photo of the day: day 15

some gummy candies from my french colleague who just came back from his wedding vacation.

life is a pack of candies. minsan as shitty as a frog. or twisted. or dark. or lively. or just plain surprising that you dont know which one you get from the container.

ang sabi ng lawyer...

May pinuntahan akong kasal dito sa HK nung sabado. Isa sa mga witnesses ay isang lawyer. Ewan kung pa'no nagsimula... pero nabanggit nya na kahit legally married na ang isang tao sa pinas, pwede pa din syang magpakasal sa hk at maging legit un. Basta syempre sa hk marriage registry, hindi sa phil consulate. Tapos wag daw dadalhin sa pinas. Kase pag nagkataon pwedeng kasuhan ng bigamy.

Hmmm... wala naman. Pwede pala un. Kaya lang di ko na kelangan e. di na applicable ngayon. Pambibitter aside, buti na lang! hahahaha! If I want to get married I want all the drama! Ayoko ng 2 minute ceremony. Iba iba lang siguro yan... pero for me gusto ko talaga magsuot ng wedding gown tapos maglakad sa aisle tapos feeling ko ang ganda ganda ko! Maiiyak siguro ako sa lungkot kung 2 minute monotone ceremony lang ang mangyayari sa inaasam ko buong buhay ko. I would rather wait for the right person kesa magkasya sa 2 minute ceremony.

Nga pala, b didn't greet me on my bday. Medyo disappointed ako ng bahagya pero I got over it quite soon. Labing limang tao ang kapalit and it turned out to be the best bday ever. Pinadelete ko na din sya sa friends ko sa facebook para di ko na sya ini-istalk. Dati I log in using e's account just to see kung ano na ginagawa nya. Or kung may babae ba syang nililigawan ngayon. Now I could not be bothered. Siguro tama lang na di nya ko ni-greet.

I am getting more and more comfortable being alone now. Tsaka nagiging responsible na ko. I cook proper food (as in di lang prito prito), I sweep the floor of the flat, I throw the garbage away... all the works! Everything na dati inaasa ko sa kanya. So this is turning out to be for the better after all. v(^v^)v

photo of the day: day 14

this is the front of my mini fridge. i was reminiscing through the times when i was on a trip, and hell yeah it felt good. i want to keep traveling until i grow old. i want to keep collecting magnets until im 90!

my upcoming trips for the rest of the year!

sept: cebu
october: tagaytay
november: undecided... but ill plan on something
december: australia and/or taiwan! woohoo!



after australia, antarctica na lang! woopee!

photo of the day: day 12 & 13

since i wasn't home again last night... i have to post two pics now.




first includes parts of my birthday cakes in the office. these were my first bday cakes in hk! and when it rains it pours! 3 hrs later my friends prepared cakes for me and darl! i knew my 27th bday would be special... and i wasn't wrong!

then here's the card signed by my friends. they are really the sweetest! awwwww!

my super fun birthday!!!

have i said i have the coolest friends?! they made my nicest bday celebration to date! despite the little glitch on the wrong email... my pinoy gang mates planned everything on the night of my birthday... they surprised me and darl at a thai restaurant, gave us flowers, cake, birthday card, perfume and we spent the rest of the night with a looot of shooters, drinks and getting really really drunk. it was crazy!!!



aaahhh... if birthdays just keep getting better, i can't wait for the years to come! woot woot!

27th on 27th

‎27th on 27th. when i was young i thought this was the perfect age. i'd be married and rich. now im single and my bank account is almost empty. but i have to say... despite the shemexes it's better than i'd ever hoped for. so rock on, bitches!
this is my fb status.

a couple of days ago i wrote how depressed i was that i'd eventually grow old alone... but i deleted it because the pathetic-ity (is there such a term? hahaha) was just plain annoying. this is MY perfect age. it should not involve anybody. i should be comfortable about my entry to adulthood and deal with life as it is, without dwelling on the past or wondering what could have been if i decided to take the other option.

and fuck it, im going to refrain listening to non-dance songs for the meantime. they just foster depression. we are sad because of the songs that we listen to about loving and losing it. so i'd rather listen to black eyed peas than sarah mclachlan!

the minute the clock struck 12 last night i turned on the speakers full blast and danced to jt's 'signs' in front of the mirror in my undies. i've got big tummy and arms and it's one of the rare moments when i didn't feel bad about my all curvy body. i feel fine and i actually feel sexy.

