what's the sound of a heart breaking?

devastated would be an understatement to describe what i feel right now.

who would have thought that my life would turn around three hundred sixty degrees in less than a week's time?

on monday i felt like spending the rest of my life with one person whom i didn't know for a long time but felt like he is indeed 'the one'. you could feel it, right?

on tuesday, i thought i was spotting giving me some fears that i was preggers.

on wednesday he moved in to my place.

by thursday i thought that we were invincible. we may be uncertain of the future. we're both contract workers in a foreign land and who knows what will come after our contracts expire? but we are one hundred percent sure that we got each other. and that's what matters.

then friday, i got the most unexpected call. it was from his sister. i was informed that he's legally married and has a more than a year old daughter, whose name is the same as my nickname! shit. how can that happen? he's too young! i've been fooled all along. i always thought that i would lead a simple life. i'd work my ass off, meet a boyfriend, get married, have children, grow old and die. no complications. this is so much more than a telenovela! i never pictured a life with traumatic situations. one person can only take so much! i am not a bad person. i didn't do anything wrong to get all these bloody karmas.

why me? do i have a mark on my forehead that says "jerks welcome"? no, make that "married jerks welcome". no, scrap that again. make that "married lying jerks welcome".

he said that it's a 'pikot' case. they still do shotgun marriages these days? bloody hell. the family of the girl happened to be influential and it would be a disgrace to their clan if she becomes an unwed mother. so my (ex)bf married her before coming to hk. how convenient?! they don't love each other, according to what i was told. but b sends money for the baby every month.

it was raining im sorry's last night and they didn't lessen the pain. not a single bit. im not sure if i could accept an mutually separated guy if you ask me now. one thing's for certain though: lying to the person you love is just plain unforgiveable. i would never do that. or did he love me to begin with?

but the heck, im a masochist. he sleeps in the other room. he's got nowhere to go. have i said that im a masochist?

deja vu? lying? cheating? living with ex's? im back to 2004!

i've been saving my 200th post...

i am keeping a very good event for my 200th post. it's a celebration reaching that number in a year and a half's time. some people tend to get lazy updating their blog, but this has been what's keeping me in my entire stay in hk.

so here it goes. note to self: be careful what you wish for. if you ask for an almost life-changing event, that is certainly what you're going to get.

my world shattered today. i thought no one would beat the experience of getting cheated by your college bestfriend while still living with your significant other. i mean, what worse could happen than that? i thought i could manage all heartbreaks because i've been through the worst of hell and it took me more than three years of loneliness plus a work abroad to get over it.

until today. what about believing all lies by the person whom you thought is your world?

my hands are shaking now. my eyes are filled with tears.

god, haven't i had enough?

my first love letter to b? hehe...

i never believed in soulmates, unrequited love, forever. but if there is indeed 'the one' for everybody, i'd be happy to say that you're that person for me. i never thought that my ideals for a boyfriend no matter how silly they are, would be personified without any shortchanges. i hoped for a naturally beard-less and leghair-less principled guy who will love me like crazy. and poof! then you came right underneath the traffic light in central on the sixth of october in the last year of the pig. you love me more than i could ever hope for. it's one crazy love that is free. and sincere.

it's always an adventure with you around. we like doing great things together. but i know this relationship will not always be like a smooth walk in the park. there'd be lots of adversities along the way. but hell, im ready to face them with you. let's just hang in there, alright? we'll be fine.

this is the day!

oh ye....

it's maroon five day!

yeba! yipee! weekkeee!!!



all the way from my canton trip, i went straight to asia world arena with my trolley bag (who goes to a concert with a luggage bag?) to watch the greatest band of all time (next to beatles)! the excitement is beyond control! i couldn't pee, my fingers were numbing. i couldn't talk sensibly! it's 'that' beyond control!

it's a full house as any full house could get! ang kukulit ng mga tao! panay ang pag - 'more'! mga intsik talaga, lahat dapat sulit!




presenting my future gigolo, adam levine! yey! sex-y!




and since i am too happy about this night that im extra generous, feast on the videos!!! feast on!!! feast on!!!









i wish i was dancing with b when they sang she will be loved.

