oh well...

Ok, I have a confession to make. I swear to my blog’s name that I don’t want anything to come out of this. I don’t even know if the person concerned reads my site (I hope he doesn’t anymore) or I want him to do something about it. My number one 2008 resolution is to admit what I needed to admit. And this would have to be the first thing that I want to let out because I’ve been keeping it for more than a year now. I want redemption! Haha! Besides, I don’t want to experience Julia Roberts’ situation in My Bestfriend’s Wedding when she didn’t tell her long-time love what she feels and the moment just passed them by, except that in my case I don’t expect anything to flourish.

I was in-love with my first male bestfriend. I first met him the second of December on the last year of the dog. It was really a magical moment, I must tell you. I never met somebody who shares the same thoughts, kajologan, and interests like him. We could literally finish each other’s sentences. We were so comfortable with each other that we talked about things you wouldn’t want to talk about, i.e., salary, how we despise some of our relatives, or the good things that we achieved without making it look like we’re bragging. He slept over at my place when he was locked out of his apartment and it didn’t bother me at all. I asked him to move the tv that I bought from my neighbor to my crib when I was in South Africa and I knew he was ok to do it. We can drink from the same beer bottle and we could ignore the stare of the people who gave the questioning look. He was also my first kiss in HK. There’s nothing romantic about it because it was just brought out by a dare but I think I’m still thankful that it was done with him and not just some of ‘em flings.

I thought the feeling was mutual because I swear I knew there was really something going on between us – to my definition at least. It’s like going back to high school all over again. You have no idea how many times I tried dressing up whenever we have scheduled dates (only to be ditched last minute). You have no idea how hard it is to say that the “date” didn’t really mean anything when you had been imagining it for at least a week. And then I found out that he got a girlfriend. A big stab to the heart would be an understatement. Fine I’ll say it: I’m here, why does he have to settle for a long distance relationship? Simple answer: He didn’t like me. Good thing I became busy with work that nursing a broken heart came in easy. Besides, he’s really happy whenever I see him. He never fails to flash that look that says I-am-really-contented-with who-I-am-with-that-I-can’t-wait-for-my-next-homecoming. I doubt if I can make him get that look if we become together. His gf is one lucky woman.

We both got busy with our respective personal and professional affairs. We don’t see as much. We don’t talk as much. We must be strangers to each other by now.

But hell yeah, I did love him. But that’s it. And no, I wouldn’t barge into their wedding day (if they decide to tie the knot) and tell him that I did.

NB: I’ve got another thing developing now, another best bud. Hehe, it’s the connection! But I’m taking it slow. Too much wounds to lick right now that I really want to be spotless before I get back into the game.