silver

It was my parents’ silver wedding anniversary yesterday. I don’t see them getting romantic in any way but it’s still a big puzzle how they hit it off. Opposites attract. Maybe that’s how you describe it. My mother has this super strong personality and my father is a very gentle man. Imagine, twenty five years! My past relationships didn’t even last two years. Multiply my experience by fifteen and still counting! We witnessed how they struggled to keep the marriage together. From polygamy to constant nagging to being broke to drunk nights to sickness to problematic daughters, they went through it all! And they are still together struggling with some more. But hell yes, they are still united. More united than ever. Hope they can last twenty five years more!

That's what love can do. Haha, love na naman! I'm superbly cheesy these days. But darn, I wish I can stay this way. Ang gaan ng feeling. Ang sarap ng nakangiti lang just thinking of how somebody makes you happy. Pucha, tama na ang kakesohan. Harhar!

ultimately cheesy

it was the most mundane moment. i asked him to pop in the microwave the left over pork brisket from my last dinner meeting. we were hungry. nothing sexual. a few seconds later i found myself looking in his eyes, it's like seeing them for the first time. we've been hanging out as pure buddies for quite a while but it's the first time that it dawned on me and i admitted that i have really fallen deep. i am one impulsive person and i believe that falling for someone doesn't involve a very long time of getting to know each other. it's like shopping. i don't have to scour the entire mall getting something when a particular item 'calls' for me. i just know that it's what i am looking for.

i haven't felt so light in such a long time. i've never been happier in my entire stay in hk. it feels so good i wouldn't want it to end. it feels so right i just want to keep it to myself. it's that sacred.

yes, im in love. this time it's not imagined. not one way. not just a winter fling. screw being afraid of getting hurt. maybe he won't afterall.

this should be fun!

To get the answers...

...leave a comment and I'll respond. I got this from http://myalchemy.blogdrive.com/

So leave me a comment, and...

1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

...

im joining the headcount.

im not gay afterall. haha!

i lurve this movie

my favourite pinoy movie of all time. dahil mahal na mahal kita!

second ang got to believe!

salamat sa youtube! grabe kinikilig pa din ako! sampung beses ko na napanood to pero kilig pa din!

rico - claudine love team! yeba!

rico, i'll see you in heaven. wait for me with heath, alright? hehe.

astig text

i got the coolest text message from my bff:

heart to heart talks
hands together
leaning on shoulders
tight hugs
goodbye kisses
half meant jokes
sweet compliments
mixed signals
uncertain feelings
unsaid emotions

tapos...

FRIENDS LANG!?!

pu****a!!!


>>haha, cool! cool!

magkano ako?

haha! sige na, bili na.

let's talk about, you know

2200 one Friday night
B: Hey, kami na! Though hindi official. Malabo dahil saken.
H: E di buhay ang sex life mo!
B: Oh.

0200 the following night
B: So at what age did you start having sex?
M: 14.
B: What? I was still playing patintero with the neighbors’ kids at that age!

0100 the night after that
B: Hey, what’s up? He came over over this weekend. Nothing happened.
E: Oh really? By the way, I got laid two days ago.
B: What? I’m the one getting confused here and you’ve got nobody but you’re getting laid? With whom?
E: I cannot remember the name. It starts with letter B. Must be Brian or something.

1700 the following day
N: Hey, I’ve got something to tell you.
B: What?
N: We did ‘it’ na. Yesterday.
B: Fuck!
N: It hurt a little pero bearable naman.
B: Syet ako na lang ang natitira sa mundo.


The past three days have been all about sex. But it’s just not getting to me. Well I don’t have the drive! It could happen in case I agreed to. Sure I’m touchy and there are people who I can easily do it with, but I back out the last minute.

Or maybe…maybe I’m impotent?

Nooo!!!

eto na naman...

im starting to think like a guy.

i like romance but i don't want compromises.
i want company but i don't want commitment.

fuck, kawawa sya sa kin.

syet, this is what more than 3 years of singlehood can do.

i want...

leukemia! haha!

ang ganda ganda ng "a walk to remember"!

shane west's character is so H-O-T!

don't you just love spending one sunday afternoon cuddled up in your warm room watching cheesy romantic movies? haaayyy, don't you just love 'love'?

time for 'the notebook'.

oh well...

Ok, I have a confession to make. I swear to my blog’s name that I don’t want anything to come out of this. I don’t even know if the person concerned reads my site (I hope he doesn’t anymore) or I want him to do something about it. My number one 2008 resolution is to admit what I needed to admit. And this would have to be the first thing that I want to let out because I’ve been keeping it for more than a year now. I want redemption! Haha! Besides, I don’t want to experience Julia Roberts’ situation in My Bestfriend’s Wedding when she didn’t tell her long-time love what she feels and the moment just passed them by, except that in my case I don’t expect anything to flourish.

