what's the sound of a heart breaking?

devastated would be an understatement to describe what i feel right now.

who would have thought that my life would turn around three hundred sixty degrees in less than a week's time?

on monday i felt like spending the rest of my life with one person whom i didn't know for a long time but felt like he is indeed 'the one'. you could feel it, right?

on tuesday, i thought i was spotting giving me some fears that i was preggers.

on wednesday he moved in to my place.

by thursday i thought that we were invincible. we may be uncertain of the future. we're both contract workers in a foreign land and who knows what will come after our contracts expire? but we are one hundred percent sure that we got each other. and that's what matters.

then friday, i got the most unexpected call. it was from his sister. i was informed that he's legally married and has a more than a year old daughter, whose name is the same as my nickname! shit. how can that happen? he's too young! i've been fooled all along. i always thought that i would lead a simple life. i'd work my ass off, meet a boyfriend, get married, have children, grow old and die. no complications. this is so much more than a telenovela! i never pictured a life with traumatic situations. one person can only take so much! i am not a bad person. i didn't do anything wrong to get all these bloody karmas.

why me? do i have a mark on my forehead that says "jerks welcome"? no, make that "married jerks welcome". no, scrap that again. make that "married lying jerks welcome".

he said that it's a 'pikot' case. they still do shotgun marriages these days? bloody hell. the family of the girl happened to be influential and it would be a disgrace to their clan if she becomes an unwed mother. so my (ex)bf married her before coming to hk. how convenient?! they don't love each other, according to what i was told. but b sends money for the baby every month.

it was raining im sorry's last night and they didn't lessen the pain. not a single bit. im not sure if i could accept an mutually separated guy if you ask me now. one thing's for certain though: lying to the person you love is just plain unforgiveable. i would never do that. or did he love me to begin with?

but the heck, im a masochist. he sleeps in the other room. he's got nowhere to go. have i said that im a masochist?

deja vu? lying? cheating? living with ex's? im back to 2004!

i've been saving my 200th post...

i am keeping a very good event for my 200th post. it's a celebration reaching that number in a year and a half's time. some people tend to get lazy updating their blog, but this has been what's keeping me in my entire stay in hk.

so here it goes. note to self: be careful what you wish for. if you ask for an almost life-changing event, that is certainly what you're going to get.

my world shattered today. i thought no one would beat the experience of getting cheated by your college bestfriend while still living with your significant other. i mean, what worse could happen than that? i thought i could manage all heartbreaks because i've been through the worst of hell and it took me more than three years of loneliness plus a work abroad to get over it.

until today. what about believing all lies by the person whom you thought is your world?

my hands are shaking now. my eyes are filled with tears.

god, haven't i had enough?

my first love letter to b? hehe...

i never believed in soulmates, unrequited love, forever. but if there is indeed 'the one' for everybody, i'd be happy to say that you're that person for me. i never thought that my ideals for a boyfriend no matter how silly they are, would be personified without any shortchanges. i hoped for a naturally beard-less and leghair-less principled guy who will love me like crazy. and poof! then you came right underneath the traffic light in central on the sixth of october in the last year of the pig. you love me more than i could ever hope for. it's one crazy love that is free. and sincere.

it's always an adventure with you around. we like doing great things together. but i know this relationship will not always be like a smooth walk in the park. there'd be lots of adversities along the way. but hell, im ready to face them with you. let's just hang in there, alright? we'll be fine.

this is the day!

oh ye....

it's maroon five day!

yeba! yipee! weekkeee!!!



all the way from my canton trip, i went straight to asia world arena with my trolley bag (who goes to a concert with a luggage bag?) to watch the greatest band of all time (next to beatles)! the excitement is beyond control! i couldn't pee, my fingers were numbing. i couldn't talk sensibly! it's 'that' beyond control!

it's a full house as any full house could get! ang kukulit ng mga tao! panay ang pag - 'more'! mga intsik talaga, lahat dapat sulit!




presenting my future gigolo, adam levine! yey! sex-y!




and since i am too happy about this night that im extra generous, feast on the videos!!! feast on!!! feast on!!!









i wish i was dancing with b when they sang she will be loved.

24 turning 25

im in the middle of a quarter life crisis.

apart from b, there isn't anything in my life i am sure of anymore. i am in the middle of a personal crisis where a destination is nothing but a series of endless maze. what do i really want to become? what do i really want to achieve? how do i see myself three years from now? that'll be the age when i promised myself that i would have settled - a hefty bank account, a happy married life, a good paying job. i am nearing that age and i don't think i have done something to actually get there. i don't think i have even started. i am in a work that i don't like. i hate it. i hate the people. i hate the pressure. i hate the boredom. it's all hate, hate, hate. i don't even know what i like or love to do. i know i want to take photos, and charity works, too. but what can i do? these are the things that aren't really considered jobs that put food on the table. how can i get a bloody job here if i don't speak chinese or if i need somebody to sponsor my visa?

freaking questions. they drain me everyday. can i just return to pinas? shall i transfer to another country? i was trying to look for some job openings and i realized that there isn't anything that i am good at. i don't even have the guts to apply for a spanish teacher position. if there's one thing that i am quite sure of, it would have to be the fact that i am bad in spanish - the only thing that i am expected to do. and i can't even claim to be extra fluent in english. i stutter! i hate it!!! i only have my sales experience to brag about but that i would really want to bury. there's just something about trading that pricks my little principles.

in a few days my boss is going to ask me to take care of the renewal of my visa. what will i tell her? shall i say that i am staying since i need them to stay in hong kong?

or shall i leave but without a company getting my back? shit. shit.

hk flower show

guys, this will be the first time that i really think i can make a living out of photography. these will be my nicest shots to date. papa jesus, sige na. make me a features writer cum photojournalist cum librarian!!! i promise ill be good.

photos taken during the hk flower show 2008. session done with b. i got a worsening flu during this day, but that didn't stop me from taking photos, though i got too wasted two hours later.

pre-nup shoot

this is taking it to another level. how about a prenup shoot? exagg! remember when you go to extravagant weddings and they let you sign a guestbook filled with nice photos? those are the prenup shots! you can never go wrong here. everything should be in absolute perfection. couples pay hefty amount for this. you keep them for a lifetime. so you better get the best.

being the only active princess in the kingdom of pinoy photographers' club, i was tasked by the gorgeous kings to girl-handle everything. damn these photographers, they only know how to shoot. they couldn't be bothered on the costumes, make up, retouching. that's why they were too happy that i still made it even if i got flu. durg durg.

models are arlyn and sandred. trivia: these kids used to be together. they went on their separate ways but they seem friends and civil with each other. and yeah, they're teenagers.


the bride


the groom



holding on tight


looking through each other's eyes


there should always be a distance


garden wedding


cute couple, eh


these were the shots when i borrowed dave's trigger. see that yellow light? i owe it to the trigger! gotta buy one. now.





oh, i forgot to mention the venue: HK park. thus this little birdie. i got drained afterwards. i couldn't go to the UPAA mixer anymore. sad.