after too much exhaustion from the hong kong fair, only 5% of my brain is working when i reached home at around 9pm on a sunday.
i couldn't get to sleep so i explored my pda. the wireless connection was unbelievably fast so i was more encouraged to do some net surfing. due to lack of sites to visit, i opted to revisit my yahoo mail folders.
there's this one particular folder that i shouldn't have created and consequently shouldn't have opened. it contains some mails from my ex. the reason why there's is a folder there in the first place is still a big question.
i cried upon re-reading this particular email, the most heartfelt letter someone has given me:
i felt bad last night bec of what happened..
between us,it seemed like having so much fun always has a counter-part fight in the end..
maybe one big factor that contributes to the fire is we're both tired and ungiving at the end of the day..
we always tend to commit mistakes by attack-counter-attack moves..
and we end up hurting each other..
it always happens, isn't?
and i'm not happy about it.
i'm never happy to yell at you like that..
you know me, it's not my ways..
i'm never happy that i'm hurting you..
i'm never happy that you're hurting me..
if we don't shape up and start confronting difficult situations like adults,
i think our end is near..
as much as possible, i don't want to see our conclusion too soon..
i've still so many plans for us and you're the same person i would like to share my life with..
but this chronique sickness of us just won't go away..
we're trapped in circles and i'm tired of it..
let's talk it through..
i think that's the only way to break it.
i hope you agree with me on this.
let's meet half-way baby..
we broke up 3 weeks after this email. and my life went downhill eversince, romantically speaking that is.
a friend once asked me if there's a part of my life which i regret. i usually say there isn't anything that in the past that i feel sorry for, because if not for the bad experiences i won't be the person that i am now. true enough.
but if i were to have a time machine, i'd definitely go back in time.
i'd definitely talk it through. i'd compromise. i'd do anything to save "us".
God, i want to love again.
Monday, April 23, 2007
para sa mga nagcocomment
treat for you allan and nins!
para sa dalawang taong hindi nagsasawang bumisita sa blog ko paminsan minsan at magcomment.
mga kuha naten three years ago. nahalukay ko sa yahoo folders ko courtesy of allan's phone:
sobrang miss ko na kayo!
with the special participation of jr.
para sa dalawang taong hindi nagsasawang bumisita sa blog ko paminsan minsan at magcomment.
mga kuha naten three years ago. nahalukay ko sa yahoo folders ko courtesy of allan's phone:
sobrang miss ko na kayo!
with the special participation of jr.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
last night
Last night was one hell of a night. After promising Annie that I will help her on her MBA thesis, I found myself committing to go alone at a fine dining Argentinean restaurant. I only have HK$300 (no joke, I remitted my month’s salary since it’s my sister’s grad) to last me until the end of April, and the cheapest meal there costs about HK$140. And you still have to take into consideration that you have to order red wine, and don't forget about service charge. But a promise is a promise, right?
So armed with my last bucks, a pair of high heels white sandals and a dress with an unbelievably low neckline, I was off to La Pampa restaurant. The task is actually simple, eat (and pretend that you don’t feel ripped off) and then approach the master chef (who happens to be a Filipino) for a brief interview. I made it a point that I come there an hour before closing time so I can excuse him since he should be finished cooking steaks at that time.
So I ordered Brochette de Pollo, grilled chicken with skewers, bacon and mashed potatoes. That meal is the second to the cheapest - $148. It took around 30 minutes for them to serve the dish. It means I only have half an hour to strategize how I can approach Kuya Tito, and to think how I can survive two weeks with a measly $100.
I am really a shy person. I do not know how to produce a punchline to spark a conversation. I am an anti-social. After too much thinking, I decided to just come back some other time, or just lie to Annie that I had been busy with work matters that I didn’t have time to go there. But I was like: I can’t put my $200 down the drain. And I won’t accept the fact that I wore this dress for nothing!
While I was busy debating with myself, I see Kuya Tito leaving the premises with his backpack. He’s about to head home! And I was just halfway finished with my $150 meal! But I do not have much choice so I signaled for the waiter to give me my bill. But before he comes with my bill, I ran for Kuya Tito outside the restaurant.