I was in-love with my first male bestfriend. I first met him the second of December on the last year of the dog. It was really a magical moment, I must tell you. I never met somebody who shares the same thoughts, kajologan, and interests like him. We could literally finish each other’s sentences. We were so comfortable with each other that we talked about things you wouldn’t want to talk about, i.e., salary, how we despise some of our relatives, or the good things that we achieved without making it look like we’re bragging. He slept over at my place when he was locked out of his apartment and it didn’t bother me at all. I asked him to move the tv that I bought from my neighbor to my crib when I was in South Africa and I knew he was ok to do it. We can drink from the same beer bottle and we could ignore the stare of the people who gave the questioning look. He was also my first kiss in HK. There’s nothing romantic about it because it was just brought out by a dare but I think I’m still thankful that it was done with him and not just some of ‘em flings.

I thought the feeling was mutual because I swear I knew there was really something going on between us – to my definition at least. It’s like going back to high school all over again. You have no idea how many times I tried dressing up whenever we have scheduled dates (only to be ditched last minute). You have no idea how hard it is to say that the “date” didn’t really mean anything when you had been imagining it for at least a week. And then I found out that he got a girlfriend. A big stab to the heart would be an understatement. Fine I’ll say it: I’m here, why does he have to settle for a long distance relationship? Simple answer: He didn’t like me. Good thing I became busy with work that nursing a broken heart came in easy. Besides, he’s really happy whenever I see him. He never fails to flash that look that says I-am-really-contented-with who-I-am-with-that-I-can’t-wait-for-my-next-homecoming. I doubt if I can make him get that look if we become together. His gf is one lucky woman.

We both got busy with our respective personal and professional affairs. We don’t see as much. We don’t talk as much. We must be strangers to each other by now.

But hell yeah, I did love him. But that’s it. And no, I wouldn’t barge into their wedding day (if they decide to tie the knot) and tell him that I did.

NB: I’ve got another thing developing now, another best bud. Hehe, it’s the connection! But I’m taking it slow. Too much wounds to lick right now that I really want to be spotless before I get back into the game.

hmmm...

a: have i ever told you i like you?
b: yeah i think you have.
a: i'll say it anyway.
b: ok.
a: i like you for four reasons: one, you're really fun. two, i like the idea that you're into photography. three, you're very smart. four, you're very lovely.

naman, naman..

mystery of love resolved

got love problems? a friend's daughter finally cracked the mystery that is love. i swear she really said this, with twinkling eyes:

"mommy, i have three boyfriends. one's thomas, then there's james. and then rafael. i really like thomas, but when he's not around i go for james. and if both of them are not around i go for rafael. i love all of them mommy. i love 'love'. see, i used 'love' twice in a sentence."

she's five. adults complicate things so much. kids know better. haha! spread sofie's word!

fuck i hate this day

i never felt so ashamed of myself until today.

my career is going nowhere. i've never been so bullied accordingly in a professional manner until today. i have been burned out lots of times but this will be the first time that i am burned out and actually give up for real.

fuck. i want to cry. i want to shout. i want to just disappear and start anew. feels like my 2 year habit is coming too soon.

shet ayoko na talaga.

how to get trampled upon

have i said that i so suck at confrontations? give me a moment to assess my feelings and i'll give you a more decent answer. i rattle immediately. i utter senseless statements when you look at me in the eye and demand an answer right away. my heart and my mind are so far apart that they do not coordinate if not given any notice.

anyway, i was asked by the jerk if i like him or not because he really seemed to like me. what have i replied? incoherent statements! if we were in court, i'd be getting a lifetime before my third sentence. he was so pissed off at my illogical train of thought that we warned each other countless of times to stop seeing for good.

but maybe one of us liked each other that much that i wasn't allowed to leave until we mutually agreed that i'd go home. nothing much was solved but we never burned bridges.

while i was walking home, i realized that this will be the first time that i feel actual self-disappointment. i haven't been honest even to myself. and the worst part? i don't think i will be anytime soon.

i think im going to hate 2008.

"blossom"

another online quiz. hehe... it's nice to hear nice things like these, albeit questionable.

What Blossom Means

You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous. You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things. Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

are you a high maintenance woman?

enough of the shemexes about the shits that i deal with for the meantime. i took an online quiz, and this is the result:

You Are Low Maintenance

Otherwise known as "too good to be true" You're one laid back chica - and men love that! Just remember that no good guy likes a doormat. So if you find your self going along to get along... Stop yourself and put up a little bit of a fight.

Are You A High Maintenance Woman?

hmmm...put up a fight daw. haha!

shet.

i am in big trouble. confused. dazed.

i have no excuse for such an unforgiveable behavior.

i now have the guy whom i waited for half a year. he could still move me to pieces. intellectual stimulation - that's how you call it. he is still the same prick that i know... the same prick that i always liked. i couldn't say no to him. he has this power over me that allows him to toy me anytime and i let him get away with it.

then comes this guy whom i couldn't avoid falling for. but im afraid of getting hurt again, of falling so deep that i couldn't stand up after voluntarily digging my own pile of shit. i know my friends will say that loving is all about taking risks and keeping on trying until you find the "one". but hell, maybe i am not a risk taker afterall.

and now i convince myself to settle for the jerk. to settle for something short lived and just shrug it off the shoulders when it ends. i can't handle another actual major heartbreak.

but why do i feel so bad now?

maybe im not confused nor dazed. maybe im simply weak. and a shitty coward.