sadly, i overslept on the next two mornings. so no church on black saturday and easter sunday. as in lunch time na talaga ako tumayo. boohoo for me.
macau - st paul's ruins
st paul's ruins has been the heart of macau tourism before the establishment of casinos and macau tower. why not, it was once the center of catholicism in east asia and it has stood a lot of natural and man made disasters.
with beautifully maintained landscape
with a bronze statue on one of the benches
macau - second time around
after my disappointing skywalk adventure at the macau tower three months ago, i decided to give macau a chance.
macau tower up close during the day
these are some of the european style buildings that you can find at the largo do senado:
macau tourism office
santa casa de misericordia - built in 1568, this is the oldest european charity in china
haha! whatever! i just did not have enough money to go to taiwan, so i have no choice but to hibernate in annie's abode. and it was such a fun experience. it's really like i am in pinas! all the pinoy food round the clock! grabe, kahit latang-lata na ung gulay ng munggo sa ilang beses na paulit ulit pinapainit, pinapatulan ko pa din! and don't forget the pinaksiw na tulingan! pati carioca! tsaka palitaw!
at andami daming tao! di nauubusan ng bisita! di ka mauubusan ng kausap!
hmmm... i miss home...
Thursday, April 5, 2007
"the visit"
my bestfriend visited me here for two nights. i really missed her. i may pretend to be strong and not care about whom i left back home, but deep inside i know that i am willing to endure additional torture days from work if i can be given a few days to be with them.
since this is my blog and i am supposed to pour my heart out, i will try to be more personal in my entries. sure i derive a lot of satisfaction from posting my prized photos, but it will be nicer to share my sentiments about my inner and outer struggles.
so she asked about my life here. i didn't cry but i felt overpowered by too much negative feeling. it's like putting all your defences down. eversince i graduated from UP, i lived in a world where i am always the youngest. i always needed to fit in to the adult world. i don't have an excuse to act silly, to be ignorant, to be confused. and it wears me out every day. im a little girl with so much life yet too much responsibilty that i can barely become the bubbly blsm that i always am.
i am the sole breadwinner of my family now. i am obliged to give them monthly allowance enough to sustain their lifestyle. i do not have a problem doing it but there are times when i think of my own plans. i want to study abroad. i want to be unemployed for two months and just meditate in an isolated abode then read all the books i wanted to read and write an encyclopedia thick journal. i want to drain my savings and spend on a cruise vacation or europe backpacking. i want to join a UN event without expecting a compensation. i want to join a camp that lasts for weeks. i want to joy ride the visayan islands during the entire summer season. i want to be a full time swimming, flute, judo and tennis student.
but all of these are close to impossible since i have to work so my loved ones can continue getting by. a lot of people depend on me now, and im prohibited to think selfishly. accepting everything is not an easy task. i don't think i have gone to the point where i realized the sense of it all. but even if i don't understand the how's and why's of what is happening, there's not much choice, is there?
ON A LIGHTER NOTE...
i asked my bestfriend to buy me a dozen condoms. a condom can only cost you five pesos in the philippines, while it costs 20 dollars in hk. ridiculous right?! it's like they really celebrate procreation in hong kong.
anyway, like i can use them anytime soon! haha! if i don't overwork, i just rot myself in public libraries or in the gym. no time to snag a guy at all! i think they'd be expired before i can get a fubu. i couldn't get more honest and blatant than this!. please note that i this is the "other" me, the uncontrolablly horny and uncivilized me writing this entry. i'll be more sober next time. i am absolutely booze free. it must be all the food that the salvador family has been sharing with me.
i told her how i "flirt" with my guys. and she was utterly disappointed. she was like: blsm, you're supposed to be intelligent and signals like those from guys do not need a genius to be reciprocated. what can i do? i was never really acquainted to the art of flirting. will i still be a 23 year old unattached virgin if i can easily get a guy? sablay forever!
i can see myself adopting an innocent toddler when i turn 30. then my adopted kid becomes a rebel and leaves me for drugs during her teenage years and i am left alone to fend for myself until i turn 80.
life, oh life.
since this is my blog and i am supposed to pour my heart out, i will try to be more personal in my entries. sure i derive a lot of satisfaction from posting my prized photos, but it will be nicer to share my sentiments about my inner and outer struggles.
so she asked about my life here. i didn't cry but i felt overpowered by too much negative feeling. it's like putting all your defences down. eversince i graduated from UP, i lived in a world where i am always the youngest. i always needed to fit in to the adult world. i don't have an excuse to act silly, to be ignorant, to be confused. and it wears me out every day. im a little girl with so much life yet too much responsibilty that i can barely become the bubbly blsm that i always am.
i am the sole breadwinner of my family now. i am obliged to give them monthly allowance enough to sustain their lifestyle. i do not have a problem doing it but there are times when i think of my own plans. i want to study abroad. i want to be unemployed for two months and just meditate in an isolated abode then read all the books i wanted to read and write an encyclopedia thick journal. i want to drain my savings and spend on a cruise vacation or europe backpacking. i want to join a UN event without expecting a compensation. i want to join a camp that lasts for weeks. i want to joy ride the visayan islands during the entire summer season. i want to be a full time swimming, flute, judo and tennis student.
but all of these are close to impossible since i have to work so my loved ones can continue getting by. a lot of people depend on me now, and im prohibited to think selfishly. accepting everything is not an easy task. i don't think i have gone to the point where i realized the sense of it all. but even if i don't understand the how's and why's of what is happening, there's not much choice, is there?
