so galing sya dito kanina.

mga 1 oras din sya nandito. he's just supposed to grab his bag but i ended up asking him about downloading, then he transferred some files from my harddrive to his laptop.

nagkumustahan kame. kwento sya, kwento ako. syempre mas jolly ako magkwento, i am one of the most plastik persons afterall. pero un nga, awkward na for us. i dont know, lalo na for him. pigil na magkwento. maingat na sa mga sinasabi. and trust me, nothing happened. we did not have any body contact until we said goodbye.

nakakalungkot pala ung ganun no? alam mo ung feeling na gustong gusto mo makita ung tao, pero alam mong mas magandang wag na lang? kaya you go on with your life, silently fighting the memories... gradually easing the pain by all means. pero andun pa din ung feeling na... basta it's indescribable. this person will always be one of the people who would knock me off my feet. ung konting move nya lang, titiklop na ko. not the type that i'd spread my legs. but the moment when he greeted me nicely without any sign of rudeness, i took it as a sign that we may be ok again. then i became my usual me. jolly, machismis, makulit. it's like he's my strength and my weakness at the same time. ganun.

he's very careful all throughout. either he already got a new girl, or he's mature enough to stand by the break up. either way i was offended. give me a break, he was my everything a few months ago. i may have been out with friends a lot but im sure he has moved on much farther than i have and it pains me like hell. i mean, ako na nga ung di pinaglaban tapos ako pa din ung stuck sa past. you have no idea how it sucks to be in my shoes. and the sad part is no matter how hard i try to move on, i will always be the one who was not fought for and was naive enough to have waited for nothing.

before he left he said that i could text or email him when we bike around his area and maybe he'll join us. i suddenly changed my mood and took out all the courage to say "you know i won't". and we both know that that is what's going to happen. we are not ready to be friends. god knows how i wish that everything just becomes casual. but im not ready. not yet.

i accompanied him outside my gate and you could see that he's just dying to get out. but being the pathetic monger, i asked for a hug, which he gave. and i held on a little longer. i said that's the last time that i may see him which could be true. moving on is one task that takes me a very long time and maybe i need more time.

but shemexes aside, that's one good hug. i know it's the last thing i need but it's still the same hug that could comfort me any time.

i'm writing this using my new laptop

ok... here's the thing: i've been using b's laptop since february. i gave my laptop to my sister (original plan was just to lend but i ended up giving it to her). anyway, long story short: i used b's lappie for the meantime. then we broke up. then it's still with me... then he emailed me last week asking me to return his things that are still in my flat. i wasn't expecting to hear from him again ever... but there he was, getting all his stuff back.

why am i writing about this? i dont know, it's not about the laptop per se. i certainly could afford a new one, which i already did. but the notebook is the last symbol that i have at least gotten a hand after all the pain and all shemexes. whenever i say to people that we have broken up and we havent been talking at all.. i would smile thereafter and say: what the heck, i got his laptop so f*ck it i got something afterall. and now it's gone.

oh wells... that's life. you win some you lose some. in this case a totally lost a lot. well about him of course.

oh, i forgot to tell you about my date last time. it was totally ruined by friends. but we're good chatmates again after that disaster. he's a good conversationalist and we're good online buddies. but i guess it's going to be left like that. just friends -- which i am ok with. i've reached the point of realizing that i cannot make all new male friends as potential bf. some are just friends. so there, we're good. i enjoy single life and im in no rush to jump into another relationship. what's the point in rushing when you know you'd just have to put up with another jerk? might as well enjoy single life!

my 500th post

I am saving my 500th post for something really special. And now I got an effing story to tell. I was so drunk last night that i slipped in the bar cr and hit my head on the corner of the wooden table stand of the sink. It was a really deep cut and the bleeding could hardly stop! I never emitted that much blood out of my body except from my monthly period. It was really really scary. I seriously thought that I was going to die by non-stop bleeding. It eventually stopped after I made several tissue paper wet with my own blood.

I had to drag m out of the bar and show her the cut. We went to the nearest 7-11 to buy bandages. We still partied after that. I don’t know… it’s always that way whenever I encounter an accident. I have to show that it was nothing and I could still do things. I slept again at a friend’s place and I could not remember anything else from last night apart from that pool of blood on my face.

And it’s only now that I realize that the cut is just at the top of my right eyebrow. That’s just 1.8cm from my right eye!!! If I was not lucky I could be blind by now! Fuuuck!!!! What if I wasn’t lucky?

So now, I am going to enjoy life as much as I can. I can lose my body parts anytime but while I still have them all intact, I will do all the things I have planned, wanted and dreamt of.

I am so thankful for being lucky!

so i've been quiet lately, huh?

that's because i am genuinely fine right now. writing has done so much as a therapy and it also helped that i've been busy with stuff. now i can seriously say that im happy after all the shemexes.

the cebu trip was really nice and i got super nice photos. ill tell the stories on the next post. then by end of the week im going to tagaytay for a's wedding. yep, aj1981 is finally getting a church wedding of her dream.

and i get a date this saturday. ;)

im not keeping my hopes up, but im more excited on the fact that im back in the market... and that i'd meet a lot of bachelors the next day.

life suddenly became more interesting. high five!

so after 11 months of my cebu booking...

I'm finally boarding the plane. I got a super cheap deal for mine and b's tickets. So many things had happened then. When we were together we'd always tell each other how excited we were. He'd buy a guitar, and I'd eat authentic lechon cebu. Obviously we didn't last long enough to make it through. I just realized that this cebu trip was the longest that we planned on. I'm a sucker for medium to long term plans and I now it dawned on me that the best we could do was plan an out of town trip... And we couldn't even make it. Tsktsk... How about a lifetime? Certainly not happening. The check in clerks asked me to verify with him if he's really coming. I didn't want to but they insist that I do. Surprisingly he answered only to let me hear him getting drunk somewhere. Anyway, I've gotten more annoyed...

And fyi, this is the third month that we're officially over. So fuck it... Enough of all the pain... I've suffered long enough. It's no use letting him get more of my best because of memories. Jerks don't deserve a place in my heart and in my mind.

I'm meeting my fanily in a few hours and that's not a bad alternative. I'm still thankful that for his absence in major events of my life, much more people replace him.

I'm unloading my extra baggage. And I'm leaving it for good.

I'll post pics of the day when I come back. I'm just writing this on my bb. I wanted to let it out before I see the family. I'll have a very good time in cebu!!!

photo of the day: day 37

my favorite artwork in the HARAYA exhibit. it's a work by bobit segismundo. i told you contemporary pinoy artists are so good.

photo of the day: day 36

took this while i was kayaking at the halong bay. that guy was our local tour guide. i was kayaking with an american who just graduated from the university. it was a fun experience. we were paddling for a good half an hour or so until we reached a cave with super boring interior. the scenery and the tranquility that you get while traversing through the hills on water pretty much made up for the uselessness of that cave.