And the interview just happened naturally. Of course I had to expose my half-bare chest so he can accommodate me.
Dig this: I did not pay for my bill! After my introduction, he said we can go back inside the restaurant and discuss the questionnaire. He then signaled for the waiter to waive my bill since he knows me personally. I suddenly remember a line from Ala Paredes’ blog when she described a bar incident that involved her friend. YOU’RE TOO BEAUTIFUL TO PAY.
And don’t forget the dress!
And it was so easy. I was able to ask him the questions in Annie’s list in less than ten minutes. He said he’s going to some inuman session in a bar nearby and he asked if I want to join him. He said I will not feel out of place since a Filipina will be there. I had to reciprocate the generosity that he showed, so I accepted his offer. Also, I suddenly realize that I can gather more information for Annie’s thesis when I smooth talk him over some drink.
We went to Empire Bar. And I was introduced to La Pampa’s Director, and the bartenders of Empire who happened to be Filipinas. I initially asked for an iced tea. Then Cristy (one of the bartenders) served me a glass of red wine. By 0130 I was too wasted and groggy to function, but I still manage to show an interested aura and hold conversations. The other bartender, a nice lesbian, is kind enough to talk to me. I found out that we even have common friends, small world, eh? She has friends who were my classmates in high school.
Kuya Tito gets his phone and rings another friend who happens to be a Filipino manager of Bacar Bar. He asks me to accompany him to Bacar and chat with Evan. I nodded. We were served another glass of red wine in Bacar. After thirty minutes of casual conversation, they decide to return to Empire. Both Evan and Cristy are from the Bicol region and it will be nice to introduce them to each other. Upon return to Empire, I asked for another iced tea. After that, Cristy served me a Frente Branca plus coke cocktail. It is horrible for a non drinker like me!
We rode the same taxi and I reached home at exactly 0330. I have work at 0900! I quickly brushed my teeth and headed for my bed. I forgot that I washed my sheets and I have yet to put new ones. But I was too tired to even bother that I just rested my body in sheet-less bed.
Suddenly, I find myself unable to sleep! It must be all the iced tea! I try to avoid caffeine as much as I can, so I really get sleepless nights if I have intolerable amount of it inside my body.
I wasn’t able to sleep until 0600.
I had to get up at 0730 because of grumbling stomach from all the concoctions I had a few hours ago.
Now only 15% of my brain is working. Good thing there isn’t much work to do.
But overall, I am happy because I still have my $300 intact, I have contacts from bars that I can go there for free and I helped Annie. So much for reciprocating her hospitality in my Macau hibernation.
By the way, Kuya Tito is 54 years old.
Sometimes, a woman is really too beautiful to pay.
So armed with my last bucks, a pair of high heels white sandals and a dress with an unbelievably low neckline, I was off to La Pampa restaurant. The task is actually simple, eat (and pretend that you don’t feel ripped off) and then approach the master chef (who happens to be a Filipino) for a brief interview. I made it a point that I come there an hour before closing time so I can excuse him since he should be finished cooking steaks at that time.
So I ordered Brochette de Pollo, grilled chicken with skewers, bacon and mashed potatoes. That meal is the second to the cheapest - $148. It took around 30 minutes for them to serve the dish. It means I only have half an hour to strategize how I can approach Kuya Tito, and to think how I can survive two weeks with a measly $100.
I am really a shy person. I do not know how to produce a punchline to spark a conversation. I am an anti-social. After too much thinking, I decided to just come back some other time, or just lie to Annie that I had been busy with work matters that I didn’t have time to go there. But I was like: I can’t put my $200 down the drain. And I won’t accept the fact that I wore this dress for nothing!
While I was busy debating with myself, I see Kuya Tito leaving the premises with his backpack. He’s about to head home! And I was just halfway finished with my $150 meal! But I do not have much choice so I signaled for the waiter to give me my bill. But before he comes with my bill, I ran for Kuya Tito outside the restaurant.
And the interview just happened naturally. Of course I had to expose my half-bare chest so he can accommodate me.
