BS 27

i just watched a video taken by a friend when i was out last weekend and i was drunk as f*ck!!! it's so embarrassing!!! tsktsk... never drink with a broken heart. it could kill you! but come to think of it, it helps. it makes you forget. if not only for these bloody videos, you can make believe that it was still a fun night. damn, i can't get over it! it's so f*cking embarrassing i even thought of not seeing my friends over the weekend. aaaahhhhh!!!

by the way, that photo is from wulai, taiwan. it's one of the photos that i could easily access with alcoholic beverages in it to fit this post. aaaaahhhhh!

BS 26

i have lost my faith in romantic love. it's messy, it's complicated. i wouldn't want to go through the same cycle over and over again. apart from the sense of exclusively belonging to someone, there's not much that romantic love can give you that other things cannot if there is at all. longing for intimacy? fool around. longing for someone to hug? get a dog. or a long pillow.

i am for the other forms of love though. familiar love, platonic love, self love. these don't let you down. and you get all the fun without the constant headache of being with someone. what else could you ask for?

by the way, i took this photo during our taipei trip. this structure is located at the front of taipei 101 building.

BS 25

i was prepared to write the most depressing lengthy piece of writing that you'll ever read today. but then again, i feel like i've got no right to rant. small good things came my way today. i was busy with work i did not have time to think about the past. then during lunch time i bumped into a foto club guy and he paid for my food. i had my annual appraisal with my boss and he got good things to say about me. i may have missed a danced class but the yoga class definitely made up for it.

and then... i got my visa! so happy whatever occasion to me! see you in three weeks spain!




dear papa jesus, thank you because you really know how to turn things around when i was just about to give up. cheers! xoxo

BS 24

for the distant relatives who passed away.

for the past loves.

for the secrets better left buried.

BS 21-23

went hiking again yesterday and we went to a place where petra took me before.

the place is still breathtaking, and i had a better time because i went there with my closest friends.

a place such as this deserves three days of BS! it's my second favorite place in hk after tung ping chau. long ke beach i love you!

last night i found out...

that b's already got a chinese gf.

im not going to be a hypocrite, i say it was a slight stab. im not hoping it was me, but im hurt that he's got another one before i did. i told four or five closest friends last night when we were in a party and they all said one thing: that i should move on.

im not going to say bitter things or say empowered stuff when i know i might post depressing stuff a few days later.

i just have to say now that i've woken up from a hangover (i was so drunk last night i cant remember how i got home), that things are better off this way. everything is so much better when you're single. i may miss being intimate with someone but when i look back and compare it to the good time that i get with friends now, i'd say i would choose the present without having to think twice.

so there. i honestly could not care less now. i had to deal with it overnight, then it's all just a simple information that you find out about people from the past.

gotta think what activity to do next weekend!

when you lose something, you gain something

i dread one date next week. it's the date that b and i are supposed to be spending our third anniversary. i think it's the date that i dread the most after our break up. it's like: ok you missed to greet me on my birthday, then on christmas, then i just know that he wont do anything next week. i feel so sad just thinking about it. it's like nothing can ever pull me out of that sadness.

except one.

a trip to spain!!! im getting my visa on that same day.

hahahahaha! i've breathed spanish for the last 12 years and it's about time that i get there! i was supposed to go there four and a half years ago for a scholarship but i had to let it go because the hk job is waiting, and i didn't have any money to prepay my plane ticket.

and now... i will go there, all expenses paid, with two and half days free time by myself. now i go there with a kick ass camera, and some pocket money to buy myself one fine dinner. patience is definitely a virtue!

who's sad now?!

BS 20

that's shangrila mactan cebu. we only did a day tour (so we got to enjoy the facilities without paying the overly expensive accommodation rates). it's still a fortune because i had to pay for four adults but i was glad i did it. we acted like we're rich people sunbathing by the pool, using the billiard table and posh beach beds, and enjoying the buffet lunch. it's not the first time that i've had buffet lunches in 5 star hotels, but it is for my family. i think they really enjoyed the food and we were even seated next to a famous actress and my mom kept staring at her! i got my local chismosa genes from her.

BS 19

took this photo from my last photowalk with e. this is from the clark cemetery. some graves are quite old that i see some tombstones as early as 1920. these dead people were from WW1.

anyway, the owner of this tomb is lucky but he/she got a decent burial. but he/she remains unidentified. even after death, some people just get a bit lucky, but not quite.

