random thoughts

how many times have i written that i hate my job? i hate the politics, racism, long hours, absence of career growth, etc. i only get motivated to go to work because of the unlimited internet access. everything else is bleh.

but what can i do? i don't have a back up job. i've been applying to several other companies, but i still cannot find any luck. i haven't received so many rejection letters in my life until now.

i am trying to go back to the philippines and find a better job. 'better' being one level up than my position right now. i'd be a hypocrite if i'd say salary is not an issue. but it doesn't have to be at par with what i am getting now. it just needs to be a good career move - and yes, self fulfilling.

i found out that my friend's mom died today. blame it to the family values instilled in pinoy hearts, but i think i am wasting my time here being away from my family. i don't want to be the poor wreck who regrets spending her time elsewhere when she could have spent it with her family. death is just waiting right outside the door. i don't want to grow old not knowing much about my parents. i want to tell my kids how great their grandparents were. at this stage, i don't think i can do that. i don't even know my father's health status!

hope i can get a job in pinas soon!