ON A LIGHTER NOTE...
i asked my bestfriend to buy me a dozen condoms. a condom can only cost you five pesos in the philippines, while it costs 20 dollars in hk. ridiculous right?! it's like they really celebrate procreation in hong kong.
anyway, like i can use them anytime soon! haha! if i don't overwork, i just rot myself in public libraries or in the gym. no time to snag a guy at all! i think they'd be expired before i can get a fubu. i couldn't get more honest and blatant than this!. please note that i this is the "other" me, the uncontrolablly horny and uncivilized me writing this entry. i'll be more sober next time. i am absolutely booze free. it must be all the food that the salvador family has been sharing with me.
i told her how i "flirt" with my guys. and she was utterly disappointed. she was like: blsm, you're supposed to be intelligent and signals like those from guys do not need a genius to be reciprocated. what can i do? i was never really acquainted to the art of flirting. will i still be a 23 year old unattached virgin if i can easily get a guy? sablay forever!
i can see myself adopting an innocent toddler when i turn 30. then my adopted kid becomes a rebel and leaves me for drugs during her teenage years and i am left alone to fend for myself until i turn 80.
life, oh life.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
hong kong - pok fu lam reservoir
Last Sunday, we hiked Pok Fu Lam Reservoir.
This was the view when we started the hike.
This was my first time to go hiking in Hong Kong with Pinoy friends.
You don't really notice the difficulty of the track since you have somebody to talk to.
Fatigue is somehow diverted when you tell senseless stories to friends.
The trail is the least difficult among the HK hikes that I've had. It only took us a little more than two hours, to think that we got lost for a few kilometers. But overall, it is still a nice experience.
A turtle spotted in the reservoir. It is joined by other types of fish. Think of it this way: whatever comes out of my faucet is surely mixed with turtle wastes. That's why the water is a bit colored at times. Waaaahhh!!!
This was the view when we started the hike.
This was my first time to go hiking in Hong Kong with Pinoy friends.
You don't really notice the difficulty of the track since you have somebody to talk to.
Fatigue is somehow diverted when you tell senseless stories to friends.
The trail is the least difficult among the HK hikes that I've had. It only took us a little more than two hours, to think that we got lost for a few kilometers. But overall, it is still a nice experience.
A turtle spotted in the reservoir. It is joined by other types of fish. Think of it this way: whatever comes out of my faucet is surely mixed with turtle wastes. That's why the water is a bit colored at times. Waaaahhh!!!
Monday, April 2, 2007
the week that was
What I did last week?
1. Watched "The Pursuit of Happyness". I did not cry, but I felt more ready to accept life's blows. If Chris Gardner can do it, so can I.
2. Dinner with my direct manager, as in my previous post.
3. Dinner with my bosses, and two Canadian customers at one of Lei Yue Mun's seafood restaurants.
4. Mixer with UP Alumni Association - Hong Kong. I haven't been out with too much UP graduates all my life. Ang kulit! Ang saya!
5. Finished Murakami's "Wind Up Bird Chronicle". It has to be my least favorite among his works. Too thick yet very vague.
6. After 8 months, I was able to watch Maalaala Mo Kaya and Little Big Superstar. The best pa rin talaga ang MMK.
7. Finished Mitch Albom's "For One More Day" in one night. I almost cried. I miss my family.
8. Hiked Pok Fu Lam Reservoir. This time I was with 5 pinoy friends. I'll post pictures shortly.
1. Watched "The Pursuit of Happyness". I did not cry, but I felt more ready to accept life's blows. If Chris Gardner can do it, so can I.
2. Dinner with my direct manager, as in my previous post.
3. Dinner with my bosses, and two Canadian customers at one of Lei Yue Mun's seafood restaurants.
4. Mixer with UP Alumni Association - Hong Kong. I haven't been out with too much UP graduates all my life. Ang kulit! Ang saya!
5. Finished Murakami's "Wind Up Bird Chronicle". It has to be my least favorite among his works. Too thick yet very vague.
6. After 8 months, I was able to watch Maalaala Mo Kaya and Little Big Superstar. The best pa rin talaga ang MMK.
7. Finished Mitch Albom's "For One More Day" in one night. I almost cried. I miss my family.
8. Hiked Pok Fu Lam Reservoir. This time I was with 5 pinoy friends. I'll post pictures shortly.