24 turning 25

im in the middle of a quarter life crisis.

apart from b, there isn't anything in my life i am sure of anymore. i am in the middle of a personal crisis where a destination is nothing but a series of endless maze. what do i really want to become? what do i really want to achieve? how do i see myself three years from now? that'll be the age when i promised myself that i would have settled - a hefty bank account, a happy married life, a good paying job. i am nearing that age and i don't think i have done something to actually get there. i don't think i have even started. i am in a work that i don't like. i hate it. i hate the people. i hate the pressure. i hate the boredom. it's all hate, hate, hate. i don't even know what i like or love to do. i know i want to take photos, and charity works, too. but what can i do? these are the things that aren't really considered jobs that put food on the table. how can i get a bloody job here if i don't speak chinese or if i need somebody to sponsor my visa?

freaking questions. they drain me everyday. can i just return to pinas? shall i transfer to another country? i was trying to look for some job openings and i realized that there isn't anything that i am good at. i don't even have the guts to apply for a spanish teacher position. if there's one thing that i am quite sure of, it would have to be the fact that i am bad in spanish - the only thing that i am expected to do. and i can't even claim to be extra fluent in english. i stutter! i hate it!!! i only have my sales experience to brag about but that i would really want to bury. there's just something about trading that pricks my little principles.

in a few days my boss is going to ask me to take care of the renewal of my visa. what will i tell her? shall i say that i am staying since i need them to stay in hong kong?

or shall i leave but without a company getting my back? shit. shit.

hk flower show

guys, this will be the first time that i really think i can make a living out of photography. these will be my nicest shots to date. papa jesus, sige na. make me a features writer cum photojournalist cum librarian!!! i promise ill be good.

photos taken during the hk flower show 2008. session done with b. i got a worsening flu during this day, but that didn't stop me from taking photos, though i got too wasted two hours later.

pre-nup shoot

this is taking it to another level. how about a prenup shoot? exagg! remember when you go to extravagant weddings and they let you sign a guestbook filled with nice photos? those are the prenup shots! you can never go wrong here. everything should be in absolute perfection. couples pay hefty amount for this. you keep them for a lifetime. so you better get the best.

being the only active princess in the kingdom of pinoy photographers' club, i was tasked by the gorgeous kings to girl-handle everything. damn these photographers, they only know how to shoot. they couldn't be bothered on the costumes, make up, retouching. that's why they were too happy that i still made it even if i got flu. durg durg.

models are arlyn and sandred. trivia: these kids used to be together. they went on their separate ways but they seem friends and civil with each other. and yeah, they're teenagers.


the bride


the groom



holding on tight


looking through each other's eyes


there should always be a distance


garden wedding


cute couple, eh


these were the shots when i borrowed dave's trigger. see that yellow light? i owe it to the trigger! gotta buy one. now.





oh, i forgot to mention the venue: HK park. thus this little birdie. i got drained afterwards. i couldn't go to the UPAA mixer anymore. sad.

night shoot

another night shoot with b. nothing much to say here. it's another session in the middle of central. there were more kisses than shutter clicking. feast on...

i caught the virus!

im joining the headcount of the people who caught influenza in hk.

please papa jesus, if you got some mercy, please spare me! i got a major shoot tomorrow. then i will be a speaker for enrich on sunday. on monday i have a client meeting. tuesday i need to go to china. and wednesday is maroon five's concert!

bright side of everything: the cough syrup is damn addicting! i love the taste! it's better than an orange concentrate. it's the vitamin c without souring of the face!

cough syrup overdose!

second day of photoshop experimentation

coloured or b&w? why not both? aaahhh, the beauty of photoshop...

took me two freaking hours to do. this is a pure test of concentration.

still a looot to learn.

oh well, i'll take each lesson one day at a time.

geek attack

i haven't been reading much ever since i got accustomed to bars, partying, dvd-ing, bf-ing, etc. etc. i used to finish one book per week but now the average would be six weeks each. what's happening to me???

here are the books that i read when 2008 started.

- jodi picoult's 'plain truth'. i have always loved picoult's works. raw emotion at its best. and you could really feel yourself emphatizing with all characters. there are always opposing sides, but there can't seem to be any villain. they're all helpless individuals who got into sticky situations. plus courthouse drama rocks! i remember wanting to become a lawyer when i was nine years old. it's the battle rink for elocution, bluffing, and un-blinking. plain truth is about abortion, restlessness (or shall i call stupidity) of youth, and family.

