when i was venting out to my friends last week about the times na inaaway ako ni A in the four months that we were together, narealize kong i've been emotionally tortured countless times. grabe pala talaga insecurities nya. they dont have to tell me what a jerk he'd been pero sukdulan pala syang manakit ng tao mentally and emotionally. papa jesus salamat for this way out. i'd rather be alone than not be myself, and suffer in a relationship with an asshole.
i've never met anyone who seemed to have a lot of blessings but still be negative on everything that he got. yes you have to be always yearning for excellence, but that does not mean it gives you the right to hurt other people who care for you. im so stupid, he cannot even appreciate his family fully, what more ako? alam mo meron pa ngang mga broken family na centered on love pa din. pero sya mismo dinidistansya nya sarili nya sa family nya. who am i to expect that he would be nice to me? im sorry but even though i've been hurt so many times and my family and friends let me down a few times, im still the same loving person and everyone around me appreciate that and they try to be nice to me in return.
all those times that he'd been suspicious about me and my male friend, and all the times that i've been prohibited to send messages to my friends, to calling me fat and so many bad things... im actually amazed we lasted 4 months. see, im told you im stupid.
if there's one thing that i learned after my first real heartbreak, it would be to not hold any grudge. yes you need time to cry over it and you take as much time you need to move on, but dont hold grudge and generalize that all men are like that. minsan talaga inaalat ka, pero suswertehin ka din no! dont be cynical about the next person that you're involved with. every person is different. they will love (and hurt) you differently.
may mga nasayang na plane tickets (palawan, and phuket) pero ok lang un. alam mo ung pera pwedeng mabalik un sa bonus pero ung stress being with someone who's just opposite of what love is supposed to be, then dont ever fret about the money. life is too short to be with people who seem to be happy pulling you down. im not getting any younger so im trying to keep away from things that may give me wrinkles.
i cried over it for a week or so. but now that things are clearer im just happy that im out. no more negative vibes. i wish he finishes his dissertation with flying colors and he'd become a topnotch finance professor here. i wish for myself continuous happiness and love from friends and family and hopefully a special guy soon.
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