so i got exactly four weeks til my birthday and im planning on doing something explosive! hahahahaha!
secret muna baka magahol sa preparations. hihihihi... ngayon pa lang natatawa na akong naeexcite. :)
Friday, July 30, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
you know what fucking hurts all this time?
it's realizing that i was not worth fighting for. after two and a half years. fuck.
Monday, July 26, 2010
ang nanay ko
kwento ng isang ex ko... sabi ng isang friend nya ang babae daw magiging kamukha ng nanay nya pagtanda nya. kaya dapat daw tignan maigi ang soon to be mother-in-law. kung di mo daw ma-take, medyo magdalawang isip ka na.. at ang hirit nya: "naisip ko tuloy nanay mo..." as if implying nagdadalawang isip nga sya..
hello! ang ganda kaya ng nanay ko! cincuenta na yan this year!
kaya siguro di kame nagkatuluyan. labo, niyayabang lang pic ng nanaj, nagbad mouth pa sa ex. hahahaha! bakit ba?! pero seriously, i would not mind if ganyan itsura ko pag cincuenta na ko.. damn it, she's even slimmer than me!!!
hello! ang ganda kaya ng nanay ko! cincuenta na yan this year!
kaya siguro di kame nagkatuluyan. labo, niyayabang lang pic ng nanaj, nagbad mouth pa sa ex. hahahaha! bakit ba?! pero seriously, i would not mind if ganyan itsura ko pag cincuenta na ko.. damn it, she's even slimmer than me!!!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
so i did
i did greet him. one simple "happy birthday. all the best".
it's depressing to be in this stage when a person who used to be your everything becomes one of the people whom you send generic messages. i used to text him out of the blue and told him how i missed him or how i remembered him that day. now im down to those two phrases.
he replied "thank you."
it's depressing to be in this stage when a person who used to be your everything becomes one of the people whom you send generic messages. i used to text him out of the blue and told him how i missed him or how i remembered him that day. now im down to those two phrases.
he replied "thank you."
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
i will not
greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.
i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.
i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.
i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.
i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.
i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.
to greet or not to greet? friends pa naman dapat kame ah.
i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.
i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.
i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.
i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.
i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.
to greet or not to greet? friends pa naman dapat kame ah.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
dear hk
happy fourth year anniversary! ikaw na.. ikaw na ang pinakamatagal sa lahat! three years na lang permanently committed na tayo. i love you.
to celebrate our years of togetherness, i promise na on the last stage na ko ng recovery kay b. i was happy with him but i think i am happier when im just thinking of myself. or i have finally accepted that it's really not meant to be. i was looking back and i realized ako pa at ako lang ang nagreresearch kung pano madissolve ung issue nya. i realized ako lang ang may gusto talaga nun. im not questioning if he really loved me.. pero un nga, ako lang ang nagpipilit na matuloy sa happily ever after.
so pahinga na lang muna ako sa mga relationships. i officially started having relationships 8 years ago. 1 yr dun kay j. 1.5yrs kay r. 2.5 kay b. tapos 3 yrs moving on from r and/or desperately trying to get to have a bf then finally found b.
you see, i spent the peak of my life depending on other people's love to be happy. i'll love myself this time and i know i can never go wrong. kung may dumating, go lang. but im not going to look desperately for it. seriously, even with all the cheesy shemexes that relationships can give to one person... parang isa pa din syang tinik na natanggal pag natapos. minsan masarap din ung wala kang ineeffort-an.
i'll try to avoid looking at the lonely side of it. i have always been an anti social so it's really not so hard.
by the way, i enrolled in a mandarin class sa ymca last night. i missed the first class pero habol na lang ako. it's 10 times more expensive kesa cantonese class ko dati pero ok pa din ang rates. pampalipas oras lang. my plan next quarter would be to learn swimming and wall climbing! yeeeey! dapat enrol na ko sa wall climbing pero nagclash sya sa schedule ng mandarin. syempre mandarin pinili ko. nerd nga di ba?!
waaahhh! dami ko pa gusto gawin. piano lesson, german, belly dancing, tennis... weeeeee!
to celebrate our years of togetherness, i promise na on the last stage na ko ng recovery kay b. i was happy with him but i think i am happier when im just thinking of myself. or i have finally accepted that it's really not meant to be. i was looking back and i realized ako pa at ako lang ang nagreresearch kung pano madissolve ung issue nya. i realized ako lang ang may gusto talaga nun. im not questioning if he really loved me.. pero un nga, ako lang ang nagpipilit na matuloy sa happily ever after.
so pahinga na lang muna ako sa mga relationships. i officially started having relationships 8 years ago. 1 yr dun kay j. 1.5yrs kay r. 2.5 kay b. tapos 3 yrs moving on from r and/or desperately trying to get to have a bf then finally found b.