from here on... my mantras would be: 1) i go for it because i deserve it, and 2) i am a sexy bitch and i seriously dont care what you think

happy birthday to me! i look forward to 27 more years of ups and downs!

photo of the day: day 11

i had a sudden craving for a HD ice cream. so i stormed out of the office to buy one with coins in my hands. happiness is worth $23. it's sooo good that every tiny scoop i take contains macadamia bits! woopeee!!!

photo of the day: day 10

and the birthday celebrations have begun! i met my former housemate and she treated me to my favorite vietnamese restaurant... whenever i go there i never miss the deep fried spring rolls and chicken salad. there were only two of us but we ordered a lot and we managed to finish all of them. vietnamese food is love.

photo of the day: day 9

a miniature bike. pasalubong ko dapat kay b. actually binili ko yan sa china. break na kame ng a little over a week pero ewan for some reason optimistic pa din ako nun na magkakabalikan kame. saka naging ugali ko na talaga ung magdala ng something for him when im overseas. 31 months na dapat kame ngayon.

pero ngayon, isa na lang syang dekorasyon sa bahay ko. buti na lang nahuhumaling ako sa biking at kunwari can relate ako dito. i love love biking. ung tipong tahimik ka lang habang nagpepedal. tapos you let the wind blow into your face. sarap sarap! lalo na pag downhill, almost as good as o!

photo of the day: day 8

that's the wall climbing thingo at the ymca. im going to enrol there soon!!!

just take my heart when you go...

I'll always love you, but you're too hard to hold. -- mr big band

lagi nya kinakanta yan dati. kakatapos lang ng 2nd month ng break up namen. punyeta talaga...

photo of the day: day 6 & 7

i wasnt online last night. i went biking and had to stay over at a friend's place so i have to post two images now.

here are my photos of the day(s).

first is my stress toy at work. the eyes pop out and it really helps to de-stress once in a while. it's pretty used up these days.



this is a photo from our biking trip at the airport last saturday. it was quite a nice trip. then i stayed over at a friend's place. i got drunk, abused my lungs by the shisha, and traded secrets. aaahhh... it's nice to let it all out sometimes.

photo of the day: day 5

those are deep fried sparrows. had them when i was in hanoi. it's like pinas' one day old chick, only less creepy because you don't really have much of the bones.

oo nga naman

i was having a little chat session with one of my closest friends from pinas.


b:
- in all honesty
- sa tingin mo
- magandang makipagbalikan ako kay b?

a:
- di
- eh parang ayaw na nya eh
- susi nga lang ""bye susi mo"

kaya mahal ko yang si a. sasabihin nya blatantly ang ayaw kong aminin sa sarili ko.

natatakot ako sa birthday ko next week. natatakot na nachachallenge. im drowning in depression pero at the same time i've been really trying to rise from this situation. it's a test of one's spirit but sometimes i doubt if i am that strong.

photo of the day: day 4

i know this is late. i went to ladies night again last night and went drunk as usual. we went to cavern and danced to r&b songs... then went to a more cozy bar where we stayed until 3am! i had to sleep again at a friend's place! looks like this is going to be a weekly habit!

This is the culprit amongst all the drinks I had last night that’s why I am nursing this hangover again! NOTHING! I don’t know why they called it ‘Nothing’ when it’s supposed to be everything that can make you drunk!!! It should at least be ‘Something’!!!



I did a lot of first times last night:

1) drank ‘nothing’
2) touched real blue flame with my bare hands
3) danced with a super weird Japanese old guy --- ewwww!!!
4) saw a guitarist who looks like b… and made me think that I want to go back to him –- but no, I will not concede! (?)

Fuck rockstars! They charm their way to your heart then when you open up to them they shatter it into pieces and not feel sorry for it! Bitter? It’s the ‘nothing’ talking!!!

my company has travel plans for me!!!

kahit di matuloy... at least may intention. :)

hay naku, meron akong bagong admirer

jgl,
you know i loved keanu for 15 years. you cannot just throw that away.
but i'll give you a chance.
good thing you're so hot at 'inception'.

xoxo,
blsm

dear papa jesus

ung wish ko pwede bang i-advance mo na?

kase lintek ang loneliness. nakakairita na. di ko naman mapigilang hindi maramdaman.

photo of the day: day 3

slurpee becomes half the fun without you. but in all fairness to 7-11, the melon flavor is by far the best ever.