- isabel allende's 'daughter of fortune'. i just read it just so i could say that i have read an allende. what's the use of being a spanish major when i don't even read latin american literature? i didn't like it so much. maybe it's not just my thing - the type of read that goes into circles trying to establish the characters -- only to end abruptly.

- haruki murakami's 'south of the border, west of the sun'. the eighth book i read from this author. it's about midlife crisis. i followed the life of the protagonist who seemed to be at the emptiness stage in his life when he had everything. he thinks there's always this void that needs to be filled up. he eventually gave up everything only to realize that it's not really the wisest thing to do.

- jodi picoult's 'nineteen minutes'. about revenge in the form of high school shooting. i finished this book last sunday at the top of ifc while sunbathing. sigh. nice read. another job well done from picoult. made me remember the kids who used to bully me when i was little. where could they be now?

next target: photoshop manual! dave's going to kill me if he finds out that it's been three months and i haven't opened the manual that he lent me. durg. durg.

my first photoshop experiment

after finishing two picoults, an allende and a murakami, plus lots of social gatherings and cuddling with b, i can finally explore photoshop. this is my very first attempt. laru-laro lang...

first is the raw version, whereas the second is the supposedly refined version of the former

hiking - ma on shan

Another hiking trip! At di na talaga ako nadala kina petra! When they say it’s an easy hike, expect the worst. When they say a certain number of hours, double that and then add another hour. Ganun sila ka-hardcore hikers! Matindi kung matindi. It’d be the first time that I’d hike on a winter. Nevertheless, it would have to be my best hike to date. I didn’t have to sweat that much. It was quite sunny but the heat wasn’t scorching. And ultimately, it was the rockiest mountain range I had hiked ever. Dun ko talaga naramdaman na konting maling galaw ko, or konting paglalamya ng tuhod ko, dedo na ko! ‘Dedo’ talaga ang term e! Haha! Tabloid na tabloid ang dating!

Eto ung mga moments na dinadaga talaga ang dibdib ko. But you know what? It feels so good – having to conquer your fear of heights, traversing through that seemingly endless mountains convincing yourself that it’d just be another half an hour and it’d would be all over, suffering from hunger, getting bruises, or twisting your ankles by tripping countless of times. It makes you feel so alive. It makes you feel that you treasure your life no matter how shitty or hopeless it gets. That you want to take care of yourself just because. That you crave for another slippery trail. Or you can really get up each time you fall. I know it’s too much of a cliché but for every trip, every wound, it only makes you stronger and firmer. You’ll want to prove to yourself that you’re that strong person, and that at the end of the day you draw your own fate. You can choose to go on or just rot there because no one’s coming to help you. There’s really not much of a choice, so off you go. You don’t look back and you simply look forward to the difficult yet enjoyable journey ahead. And when you reach your destination, you’ll realize that you’re this one amazing person having completed the seemingly impossible feat - which you already know even before you started.

And it also helped that I brought my ipod. Hehe..

So here are my pics…

this is the KCR (kowloon-cantoon rail) train. it's surprising how it gets so empty at ten in the morning on a sunday.



so this will be our trail. from ma on shan country park to sai kung beach club. it may look easy but the hike took us six hours.


the 'm-o-u-n-t-a-i-n-s'


overlooking sai kung peninsula


this is how the trees get gloomy during winter


then we're off to the beach! parang gusto ko subukan mag windsurf... hmmm...


after a draining six hour hike, we're finally off for lunch at six in the evening. i ccould almost faint. but seeing all the dumplings and dimsums, it was all worthwhile.this is the yum cha place for the sai kung's rich.


the sunset at the back of sai kung plaza



and my most favourite discovery of the place - the sea market! it's crazy! it's hk's answer to thailand's river market! waaahhh! mga instik talaga! kanya kanyang gimik! haha!



oh no, scrap that. my most favourite discovery - petra's got a boyfriend! and guess who? ung partner nya nung last ako sumama maghike! remember my shortest fling? yes, those bunch of guys! nagkatuluyan talaga si petra and fa-yuen! exagg! i got loka when they went pda-ing and all.. who would have thought that you'd meet the love of your life in the middle of some secluded mountains? ang cute ng story! another cliche - you'll find love when you least expect it. ako nga i found mine underneath a traffic light. haha!