When I'm Pissed...

I write.

I have always been an exaggeratingly reactive person. I shout when I’m excited. I ‘roar’ when I’m mad. I squeak for ten straight seconds when I find something gross. Most of the time people around me find me scandalous. Most of the time I spent sleepless nights trying to go back to those scandalous moments. There were a hundred million scenarios when I could have done or said things differently. I always find that better alternative to make things favourable but I didn’t. I think I have a slow cognitive system that I really need at least 24 hrs to think things over. Both of us would be sorry if you let me say something now. Chances are I’d say something nasty, or stupid, or just plain unrelated to the topic.

But it’s different when I write. I have ample time to verify what I really feel. I’m still selfish that I never bothered how others would react. But at least I have the opportunity to assess myself first. I’ve written crazy things for the past two years and I still like reading my posts until now. They’re honest, raw, very ‘blsm’. You know those moments when those writers or mushy quotes say that it’s better to say or do it than regret in the future that you didn’t? When I backread, I get that accomplishment. Since there wasn’t any pretension, I feel liberated that I said (in this case, wrote) everything I needed to say.

There’s nothing really blind item-ish in this post. I’m not going to mention another person that did me wrong.

Oh well, why not? :p

They f*cking pissed me anyway!

C, my colleague
You asked me why I didn’t tell you that I got a bf. Well C, I’m not the type of person who prances around the plaza telling everybody she runs into that she’s got a bf! Also, you are too protective. You are not my mother. I hate your guts. I used to admire you for being caring but I lost it when you started backstabbing every body in the office. I’m 100% sure you’re doing the same to me. And please, can you compose your own email? How many times do I have to tell you the difference between ‘patient’ and ‘patience’? I repeat, you are not my mother. That’s why I’m in HK, a few hundred miles away from my mother. I don’t like anybody telling me what to do. Go look after your own kids. You have three. Why not help your helper rearing your children instead of finding a fault from her every five seconds and broadcasting to the office how stupid she is?

W, my big boss
Will you stop being desperate infront of our clients? It’s bloody irritating. Do you have to piss them off by cornering them and telling them things that they don’t really need to know? Don’t you notice that they were just mechanically nodding after you stop, giving them the cue that you’re finally finished only to be disappointed that you’re really not? Just shut up. Your bullshit days are over. Don’t waste people’s time. We get orders by being diligent, and not by doing a litany of your arrogance. They just smile at you because they pity you for trying hard considering your age. They’ve never seen an old man so desperate like you. And please… stop asking me to drink. I am not a drinker. Don’t embarrass me infront of our clients just because I’m a sissy for not being a drunkard like you! Oh, and lastly, stop asking me to sing infront of our clients?! I’m an executive, not a GRO! You dirty man! Aaarrggggg!

V, my direct manager
Will you stop slaving me? I only got two hands and I can only do so much. Why do you ask me to work so hard when you’re so cheapo not to replace any of the three colleagues who left the office? We, the people under your supervision, don’t even get a bonus! Maybe you come to the office on time and leave at 6pm? You know, the supposed end of our shift? You should see how we work so you can have a good inheritance when your slaving father goes to the other side.

The owner of the New Star Long Distance Call Service
Will you bloody improve your system? Gosh, I’ve never been so dissatisfied until I availed your service! You’re not cheap, and you cannot even deliver standard service. And you even had the guts to ask me to renew my account and deposit another fortune in your account? Aren’t you guys ashamed? Do you actually feel proud for working in a company that’s just plain inefficient?

S, my roomie
Why did you have to broadcast in the office that you wake me up in the morning? It only happened once in your 8 month stay here! When you knock at my door, I’m already up by then. So don’t tell our boss that you deserve to get the credit. I got a bf to take that.

E, the lover of my uncle
The hell, when will you pay me then? I hate it when I get mad about money, but what can I do? It looks like my wage for 10 days is going down the drain!


B
You know I love you to pieces. But will you stop getting my camera gears when I’m not around and just informing me that you got them over the phone? I bloody hate it when I’m not given the opportunity to decide before anything gets done – on my belongings! We’re not yet married and those are simply mine. I starve for days to purchase those and you can at least ask for permission or return them immediately. I may not look like I worship my stuff every night, but I think anybody wouldn’t like the idea of not finding your own stuff when you need them just because they’re not yet returned, especially if you worked hard for those.

Myself
So what will you do when you’re aware that your career is going nowhere? You’re not learning anymore from your job and you hate the people you work with. You pity yourself because you think you’re not going to get some place else soon. Then why did you have to mess up the cover letters that you submit recently? Duuhhh??? How will they grant you an interview in the newspaper when you didn’t even see that your letter has so many typo errors?! Aaahhhh!!!




________________________________
See? I just need to write. Now I feel a little better. Still pissed, but a little better.