Dig this: I did not pay for my bill! After my introduction, he said we can go back inside the restaurant and discuss the questionnaire. He then signaled for the waiter to waive my bill since he knows me personally. I suddenly remember a line from Ala Paredes’ blog when she described a bar incident that involved her friend. YOU’RE TOO BEAUTIFUL TO PAY.
And don’t forget the dress!
And it was so easy. I was able to ask him the questions in Annie’s list in less than ten minutes. He said he’s going to some inuman session in a bar nearby and he asked if I want to join him. He said I will not feel out of place since a Filipina will be there. I had to reciprocate the generosity that he showed, so I accepted his offer. Also, I suddenly realize that I can gather more information for Annie’s thesis when I smooth talk him over some drink.
We went to Empire Bar. And I was introduced to La Pampa’s Director, and the bartenders of Empire who happened to be Filipinas. I initially asked for an iced tea. Then Cristy (one of the bartenders) served me a glass of red wine. By 0130 I was too wasted and groggy to function, but I still manage to show an interested aura and hold conversations. The other bartender, a nice lesbian, is kind enough to talk to me. I found out that we even have common friends, small world, eh? She has friends who were my classmates in high school.
Kuya Tito gets his phone and rings another friend who happens to be a Filipino manager of Bacar Bar. He asks me to accompany him to Bacar and chat with Evan. I nodded. We were served another glass of red wine in Bacar. After thirty minutes of casual conversation, they decide to return to Empire. Both Evan and Cristy are from the Bicol region and it will be nice to introduce them to each other. Upon return to Empire, I asked for another iced tea. After that, Cristy served me a Frente Branca plus coke cocktail. It is horrible for a non drinker like me!
We rode the same taxi and I reached home at exactly 0330. I have work at 0900! I quickly brushed my teeth and headed for my bed. I forgot that I washed my sheets and I have yet to put new ones. But I was too tired to even bother that I just rested my body in sheet-less bed.
Suddenly, I find myself unable to sleep! It must be all the iced tea! I try to avoid caffeine as much as I can, so I really get sleepless nights if I have intolerable amount of it inside my body.
I wasn’t able to sleep until 0600.
I had to get up at 0730 because of grumbling stomach from all the concoctions I had a few hours ago.
Now only 15% of my brain is working. Good thing there isn’t much work to do.
But overall, I am happy because I still have my $300 intact, I have contacts from bars that I can go there for free and I helped Annie. So much for reciprocating her hospitality in my Macau hibernation.
By the way, Kuya Tito is 54 years old.
Sometimes, a woman is really too beautiful to pay.
this is a dream come true!
i never stopped talking about the photography exhibit, huh?! well i am not stopping any time soon!
check out our poster for the event:
isa pa ko sa mga contacts.. wehe!
my images are not included in the poster since i am relatively new to the club, but you can see my name!
and this is the invite:
happy to have a surname that starts with V. floating talaga sya dun!!
check out our poster for the event:
isa pa ko sa mga contacts.. wehe!
my images are not included in the poster since i am relatively new to the club, but you can see my name!
and this is the invite:
happy to have a surname that starts with V. floating talaga sya dun!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
post macau
After my Macau hibernation, all I wanted to do was trim down.
Check out my Macau routine:
Wake up at 12 noon for breakfast.
Watch MTV for an hour then lunch time.
Watch another HBO movie for two hours, then eat merienda.
Take a bath, go sightseeing til 7pm.
Dinner.
Watch two HBO movies.
Midnight snack.
YM til 4am.
No household chores at all! This is life! No work, househelp, family, lots of people to talk to, TV, unlimited fast internet. It couldn’t get any better than this.
Do this for five days and when you go back to reality, you just feel frustrated because it has ended and guilty because you’re bloated when summertime is fast approaching.
So apart from tiring myself in the gym, here are the things that I did last week:
1. Watched “Meet the Robinson’s”. It was a choice between this movie and Hilary Swank’s “The Reaping.” It was such a treat. I just realized that this is the first comedy movie I watched in a moviehouse in HK. I admire how they plotted the twists but somehow didn’t make you think. I also liked how they focused on not giving up despite constant failures. As they always said in the movie: Keep moving forward.
