i miss

spooning.

statements such as 'you're beautiful' after dressing up.

being asked how my day went.

being stared and pinched on the chin.

being loved.


i know my previous posts have been empowering. but i admit that i back down sometimes. especially tonight. i dont know... friday has been my lowest day of the week.

it's not really him that i miss. i miss being loved. when i had my heartbreaks before i got a full friend and family support. i would cry for weeks. i had e to literally slap me to wake up from all my stupidity.

but it's different here. i got friends, sweet and caring. but they're not the type that i would cry on their shoulders. would you believe that when we broke up i had to call someone long distance so i could cry?

it's a dog eat dog world here and crying is always a sign of weakness. i am a jolly person when i go out, pretending that getting my heart broken is the best thing i did in weeks. but up to now i still wish that even if he didnt have keys, i would still catch him outside my lift saying something apologetic. we dont have to be reunited but i want him to wish me happiness and say that he did love me.

oh god, if there's just a button that can make you feel numb, i'd have that all over my body. i seriously need a sincere hug right now. i dont have to bad mouth him. i dont have to pretend that im doing fine. in fact i dont have to say anything. i just need a sincere hug. i dont have to hear anything from that person. i dont need assurance that things will be fine. i just need a hug. and preferably with a big box of tissue.