photo of the day: 1-3

here we go again...

let's see how long i can keep this. hahaha! but seriously i think i need this to practice writing again.

well i need to start with three photos. i believe i have chosen the most appropriate photos. fireworks! i took this while at the rooftop of my sister's workplace, next to gigantic satellite receivers and signal towers. how cool is that? i got flu next day though. :(

this would be the first time since my beijing trip almost 5 years ago that i see fireworks on residents' backyards. you see im a visual person, so i like rainbows, colorful stuff, fireworks. i think they're works of magic to amaze us all. it's a bit too late, but i wish you a happy new year! cheers to the blessings of 2011, and more cheers to more blessings of 2012!

oh 2011...

alam mo andaming nangyari tong year na to, at talaga namang it has been the best year of my life. ito na ang pinakamasaya at pinakamaaksyon kong taon. let me tell you the highlights:

1) i went to spain not once but twice. at may dagdag pang paris! ito talaga maiyak iyak ako kase naman di ba finally nakita ko na kung ano ung pinag-aralan ko

2) i went to iloilo, nagsasa and now im in el nido and we just came from puerto princesa -- all of them a few of my dream PH destinations

3) loved and lost A. i would like to thank him for making me believe in love again. even though we did not part ways very nicely, the loss is still of a positive note as i see it as an indication that we were lucky to realize that it's not meant to be and avoid years of unhappy and stressful life.

4) i went scuba diving!!! woahhh!

5) strengthened ties with friends and family. alam mo sa totoo lang (eto i say it without bitterness ha) whenever i look back, the ten happiest moments of my life were when i was with friends and family. i have gone and traveled to different places with people i've had romantic involvements with pero it always gets fucked up one way or another. i swear parati kaming nag-aaway, walang mintis. and this goes back to J days pa ha.

ewan, maybe it's the unconditionality and the absence of complications of these platonic and familiar relationships that make me enjoy them more. alam mo ung feeling na kahit shitty ka paminsan minsan, or kahit di ka best on something, alam mong meron pa ring naniniwala sayo at will welcome you with loving arms. grabe sa PM, ilang beses na ko naging mean sa bawat isa sa kanila... i always abandon them pa when i get a bf.. pero andyan pa din sila to support me during my trying times. nakikimura kapag galit na galit ako sa isang tao. nakikikilig pag masaya ako. it's like having a lot of soulmates. nakakatuwa na we can all finish each other's sentences. at saka ang acronyms, it's like we speak the same language and it's fun to have people like that in your life. HK is such a stressful place, but with friends like them, can you really complain when you get a setback on work or lovelife?

so what's in store for 2012? i've two trips lined up already. a solo backpack trip in bangkok and cambodia. plus a trip to phuket. easter im thinking of going to sichuan. then we're thinking of another big bang vacation second half of next year.

workwise, more bonus! and july 2012 shall be the last time i will apply for visa. then it's permanently HK we belong together by 2013!!!

2012 shall be a year of positivity, balance, and more fun.

minsan tanga talaga ko when it comes to relationships...

when i was venting out to my friends last week about the times na inaaway ako ni A in the four months that we were together, narealize kong i've been emotionally tortured countless times. grabe pala talaga insecurities nya. they dont have to tell me what a jerk he'd been pero sukdulan pala syang manakit ng tao mentally and emotionally. papa jesus salamat for this way out. i'd rather be alone than not be myself, and suffer in a relationship with an asshole.

i've never met anyone who seemed to have a lot of blessings but still be negative on everything that he got. yes you have to be always yearning for excellence, but that does not mean it gives you the right to hurt other people who care for you. im so stupid, he cannot even appreciate his family fully, what more ako? alam mo meron pa ngang mga broken family na centered on love pa din. pero sya mismo dinidistansya nya sarili nya sa family nya. who am i to expect that he would be nice to me? im sorry but even though i've been hurt so many times and my family and friends let me down a few times, im still the same loving person and everyone around me appreciate that and they try to be nice to me in return.

