m4m: the end

four months ago, i read an email from mida addressed to our UP alumni egroup about an audition for the play she's planning. she's a close friend of mine, and i know how big of a deal this first staged play is to her. i mean, that's what lamda people do, right? i JOKED that maybe i should audition, for fun. im not really into plays. im not that cultured to be acquainted with theatre, shakespeare, acting! i have very limited acting experience, i was too lousy during our hs skits that i always played inanimate objects. my hosting stints are different. for some reason, people expect emcees to be lousy anyway. my stints were pro bono, so they cannot really complain, can they? besides, they go to functions to socialize, not to hear the litany of the emcees.

when i made that joke with mida, it was one of those days when i felt i could do anything. i was too bored then that i needed something different to add colour to my life. before the audition, mida asked for my help to be part of the production. i confirmed immediately. im too sure that i won't make it to the cut for casting anyway. so might as well help out. needless to say, i got in and was cast as the most comedic character. im also part of production, scouring for props, and doing the photography.

voila! welcome to the most stressful for months of my life! imagine rushing to rehearsal venues after work, turning down friends' invites for dinner, going home late, memorizing the freaking lines which up to now are still not so clear, dealing with tension, enduring tardiness of some co-actors, finding a tailor to do a friar's costume similar to what friars wear 100 years ago, or scouring for a christmas lantern when papa jesus' birthday finished a long time ago. it's pure hardship.

it's the most stressful yet the most rewarding.

i have to admit that there were more times when i scolded myself for getting myself dragged into this endeavor. i have a full time job, a boyfriend, a house to keep, club to write minutes for, migrants to train, and there were instances that i just wanted to shout with all the pressure. when you meet four days a week for rehearsals, that's when you think you had to let it go. actors do it because it's their passion. but i know im not an actress. this is not my passion.

but came february, i gradually saw everybody stepping up. im not yet close with my co-actors then. but i fully respected them when they say their lines with great vigour. and mida! oh god, obsessed is an understatement when it comes to her understanding of the play. she's so effing good! when i see everybody doing their best, i was like: fuck, these are really brilliant people. i should be honored being part of a team with these brilliant men and women. blsm, just go the extra step. or mile. or lightyears. whatever it takes to prove that you are rightful to be part of this play.



you have no idea how accomplished i felt every time we finish a show. all those applause, you know that they appreciate what you did. it's so different when i did my salutatory speech half a lifetime ago. 'pompey' is one of the minor roles that if you do a synopsis of the play, you can completely understand it without mentioning pompey. but i take pride in my character. pompey is what makes measure for measure a comedy. take him away, and you'll get egotistic drama. and i think i did my part in the 7 shows being active and all. it's all about proper timing and i think i did well in that area.

this is indeed a humbling experience. when i grow old and i have grandchildren to spoil, ill recount to them this moment in my life. ill tell them that this was one of those times when i felt i could do anything. indeed i could.