you see, i spent the peak of my life depending on other people's love to be happy. i'll love myself this time and i know i can never go wrong. kung may dumating, go lang. but im not going to look desperately for it. seriously, even with all the cheesy shemexes that relationships can give to one person... parang isa pa din syang tinik na natanggal pag natapos. minsan masarap din ung wala kang ineeffort-an.
i'll try to avoid looking at the lonely side of it. i have always been an anti social so it's really not so hard.
by the way, i enrolled in a mandarin class sa ymca last night. i missed the first class pero habol na lang ako. it's 10 times more expensive kesa cantonese class ko dati pero ok pa din ang rates. pampalipas oras lang. my plan next quarter would be to learn swimming and wall climbing! yeeeey! dapat enrol na ko sa wall climbing pero nagclash sya sa schedule ng mandarin. syempre mandarin pinili ko. nerd nga di ba?!
waaahhh! dami ko pa gusto gawin. piano lesson, german, belly dancing, tennis... weeeeee!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
i found the right reference
m gave me a book and it's called THE NO CONTACT RULE. just the perfect book for me right now.. self help books were not really my thing. yes i read them but i never follow. but this time, im going to get all the help i can get.
im reading the introduction now and baaam! bullseye! it's like the book was written for me.
must.read.this.now.
im reading the introduction now and baaam! bullseye! it's like the book was written for me.
must.read.this.now.
Monday, July 12, 2010
ako na!
ako na ang pathetic. nakikinig ako buong araw sa 6 cycle mind kase (in my opinion) kamukha ni b ung vocalist nun. oo pathetic.
sabi ni m, makipagbalikan na lang daw ako kung di ko talaga kaya. kung feeling ko worthy sya. pero pag nangyari un, may nabago ba? ganun pa rin ung status nya. patuloy akong part ng isang kahangalan na wala namang pinupuntahan. un nga lang di ako masaya.
ayoko na mag-isip. shet.
sabi ni m, makipagbalikan na lang daw ako kung di ko talaga kaya. kung feeling ko worthy sya. pero pag nangyari un, may nabago ba? ganun pa rin ung status nya. patuloy akong part ng isang kahangalan na wala namang pinupuntahan. un nga lang di ako masaya.
ayoko na mag-isip. shet.
one month na kameng di nagkikita...
dear papa jesus,
pwede bang gawin mo na lang akong manhid?
kase ang hirap na e. kase sobrang sakit.
pinapasulat pa ko ng write up sa wedding ni a... how do you expect me to write about love and happy endings at this stage?
i try to see as much friends pero pag-uwi ko i still feel empty.. para akong naka-drugs na super saya pag naka-high. masaya. it's nice to catch up with friends. pero pag-uwi nawawala na ung effect, ganun naman ka-low ung feeling. as in extreme high and extreme low.
kailangan ko ng hug...
pwede bang gawin mo na lang akong manhid?
kase ang hirap na e. kase sobrang sakit.
pinapasulat pa ko ng write up sa wedding ni a... how do you expect me to write about love and happy endings at this stage?
i try to see as much friends pero pag-uwi ko i still feel empty.. para akong naka-drugs na super saya pag naka-high. masaya. it's nice to catch up with friends. pero pag-uwi nawawala na ung effect, ganun naman ka-low ung feeling. as in extreme high and extreme low.
kailangan ko ng hug...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
may kilig moment ako today....
hihihi... ayoko ikwento... baka majinx!
dear lord, kung ito ang way mo para makalimutan ko si b, pls pls dalas dalasan mo pa... mukhang wala namang patutunguhan un pero ok syang pampalipas ng oras. at saka masarap kiligin.
sa lahat ba naman ng pahirap ko these past few weeks, deserve ko naman ang konting kilig na to :)
more! more!
dear lord, kung ito ang way mo para makalimutan ko si b, pls pls dalas dalasan mo pa... mukhang wala namang patutunguhan un pero ok syang pampalipas ng oras. at saka masarap kiligin.
sa lahat ba naman ng pahirap ko these past few weeks, deserve ko naman ang konting kilig na to :)
more! more!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
getting there...
Sabi sa one more chance… kailangan mo ng 3 months para magmourn.
Grabe ito na ang magiging pinakamahabang 3 months ng buhay ko. Di ako ganun katapang. I also get defeated by loneliness, by memories.
Bigla kong nakita ung pics namin sa luma kong phone. We were so happy back then. Kahit wala kaming pera, masaya kaming nagluluto sa bahay. Masaya kaming nanonood ng downloaded movies habang magkayakap sa maliit kong kama.
But you know what… imbes na isipin ko kung ano ung nawala, iisipin ko na lang na swerte ko na lang na kahit pa’no naging masaya din ako ng mahigit dalawang taon. Mahabang panahon din un. Some people would kill to be happy for a few days. I should just be thankful that though it was be rough at times, it was blissful for quite a long period.
