mga 1 oras din sya nandito. he's just supposed to grab his bag but i ended up asking him about downloading, then he transferred some files from my harddrive to his laptop.
nagkumustahan kame. kwento sya, kwento ako. syempre mas jolly ako magkwento, i am one of the most plastik persons afterall. pero un nga, awkward na for us. i dont know, lalo na for him. pigil na magkwento. maingat na sa mga sinasabi. and trust me, nothing happened. we did not have any body contact until we said goodbye.
nakakalungkot pala ung ganun no? alam mo ung feeling na gustong gusto mo makita ung tao, pero alam mong mas magandang wag na lang? kaya you go on with your life, silently fighting the memories... gradually easing the pain by all means. pero andun pa din ung feeling na... basta it's indescribable. this person will always be one of the people who would knock me off my feet. ung konting move nya lang, titiklop na ko. not the type that i'd spread my legs. but the moment when he greeted me nicely without any sign of rudeness, i took it as a sign that we may be ok again. then i became my usual me. jolly, machismis, makulit. it's like he's my strength and my weakness at the same time. ganun.
he's very careful all throughout. either he already got a new girl, or he's mature enough to stand by the break up. either way i was offended. give me a break, he was my everything a few months ago. i may have been out with friends a lot but im sure he has moved on much farther than i have and it pains me like hell. i mean, ako na nga ung di pinaglaban tapos ako pa din ung stuck sa past. you have no idea how it sucks to be in my shoes. and the sad part is no matter how hard i try to move on, i will always be the one who was not fought for and was naive enough to have waited for nothing.
before he left he said that i could text or email him when we bike around his area and maybe he'll join us. i suddenly changed my mood and took out all the courage to say "you know i won't". and we both know that that is what's going to happen. we are not ready to be friends. god knows how i wish that everything just becomes casual. but im not ready. not yet.
i accompanied him outside my gate and you could see that he's just dying to get out. but being the pathetic monger, i asked for a hug, which he gave. and i held on a little longer. i said that's the last time that i may see him which could be true. moving on is one task that takes me a very long time and maybe i need more time.
but shemexes aside, that's one good hug. i know it's the last thing i need but it's still the same hug that could comfort me any time.
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