all those times that he'd been suspicious about me and my male friend, and all the times that i've been prohibited to send messages to my friends, to calling me fat and so many bad things... im actually amazed we lasted 4 months. see, im told you im stupid.

if there's one thing that i learned after my first real heartbreak, it would be to not hold any grudge. yes you need time to cry over it and you take as much time you need to move on, but dont hold grudge and generalize that all men are like that. minsan talaga inaalat ka, pero suswertehin ka din no! dont be cynical about the next person that you're involved with. every person is different. they will love (and hurt) you differently.

may mga nasayang na plane tickets (palawan, and phuket) pero ok lang un. alam mo ung pera pwedeng mabalik un sa bonus pero ung stress being with someone who's just opposite of what love is supposed to be, then dont ever fret about the money. life is too short to be with people who seem to be happy pulling you down. im not getting any younger so im trying to keep away from things that may give me wrinkles.

i cried over it for a week or so. but now that things are clearer im just happy that im out. no more negative vibes. i wish he finishes his dissertation with flying colors and he'd become a topnotch finance professor here. i wish for myself continuous happiness and love from friends and family and hopefully a special guy soon.

so eto na naman...

so tapos na kame ni A.

punyeta lang talaga. i've been with several bad relationships. may isang sira ulo, ung isa pinagpalit ako sa college bestfriend ko, ung isa may asawa... tapos eto. actually akala ko jackpot na ko. kase naman super talino, may itsura naman, ang ganda ng katawan, maalaga.. di talaga ko nagsayang ng oras na ideclare sa mundo na syota ko sya. pinakilala ko sa lahat ng friends ko, kahit ung mga di ko madalas kinikita. pinangangalandakan ko pa sa facebook. masaya kame. we travel a lot. we do different things. saka minahal ko talaga sya. di ako super attracted sa umpisa, pero it grows on you, you know. and i guess that's the type of love that we're expecting to last.

pero deep inside di pala kame masaya. di pala sya masaya. actually nararamdaman ko naman dati pa. alam mo ung napapansin mong di na madalas magmessage, tapos pag nagkita kayo di mo na maramdaman na namiss ka nya. and the intimacy level, sobrang baba talaga. it's like we do things at the same time, but not together. gets mo? kumakain kame ng wala man lang pinag-uusapan. We don’t even kiss that much. basta iba.

alam mo matiisin akong tao when it comes to relationships. sobrang forgiving ko pa. kase ang motto ko: hangga't may konting love, kahit 0.0001% na lang, ipaglaban mo. wag ka bibigay. You don’t want to look back a few years later thinking what if you give it one last try. madalas ako magtampo pero after 1 hour nakalimutan ko na yun. kase di talaga ako nagtatanim ng galit. kase alam ko mahal kita, and i will hold on to that... bumibigay lang ako pag nafeel kong ako na lang pala ang lumalaban. siguro dahil dito kaya i always end up with jerks. or maybe good guys that felt they can get away with it if they do a jerky thing for once.

so tapos na kame. actually ang pangit lang ng dahilan. Una ayaw nya sa friends ko. Na di ko din maintindihan kase welcome na welcome naman sya sa Group. Sabi nya meron daw iba na di sya gusto, pero naman di ba kahit naman saang magbarkadahan merong mga tao na di ka feel pero civil kayo. Actually wala naman akong nakikitang nangeexclude sa kanya, pero iba siguro kung yun na yung nasa isip nya sa umpisa pa lang. We are the most inclusive Group that you will meet. Tapos my friends love me too much that they will love any one that matter to me. Di ko talaga maintindihan bakit sya naiinsecure sa group… na technically part sya. Minsan naiinis nako na nagagalit sya na kesyo di daw sya personally ininvite pag may event (sinabihan ko na sya nyan ha). Nakakainis kase parang paimportante. He’s a rightful member of the group pero di naman ako nagkulang na balitaan sya on time. Sa isang chat group 10 lang ang pwedeng participants. Syempre ang mga couple ang dapat magsacrifice ng slot kase understood na yung partner nya ang magbabalita sa kanya. May 2 couple na ganito and there wasn’t a complaint from them. Saka sa totoo lang, kung ikaw ba ang dadating sa group di ba ikaw ang mageeffort? My friends have been reaching out and I thought they’re ok pero di pala for him. Pag pupunta ka sa bagong school, di ba ikaw magaadjust? The school will not adjust for you. It will just create an environment that’s conducive for you, but you still need the guts, less pride and more compromise to make it work.

