everything i needed to know about the real world i learned in south africa

im stuck.

im stuck in a job contract which i realized isn't for me afterall.

believe me, I TRIED!

i've been staying in this company for a year now. im one shy and antisocial person. exerting the effort to be liked by others is never my forte. it's the number one principle of sales. no matter how smart you are, you can never get anywhere if you are not liked. hell, most of the good sales persons are stupid. they just get things their way because of lip service. that's why it's a big wonder why i am now in a sales/marketing executive position. and worse, im working for a chinese trading company. and believe me, chinese are the biggest suckers when it comes to servicing clients. i get yelled at when i don't refill my client's wine glass even if he's just taken a little sip. they can even kiss clients' ass if told to do so, no exaggeration. during my job interview, i was told that all i needed to do was speak and write exceptional english and occasional spanish. no sales responsibilities mentioned at all. i thought i could manage. i am the daughter of a salesman for 20 years afterall. but i guess im a living proof that some kids can really deviate from their progenitors.

i hate sales and everything that has to do with it. it's just not me.

anyway, so we were in south africa last week. you wouldn't fully understand how low i felt about myself when i went there. it's my first business trip and the truth that i will always be the ill mannered little girl trying to fit into the rich adult world has never been slapped to my face this hard.

for the entire week that i was there, i was criticized endlessly. if my boss could criticize me for breathing, she would very much do so. im supposed to be representing the company outside hk, and i am not doing a good job.

how about dancing unconsciously in the middle of the supermarket aisle when my favorite song was aired? i thought i just had to be myself???

why isn't my family born rich?

i should have known how to use those cutleries. oh god, those bloody cutleries! i should have known the different types of mustard for steak. i should have known those carpaccio and camembert. i should have known how to wear heels and dress more formally - comfortably. i should have known how to pretend to laugh without giggling. i should have known how to wear make-up. i should have known the streets and alleys of new york or london. i should have acquainted myself to all those freaking expensive brand names. i should have known technical terms about driving and car models. i should have traveled to australia or rome. i should have class.

to someone up there, if you really are out there, can you give me a break for a change? why not make me a photographer, a travel guide, or a social worker instead? i promise to stop putting up with jerks and consequently stop destroying myself and others if you give me any of these jobs with a salary that can make me and my parents get by everyday. i also promise to sleep early. and eat more veggies.

i still have so much life to live. yet im here. stuck.