photo of the day: day 2

you know what an incense is... but ever wondered how it's made? i tried it in vietnam! it's part of my local day tour in hue and i was brought by my guide to the incense village and the ladies let me try making one! it's really pretty simple. like a sandy shit material made of gun powder and other stuff (literally shit) that you roll into a thin wooden stick then you add glue to make the compound compact.

tinawagan ako ng familia ko

binalitaan lang ako na hindi pa sila tumatama sa jueteng para may panghanda sa bday ko! what the hell?!? hahaha! i have a sweet family in a balasubas cute way.

i miss them.

my little photo project

'cause i try to not be a depressed bitch no 'mo... im going to start a little project. one photo a day. it does not have to be super artsy or dslr-ish.. in fact i will use my little digital camera most of the time. just something to share every day. it will be something that struck me... or could be a non-uploaded photo that i took in the past. as long as it has at least one sentence story (or could be a phrase) to it.

for my first photo: it's the road in between the ever posh peninsula hotel and the ymca. i used to go to the bar at the top of the peninsula with my previous company where i took clients for drinks. i never failed to visit the bathroom because i was told that it was designed by a famous french artist. i never really understood the design as it looks like any 5 star hotel to me... but i still went anyhow just for the sake of going. their drinks are double the price of the bars in hk and i bet a portion of that big price goes to the toilet. the ymca is my school for my mandarin class that i attend to every monday.

i miss

spooning.

statements such as 'you're beautiful' after dressing up.

being asked how my day went.

being stared and pinched on the chin.

being loved.


i know my previous posts have been empowering. but i admit that i back down sometimes. especially tonight. i dont know... friday has been my lowest day of the week.

it's not really him that i miss. i miss being loved. when i had my heartbreaks before i got a full friend and family support. i would cry for weeks. i had e to literally slap me to wake up from all my stupidity.

but it's different here. i got friends, sweet and caring. but they're not the type that i would cry on their shoulders. would you believe that when we broke up i had to call someone long distance so i could cry?

it's a dog eat dog world here and crying is always a sign of weakness. i am a jolly person when i go out, pretending that getting my heart broken is the best thing i did in weeks. but up to now i still wish that even if he didnt have keys, i would still catch him outside my lift saying something apologetic. we dont have to be reunited but i want him to wish me happiness and say that he did love me.

oh god, if there's just a button that can make you feel numb, i'd have that all over my body. i seriously need a sincere hug right now. i dont have to bad mouth him. i dont have to pretend that im doing fine. in fact i dont have to say anything. i just need a sincere hug. i dont have to hear anything from that person. i dont need assurance that things will be fine. i just need a hug. and preferably with a big box of tissue.

dont you just love ladies' nights?

i am now struggling with a hangover and i am writing this while im in the office.

i was so drunk last night. i partied til 3am that i had to sleep over at a friend's place... and it was only wednesday! several guys were trying to hit on us and we kept drinking. and drank some more.

aaahhh... the joys of singlehood. high five!

my very first e-flyer

woopee!!! the first markething thingo that bears my name! almost 1k people in the trading companies from Latin America and Spain will read this tonight. Yiiii... my knees are shaking! high five!

and so we met

i lost my keys yesterday. just when i was about to hold a housewarming party for five people at my tiny flat, last night... i realized that i lost all my keys! darn! good thing i got my friends and they adopted me for a night. awwww... i got super sweet friends.

anyway, the only solution that i got is b. he got duplicates and i know it's not the best time. i was desperate so i had to call him. he was practically ignoring my calls and he would prefer that we text instead. it was a few exchange of texts and he confirmed that he could meet me next day. i was a bit paranoid last night because i did not know if he's meeting me or not. i got a text in the morning saying he could me in the afternoon, which i am literally thankful for.

so we saw each other... after almost two months. he cut his hair. he got that gigantic bike.

what did i feel? i have to admit that there's that one second jump in my heart the moment i first saw him. i have to admit that i wanted to hug him. like what they see in movies... they hug one last time to check if they still love each other.

but you know what, i dont think i still need that. it's gone. i dont love him anymore. it's amazing how you can un-love a person in a very short time. i just need to see him and it got me thinking, hey i am so glad we're no longer together. and im pretty sure you agree with me 100%. it's like you dont know this person anymore and you just laugh all the times that you were trying to get over it.

we talked for 30 seconds. and he turned back to leave. i said thank you (for meeting me and giving me my keys). i turned back and returned home.

im vindicated and it feels so good.

and the naming begins...

i just realized that this bike is my very first purchase that had something to do with transportation.

when i was young i thought bikes are just for rich kids. we were poor and bikes were considered a luxury.

yeeeeyyy... next time coche na!

must name the bike. must name the bike. what name?

aaahhhh this is like having a baby!

ok i made up my mind: RAIN.

i got it when it was raining really hard. this is the point in my my life where blessings and misfortunes just seem to rain down on me. and i somewhat love the rain on lazy days.