BS 18

some ginger ale cocktail. worst drink eveeer!!! and to think that it was highly recommended by the pinay waitress. got this from an african bar where we hang out recently. the band members were trying to hit on us, but it didnt work. we did entertain them but we never answered their calls or texts thereafter. we were still hung up on our boys/men. plus, they are not our type.

BS 12-17

and it's about paradise ranch. it's my first christmas in the philippines ever since i started working in hk. but i was still a little broke by then so i took them to 'paradise ranch'. it's a project of an american NGO in clark and main attractions would be the 'rare animals' and their retreat houses.

i won't describe the things you could see there as there's plenty of info in the internet. what i'd tell you are the things that i did for the first time which i did in paradise ranch

1) fed a giant ostrich. the experience was more scary-funny. it's a huge animal and it's really desperate for food you could feel it plucking your palm literally even if you're using gloves! not doing it again.



2) saw a camel. camels are like snow to me. i just read it in books and i always wondered how it feels like to actually see one. it's a humble animal with humps on its back. nothing much special. it's the same delicate animal as i imagined it to be.



3) fed a flock of love birds. no matter how i love birds, i was still scared when i did this. imagine their tiny feet curling on every inch of your skin! and their beaks! aaahhhhh!


4)saw a real owl. yeah call me lame, it's really my first time.


5) went go-karting. it's not the super scary one but it got all the sheez. curved trail, plastic kart, and overpricing for the minute experience.


6) had a crush on a tour guide. you have to give it to the boy. he was really good. if you were to ask me, we were close to flirting. he's cute. he's young. he's very smart. but got a girlfriend. shame. that's his tattoo. he showed it to me because i volunteered to find the meaning for him, and now we're facebook friends, and that's where i see his girlfriend. damn.

:(

sorry i don't have any BS since yesterday.

im sad. i actually think im having depression once again.

even with all the plenty of people pestering me everyday, or with the friends i got... i still feel lonely. and empty. you know that feeling of emptiness... it's like you know that you miss something, but you dont know what makes you filled up.

it's the b thing. i dont know when i'd ever get over it. well maybe when something transpires between me and that friend... but it's very unlikely. anyway, up to now whenever i get out of the lift of my flat after work, i still feel that thug in my heart and the wish that i'd see him there, asking me to take him back. i would even look at the corridor just to check if maybe he was just hiding. everyday.

there were times when i entertain the idea that i made the wrong decision. the only thing that puts me back to my senses? the knowledge that i'd never see him outside my flat. i must be one of the shittiest persons in the world! im hoping for something i know will not ever happen.

whenever we go clubbing, i was telling my friend that i sometimes wonder why i dont see b. hk is such a small place that you'd surely meet an acquaintance one way or another. and then my friend goes: maybe he saw you first, then intentionally avoided you. my friends may be brutal, but they do tell the truth.

dear papa jesus, im not really asking for so much... but can you give me someone to fill that void. pwedeng magbigay ng preference? un na lang friend ko pls. utang na loob, un-gay him please! or at least let him not go the other way completely. pls tell him girls are nice. and i wont be a lunatic, promise.

BS 6 - 11

just before xmas eve i watched WALKING WITH DINOSAURS, a multi million dollar international show of BBC. it's basically a show about the evolution of dinosaurs. they take turns coming out of the stage once they get their mention from the narrator. it cost me a lot. i purchased the most expensive ticket, and the transportation to the venue is quite expensive (it's next to the airport)... however i did not like it. if you were to ask me if there's one show (well except for some crappy pinoy indie movie) that i regret, it would have to be this one. during the break i actually thought of just going home.. im sure i have the same sentiments with 80 percent of the audience... but we waited for the T-rex.

i dont know, maybe the fact that i was seated next to 6 year olds contributed mainly to my disappointment. or could be the absence of people getting crushed a la jurassic park. or the booooring narration. the 'paleontologist/actor' is cute but his narration seemed more like a museum field trip.

you could see the effort, but it just failed for me. the good part would be the nice latex structures that they did. if it did anything good, it would be to intimidate the audience of the huge size of dinosaurs. they are claimed to be life sizes... so don't you just feel thankful that they are all gone?

the venue is a large arena, so when i say they're huge... im actually using an understatment. here you go

syet...

taena, in love na ata ako sa isa kong friend. i just dreamt of him this morning that's why i woke up so late (as in 1.5hrs late), not in a sexual way but we were just kissing randomly while we're out and being so teenage kilig. i know it's just a dream and it could not mean anything... but when i woke up, i kinda smiled. oh no.......

BS tonight. sorry, i've been busy lately. long kwento coming up.