Pero ang pinaka-fucker na dahilan is ung iregard ako as distraction/inconvenience sa pag-aaral nya. E punyeta kung ganun din lang pala, sana di ka na nanligaw di ba? Para namang di sya estudyante nung nakilala ko sya. He’s the most serious person i know. As in lahat kinocompute. Lahat may dahilan. Lahat nakabudget. Pero ito hindi nya naforesee? Kase di ba kung di mo naman pala kaya wag ka na magsyota. Sabi nya nagpunta sya ng HK para mag-aral hindi para magsyota. The fuck lang di ba? Una isa nakong mistake, isa pa kong tangang umaasa na kasama ko sa future nya. Papa Jesus, sablay naman binigay mo, ano ba yan.

Akala ko nagsimula lang to dahil di ako naggood morning. I thought ang babaw. I know love stories almost always end up in shitty endings, but I don’t want it to be as petty as forgetting to greet. Pinuntahan ko pa sya sa dorm nya para iconfront. All along pala he just does not see me that way. Not even worth the try to make it work. Sabi nya at least ako I have friends to get me through this, sya alone. And seriously I didn’t feel sorry for him regarding this, not one bit. Not primarily because he’s the one who’s causing me the pain. But because he brought this to himself. If you’re too busy earning a degree or monetizing everything you see, then what’s the point of life? Isn’t life meant to be spent with friends and family, go out into the world, meet people who will amaze (and hurt) you? Ako when I die tomorrow di nako magrereklamo pag nameet ko ang supreme being (kung meron man). I lived and loved to the fullest. I would not ask for extension kase sayang naman ung milyones ko sa bangko na di ko ginamit because I was too busy saving, or to tell someone I loved him/her. Siguro kaya di rin kame naglast kase di kame pareho ng outlook sa buhay. He’s a realist. I’m a dreamer.

But I have to say that would be 4 months well spent. It’s the shortest relationship I had, kase alam mo naman ako talagang nilolong term ang mga bagay bagay. Dito lang talaga naging forced short term. Ang dami naming nagawa at napuntahan. Nag-China, Pinas, Europe, Malaysia kame. I sorta became a bit mature din. Ngayon naiiyak pa din ako paminsan minsan pag naiisip ko sya. Pero I’m just looking at it on a positive note. Things feel lighter now as I’m free and can be as spontaneous as I had always been. Aah, spontaneity welcome back. How I missed you.

photo of the day: 6

around march this year we went to the annual HK flower show. i've been consistently going to this show ever since i got to HK. i have less number of beautiful photos this year. not sure if it's my decreasing enthusiasm to take photos back then, or there were really less beautiful subjects to capture. i was with friends and we were able to finish the show in an hour. this is my favorite shot from that group. i think the flowers were captured quite well on that metal ball. i want to keep taking photos for the rest of my life!!!

photo of the day: 5

because the baby is now a lady... aawww, my little girl is really all grown up. she's taller than me now, i think. i could still remember how i used to borrow her from my mom and i would carry her in my arms. now she's got constant textmates and she hates her teachers, who used to be my teachers also. now i feel old.

photo of the day: 4

we went to see an international volleyball match (FIVB, hk leg). it's my favorite sport to watch. i think it's the most exciting game. i was with a and we were so into trash talking as if we belong to the country of the players. he won the first match, i did on the second. all the same we were pda-ing all throughout the game. good times!