Let me just grieve over it. I’ll be ok soon.
Grabe ito na ang magiging pinakamahabang 3 months ng buhay ko. Di ako ganun katapang. I also get defeated by loneliness, by memories.
Bigla kong nakita ung pics namin sa luma kong phone. We were so happy back then. Kahit wala kaming pera, masaya kaming nagluluto sa bahay. Masaya kaming nanonood ng downloaded movies habang magkayakap sa maliit kong kama.
But you know what… imbes na isipin ko kung ano ung nawala, iisipin ko na lang na swerte ko na lang na kahit pa’no naging masaya din ako ng mahigit dalawang taon. Mahabang panahon din un. Some people would kill to be happy for a few days. I should just be thankful that though it was be rough at times, it was blissful for quite a long period.
Let me just grieve over it. I’ll be ok soon.
Friday, July 2, 2010
this is going to be my year of 'plans...finally!'
I've got so many things I've planned for years and this is my year of finally fulfilling them
- finding a new job.. After years of ranting about selling plates... Finally I'm out
- going to singapore. This trip is more than 5 yrs overdue. I've been planning on going there eversince I graduated and I finally did it!
- going solo backpack traveling. I did all the sheez.... Sleeping in trains, living in a hostel... And it's fun.. I am so used to going for what I wabt that's why my motto now would be: it's better to go there alone than not go at all because you don't have company. Yes it's lonely to eat alone and it's more costly because you pay the whole amenities that are good for a whole bunch of people... But I realize how long I take photos and the motobike rides.... I wouldn't be able to do those if I got comapny... Going solo is not bad at all.
- cut my hair short. This is the shortest it had been for the last 13 yrs! I look like a deranged lesbo but I never felt this free for a long time!! Long hair is just a big inconvenience!!
- going to yangshuo. I've planned on going here eversince I got to hk... After 4 yrs!
- back to the quest of finding realistic true love. Well it hasn't sank in completely as I'm still in the border of moving on... But I'll get there soon!
Now the thing that's left in my list? Getting a tattoo! I'll do it before my birthday. I am torn between 'pinay' or barcode lines with 'valiente'.... It's 40-60...
- finding a new job.. After years of ranting about selling plates... Finally I'm out
- going to singapore. This trip is more than 5 yrs overdue. I've been planning on going there eversince I graduated and I finally did it!
- going solo backpack traveling. I did all the sheez.... Sleeping in trains, living in a hostel... And it's fun.. I am so used to going for what I wabt that's why my motto now would be: it's better to go there alone than not go at all because you don't have company. Yes it's lonely to eat alone and it's more costly because you pay the whole amenities that are good for a whole bunch of people... But I realize how long I take photos and the motobike rides.... I wouldn't be able to do those if I got comapny... Going solo is not bad at all.
- cut my hair short. This is the shortest it had been for the last 13 yrs! I look like a deranged lesbo but I never felt this free for a long time!! Long hair is just a big inconvenience!!
- going to yangshuo. I've planned on going here eversince I got to hk... After 4 yrs!
- back to the quest of finding realistic true love. Well it hasn't sank in completely as I'm still in the border of moving on... But I'll get there soon!
Now the thing that's left in my list? Getting a tattoo! I'll do it before my birthday. I am torn between 'pinay' or barcode lines with 'valiente'.... It's 40-60...
Thursday, July 1, 2010
hello from yangshuo
Kung ang smoke quitters may relapse period, ako meron kay b. Exagg... Bawat na lang gawin ko parating may connection sa kanya! Kumakain ako ng noodles, naaalala ko ung cheap thrills namen sa eat together. Bawat kanta sa ipod ko, kung hindi nya kinanta or tinugtog sa gitara, maiisip ko na tinutugtog sa computer nya pag pinupuntahan ko sya. Lahat na lang! Pano ba makalimot? Kung ako lang tatanungin ko sya pa'no nya ko nakalimutan. Ito na ang pinakamatagal na period na di kame nagkikita at talagang ineemote ko ngayon.
Dear papa jesus, malapit na birthday ko.. Tutal naman di ako nanghingi ng wish last year.. Pwede bang bigyan m0 ng work si emmy and bena (one wish lang count nyan) and ung second, ung makalimutan si b. Kase kahit ako naririndi na sa kakaisip sa kanya. Promise I will be good. I won't be too bitchy until the year ends. Pretty pls?
Dear papa jesus, malapit na birthday ko.. Tutal naman di ako nanghingi ng wish last year.. Pwede bang bigyan m0 ng work si emmy and bena (one wish lang count nyan) and ung second, ung makalimutan si b. Kase kahit ako naririndi na sa kakaisip sa kanya. Promise I will be good. I won't be too bitchy until the year ends. Pretty pls?