BS 6

it's my tatay's 51st bday today. i know i've said before but i would like to say again, i am a papa's girl and always will be.

i think i got my salesman, charming, smiling, drunkard genes from him. hihihi...i have yet to meet a person who can beat my papa's drinking abilities. he can finish 24 bottles of beer by himself in one night, and still go to work early next day. oh, i also got my adventurous and music lover thingo from him. i miss listening to queen's or ccr's music at 6 in the morning. he's the only person i know who can do videoke by himself and actually enjoy it.

when i was growing up we were always a team against my mom. my mom is a full time disciplinarian and we always got our dad to spoil us. whenever my sister and i get medals in school, i would not go up the stage if it weren't my dad going with me. my mom would go with my sister, but of course my father got up more. i remember the pride in his eyes every time but most especially when he went up with me during my college graduation. he never went to college and he literally slaved himself to put me to the top school in the country, and his 20 year effort had finally paid off. he may not have gone to college, but im sure he is fulfilled getting up that stage with me. it wasn't just i who graduated that day, so did he (and my mom).

now he's 51 and he's still looking good and fit. i know it's too freudian... but when i get married, i want someone like my father.

BS 5

the stand! the stand that almost claimed my life! on january 1st i went to the bar where i had the cut forehead accident and i felt like a victim looking at her offender for the first time. hahaha! but we're all good now. i think i will be going to the same bar quite often this year. i kinda have a crush on the bartender. hihihi... but im 80% sure he's gay. oh god, why do i always fall for gay men? boohoo!

BS 4

this is a the thing that keeps taipei 101 from crumbling. i dont know what it's exactly called but this giant ball sways to the opposite should the building is hit by an earthquake, to keep it balanced. it's amazing how one giant structure can rely so much on something that's only 0.5% of its size.

3 yrs!!!!

jusko, tatlong taon na dapat kame ni b this month. takte, three years ko na tinatago ung first message nya saken. pati na din ung unang i love you. pathetic much? hihihi...

binura ko na nga ngayon lang. medyo nanginginig pa nga ako e. nakailang palit din ako ng cellphone pero for some reason buhay pa din ung mga texts na un.

delete message? yes.

delete feelings? for the love of god, a million yes!

BS 1-3

I realize that I am more exciting when I have stories to tell… one photo at a time. And what a good way to start the year by posting one photo per day? I shall call it. BS. Could be Blsm’s Stories, Blms’s Successes, Blsm’s Struggles, or just plain Bullshit as I’ve got nothing better to do.

It’s January 3rd so I should post at least three photos. I feel good today so here you go. All of these happened in one day on my last trip to the Philippines.

Photo 1:
With Chico and Delamar. They are my most favorite radio tandem. Actually I do not listen to anyone else except them. Their top ten sessions are always hilarious even though the topic is too mundane. They are already in their late 30’s but they can still afford to act and discuss teenage stuff, and still get naughty along the way. I am thankful that my friend asnallar was able to take me there. Voila! Woohoo!


Photo 2:
With some of my friends at the UP oblation. It’s been a while since I went there and now we made sure we are equipped with the props to make it more believable. The girls are wearing UP shirts, and the guys are wearing UP ID lanyards. Hahaha! It was so fun walking around the acad oval once again. UP will always be the school which I associate myself with. It’s not the best when it comes to facilities, and I don’t think we got the best professors (well maybe we do, but they are just too lazy!)… I love it because it gives you the proper atmosphere to think beyond the box, to be resilient, to excel amidst the scant resources. I never liked the catholic education that I had to put up with for the first 10 years of my schooling life. But with UP, I knew right from the start that I certainly belong.



Photo 3:
Inside the milk tea shop of my friend A. You have to give it to this boy. I just know that despite his happy-go-lucky attitude, he’s a tycoon in the making. Now at 24, he’s put up his own business… and he didn’t even ask for the help of his parents to finance it. He would come to HK once in a while to visit me and it’s always nice to catch up with him. And to top it all of, we all got free milk tea. Woohoo!

planning my 2011 travels

my friends and i have been planning on doing this blasting EU trip. it's the 3 week trip that i've been planning on as far as i could remember.

not sure if it's pushing through as i have other destinations in mind, and i have always been a fan of solo travelling. the eu trip involves a lot of money and i am not sure if i have to do it this year... as some destinations are equally exciting:

- palau and swim the jelly fish lake
- cambodia and see the angkor wat
- chengdu and do nature tripping
- phuket and snoooorkel
- return to guilin and do the hot air balloon ride + bigger white water rafting thingo

aaahhhh, so many things to do so little money and annual leaves!