im in the middle of a quarter life crisis.
apart from b, there isn't anything in my life i am sure of anymore. i am in the middle of a personal crisis where a destination is nothing but a series of endless maze. what do i really want to become? what do i really want to achieve? how do i see myself three years from now? that'll be the age when i promised myself that i would have settled - a hefty bank account, a happy married life, a good paying job. i am nearing that age and i don't think i have done something to actually get there. i don't think i have even started. i am in a work that i don't like. i hate it. i hate the people. i hate the pressure. i hate the boredom. it's all hate, hate, hate. i don't even know what i like or love to do. i know i want to take photos, and charity works, too. but what can i do? these are the things that aren't really considered jobs that put food on the table. how can i get a bloody job here if i don't speak chinese or if i need somebody to sponsor my visa?
freaking questions. they drain me everyday. can i just return to pinas? shall i transfer to another country? i was trying to look for some job openings and i realized that there isn't anything that i am good at. i don't even have the guts to apply for a spanish teacher position. if there's one thing that i am quite sure of, it would have to be the fact that i am bad in spanish - the only thing that i am expected to do. and i can't even claim to be extra fluent in english. i stutter! i hate it!!! i only have my sales experience to brag about but that i would really want to bury. there's just something about trading that pricks my little principles.
in a few days my boss is going to ask me to take care of the renewal of my visa. what will i tell her? shall i say that i am staying since i need them to stay in hong kong?
or shall i leave but without a company getting my back? shit. shit.
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