promise last na to

it may not reach the recipient at all but it's good to let it all out now.

my dear b,

after all the shemexes, i cant affort to be mad at you. im not trying to gain sympathy or trying to be righteous... but as you can see im really blaming me. it's about my expectations, and about my hurrying to take it to another level. i know it's not healthy for me but i think i loved you that much to spare you the blame.

believe me... you're one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me. i never regret it. i would not say i'd do it all over again but im just glad it happened.

i would miss our camping adventures, our singing with your guitar, our good photography team up, the movies that we download, the pinoy food trips on weekends.. too bad ngayong nahuhumaling ako sa biking ngayon pa tayo naghiwalay.. sana kasama ka din sa biking sessions namin every saturday. i would love to hear about your new recording projects and i would like to tell you on what keeps me busy these days.

i am not being bitter about love or about our relationship for that matter. i am not even blaming destiny if there is such a thing. it just had to end. i will keep searching for my 'one' with hopes of it being the last. im not rushing as i really think it's the best time to love myself for a while. i have loved you too much that i still need to savor this overflowing feeling before transferring it to someone else. i hope you're enjoying your life and freedom. of all the people i should be the one to confirm that you deserve it. you've been tasked with adult responsibilities at a very young age so if you are having a good time now, then go for it.

this stage is not going to be easy to go through if it had not been for my friends in hk. it's not the lean on me cry on my shoulders type but they have accepted me with loving arms and kept me entertained with weekend activities even though i have technically abandoned them for a long time. it's really a door closing-window opening occurrence and if i were to look back ten years from now i would say i got by one of my biggest heartbreaks with help from my pinoy friends. no bs. no cheesy shemexes.

this no contact rule is getting easier to manage as the days go by. ill be better and i hope by next year we can be good friends again.



b.