2. Confirmed Basic Cantonese Language Course. In due time, I will understand what my two-faced colleagues are saying. It’s supposed to be a good thing, isn’t it? Something tells me it can be otherwise. But I really wanted to take advantage of the course since it’s so cheap! HK$100 for the entire course that will last for more than 3 months. It is a 3 hour session every Sunday. Not bad, eh? I will start on the 29th.
3. Confirmed that I will be participating in the upcoming “Pagbabalik” Exhibit of the Philippine Photographer’s Club – HK. I will commit two photos. This is certainly a dream come true. I know no one’s going to buy my images, since I will be exhibiting the ones that were taken when I was still using my low tech digital camera, but still!!! To become an exhibitor is an honor in itself.
4. Went swimming. It’s been months since I last dipped in a pool. I still used the kiddie pool.
5. Met up with a relative. It’s been a while since I last hugged somebody.
6. Read Cliff’s Notes of Edith Wharton’s “The Age of Innocence”. Call me a cheater, but I wasn’t really a fan of classics. A nice, telenovela-ish story.
7. Ate Cold Sabo Salad, a Japanese salad. I want more!
8. Applied for a Chinese visa. I am going to the Canton Fair next week.
Check out my Macau routine:
Wake up at 12 noon for breakfast.
Watch MTV for an hour then lunch time.
Watch another HBO movie for two hours, then eat merienda.
Take a bath, go sightseeing til 7pm.
Dinner.
Watch two HBO movies.
Midnight snack.
YM til 4am.
No household chores at all! This is life! No work, househelp, family, lots of people to talk to, TV, unlimited fast internet. It couldn’t get any better than this.
Do this for five days and when you go back to reality, you just feel frustrated because it has ended and guilty because you’re bloated when summertime is fast approaching.
So apart from tiring myself in the gym, here are the things that I did last week:
1. Watched “Meet the Robinson’s”. It was a choice between this movie and Hilary Swank’s “The Reaping.” It was such a treat. I just realized that this is the first comedy movie I watched in a moviehouse in HK. I admire how they plotted the twists but somehow didn’t make you think. I also liked how they focused on not giving up despite constant failures. As they always said in the movie: Keep moving forward.
2. Confirmed Basic Cantonese Language Course. In due time, I will understand what my two-faced colleagues are saying. It’s supposed to be a good thing, isn’t it? Something tells me it can be otherwise. But I really wanted to take advantage of the course since it’s so cheap! HK$100 for the entire course that will last for more than 3 months. It is a 3 hour session every Sunday. Not bad, eh? I will start on the 29th.
3. Confirmed that I will be participating in the upcoming “Pagbabalik” Exhibit of the Philippine Photographer’s Club – HK. I will commit two photos. This is certainly a dream come true. I know no one’s going to buy my images, since I will be exhibiting the ones that were taken when I was still using my low tech digital camera, but still!!! To become an exhibitor is an honor in itself.
4. Went swimming. It’s been months since I last dipped in a pool. I still used the kiddie pool.
5. Met up with a relative. It’s been a while since I last hugged somebody.
6. Read Cliff’s Notes of Edith Wharton’s “The Age of Innocence”. Call me a cheater, but I wasn’t really a fan of classics. A nice, telenovela-ish story.
7. Ate Cold Sabo Salad, a Japanese salad. I want more!
8. Applied for a Chinese visa. I am going to the Canton Fair next week.
Friday, April 13, 2007
syemay
chanced upon this in a peyups thread:
1. women who have not had sex by the age of 25, are more prone to ovarian cancer
2. women who have not given birth by the age of 25 are more prone to breast cancer, for some vague reason
oh no... time is running out!
then mojofly's tumatakbo rings in my head...
1. women who have not had sex by the age of 25, are more prone to ovarian cancer
2. women who have not given birth by the age of 25 are more prone to breast cancer, for some vague reason
oh no... time is running out!
then mojofly's tumatakbo rings in my head...
personality disorder
took this online personality disorder test. here are my results:
Your Results:
Disorder Rating Information
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: Very High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
i'm worried. have to consult a therapist soon.
wehe! ;)
Your Results:
Disorder Rating Information
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: Very High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
i'm worried. have to consult a therapist soon.
wehe! ;)