it's over

so we've finally broken up. this time it's for real. this time it's final.

we dont talk. we rarely text. i removed his pictures from my bed. i un-friended him in facebook.

but he's still here in my heart. i still think about him every minute. i still love him.

i cry. oh you have no f*cking idea how i cry every night. i know it's cursed right from the start and it should be a relief to finally end it. you know it's not meant to last. seriously, do you ever think it will be us in the end? well i kinda hoped that that would be the case but i guess it is just not meant to be.

i was actually the one who called it off at first. i saw a wedding video and i felt sorry for myself that i am even prohibited from thinking about that. here i am with the love of my life but no dreams of going farther. blame me for watching too much romantic comedies but i am expecting a scene where the boy begs for forgiveness for making her not deserving of a nice wedding. then tells the girl that he cannot live without her. then promises to settle all legal issues and all will be well by the following year. it didnt happen. the next line that he uttered would be: can we still be friends? then he agreed to the break up without having second thoughts.

it is more of a bruised ego. if you've given up everything and the person could not even fight for you, would it not shatter your world? i know love is supposed to be unconditional but what the heck, his family does not even know my existence. he cannot even tell his friends whenever we bump into them that i am his girl, not even to his ugly ex gf's.

but in all fairness to him, he has been a very good bf in more ways than none. not the ideal but he got that rockstar-man of the house- outdoorsy persona that you'd admire him.

how many heartbreaks can a person take in a lifetime? maybe my mother got it right the first time (she married her first boyfriend) and all the bad luck of failed relationships all went down to her children. life is never fair.

now im back to square 1.. i am seriously getting tired of this game. how many more people shall i share my childhood, quirks, pet peeves and dreams? how many more people shall i surprise with what-nots? how many people shall i introduce to my family? how many more people to love then forget?