RAIN. i like!

i love love my company

i get to speak spanish all the time.

i get along well with my team mates. bosses are cool.

i dont work on saturdays. i have more annual leaves.

and now... tantananan... commission! yeah baby! woohoo! it's not much but it's good that i get that little extra. wooppeee!

i havent gotten it yet but i spent it already! i am now a proud owner of a venzo bike! woohoo! biking on weekends (without having to rent nasty bikes) here we go!

the hyde party

how can you hyde from a bar launch party? how can you hyde? get it? no?! oh dear, you're slow. boo! :p

maia got a real full time job now and it's the bomb! it's a members club lounge/bar and it was really a full house!

free booze. free canapes. how can you hyde? still not getting it? boo!

anyway, this is the first time that i partied really hard with the right crowd in a very long time. i danced the night away in hip hop and r&b songs! woot woot! i was so drunk i was dancing with a fat chinese guy and a crazy chinese teenage girl and a few more random strangers.. plus the pinoy gang! woot woot! love love! i couldn't remember the last time i danced like that. i became timid all of a sudden and i lost my groove. but last thursday was d-i-f-f-e-r-e-n-t!

and as a bonus, we were with cathy yang! she's now working in thomson hk. i didnt know her and i had to google her the next day. i was told that she was quite famous in the phils as a newscaster.

getting back in the scene.gradually. weeeee!!!!

promise last na to

it may not reach the recipient at all but it's good to let it all out now.

my dear b,

after all the shemexes, i cant affort to be mad at you. im not trying to gain sympathy or trying to be righteous... but as you can see im really blaming me. it's about my expectations, and about my hurrying to take it to another level. i know it's not healthy for me but i think i loved you that much to spare you the blame.

believe me... you're one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me. i never regret it. i would not say i'd do it all over again but im just glad it happened.

i would miss our camping adventures, our singing with your guitar, our good photography team up, the movies that we download, the pinoy food trips on weekends.. too bad ngayong nahuhumaling ako sa biking ngayon pa tayo naghiwalay.. sana kasama ka din sa biking sessions namin every saturday. i would love to hear about your new recording projects and i would like to tell you on what keeps me busy these days.

i am not being bitter about love or about our relationship for that matter. i am not even blaming destiny if there is such a thing. it just had to end. i will keep searching for my 'one' with hopes of it being the last. im not rushing as i really think it's the best time to love myself for a while. i have loved you too much that i still need to savor this overflowing feeling before transferring it to someone else. i hope you're enjoying your life and freedom. of all the people i should be the one to confirm that you deserve it. you've been tasked with adult responsibilities at a very young age so if you are having a good time now, then go for it.

this stage is not going to be easy to go through if it had not been for my friends in hk. it's not the lean on me cry on my shoulders type but they have accepted me with loving arms and kept me entertained with weekend activities even though i have technically abandoned them for a long time. it's really a door closing-window opening occurrence and if i were to look back ten years from now i would say i got by one of my biggest heartbreaks with help from my pinoy friends. no bs. no cheesy shemexes.

this no contact rule is getting easier to manage as the days go by. ill be better and i hope by next year we can be good friends again.



b.

im now having a bad fever

could this be related to the accident? my wounds look really yucky.

or to the all night partying?

i hope i get better tomorrow. or my mission is going to fail!

accident. then the pay-off

i fell off a bike today. i got two big bruises (elbow and knee) and damn they really hurt!!! i fell of a bike and slid a few inches on the street! fuuuuck!

to redeem myself from myself... i still went to the band sandwich's gig... guess what?!? i get to make beso with raymund marasigan!!! as in! hahahahaha! we were talking and when it's time to say goodbye he initiated with the beso! ha!

now time to heal the wounds. ano ba yan... healing heart na nga, sasamahan pa ng elbow and knee!