i have a goal!

so i got exactly four weeks til my birthday and im planning on doing something explosive! hahahahaha!

secret muna baka magahol sa preparations. hihihihi... ngayon pa lang natatawa na akong naeexcite. :)

you know what fucking hurts all this time?

it's realizing that i was not worth fighting for. after two and a half years. fuck.

ang nanay ko

kwento ng isang ex ko... sabi ng isang friend nya ang babae daw magiging kamukha ng nanay nya pagtanda nya. kaya dapat daw tignan maigi ang soon to be mother-in-law. kung di mo daw ma-take, medyo magdalawang isip ka na.. at ang hirit nya: "naisip ko tuloy nanay mo..." as if implying nagdadalawang isip nga sya..

hello! ang ganda kaya ng nanay ko! cincuenta na yan this year!



kaya siguro di kame nagkatuluyan. labo, niyayabang lang pic ng nanaj, nagbad mouth pa sa ex. hahahaha! bakit ba?! pero seriously, i would not mind if ganyan itsura ko pag cincuenta na ko.. damn it, she's even slimmer than me!!!

so i did

i did greet him. one simple "happy birthday. all the best".

it's depressing to be in this stage when a person who used to be your everything becomes one of the people whom you send generic messages. i used to text him out of the blue and told him how i missed him or how i remembered him that day. now im down to those two phrases.

he replied "thank you."

in 10 mins

bday na ni b.

in 10 mins din 1 month na kame break.

i will not

greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

i will not greet the ex bf on his birthday on wednesday.

to greet or not to greet? friends pa naman dapat kame ah.

dear hk

happy fourth year anniversary! ikaw na.. ikaw na ang pinakamatagal sa lahat! three years na lang permanently committed na tayo. i love you.

to celebrate our years of togetherness, i promise na on the last stage na ko ng recovery kay b. i was happy with him but i think i am happier when im just thinking of myself. or i have finally accepted that it's really not meant to be. i was looking back and i realized ako pa at ako lang ang nagreresearch kung pano madissolve ung issue nya. i realized ako lang ang may gusto talaga nun. im not questioning if he really loved me.. pero un nga, ako lang ang nagpipilit na matuloy sa happily ever after.

so pahinga na lang muna ako sa mga relationships. i officially started having relationships 8 years ago. 1 yr dun kay j. 1.5yrs kay r. 2.5 kay b. tapos 3 yrs moving on from r and/or desperately trying to get to have a bf then finally found b.

you see, i spent the peak of my life depending on other people's love to be happy. i'll love myself this time and i know i can never go wrong. kung may dumating, go lang. but im not going to look desperately for it. seriously, even with all the cheesy shemexes that relationships can give to one person... parang isa pa din syang tinik na natanggal pag natapos. minsan masarap din ung wala kang ineeffort-an.

i'll try to avoid looking at the lonely side of it. i have always been an anti social so it's really not so hard.

by the way, i enrolled in a mandarin class sa ymca last night. i missed the first class pero habol na lang ako. it's 10 times more expensive kesa cantonese class ko dati pero ok pa din ang rates. pampalipas oras lang. my plan next quarter would be to learn swimming and wall climbing! yeeeey! dapat enrol na ko sa wall climbing pero nagclash sya sa schedule ng mandarin. syempre mandarin pinili ko. nerd nga di ba?!

waaahhh! dami ko pa gusto gawin. piano lesson, german, belly dancing, tennis... weeeeee!