m gave me a book and it's called THE NO CONTACT RULE. just the perfect book for me right now.. self help books were not really my thing. yes i read them but i never follow. but this time, im going to get all the help i can get.
im reading the introduction now and baaam! bullseye! it's like the book was written for me.
must.read.this.now.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
ako na!
ako na ang pathetic. nakikinig ako buong araw sa 6 cycle mind kase (in my opinion) kamukha ni b ung vocalist nun. oo pathetic.
sabi ni m, makipagbalikan na lang daw ako kung di ko talaga kaya. kung feeling ko worthy sya. pero pag nangyari un, may nabago ba? ganun pa rin ung status nya. patuloy akong part ng isang kahangalan na wala namang pinupuntahan. un nga lang di ako masaya.
ayoko na mag-isip. shet.
sabi ni m, makipagbalikan na lang daw ako kung di ko talaga kaya. kung feeling ko worthy sya. pero pag nangyari un, may nabago ba? ganun pa rin ung status nya. patuloy akong part ng isang kahangalan na wala namang pinupuntahan. un nga lang di ako masaya.
ayoko na mag-isip. shet.
one month na kameng di nagkikita...
dear papa jesus,
pwede bang gawin mo na lang akong manhid?
kase ang hirap na e. kase sobrang sakit.
pinapasulat pa ko ng write up sa wedding ni a... how do you expect me to write about love and happy endings at this stage?
i try to see as much friends pero pag-uwi ko i still feel empty.. para akong naka-drugs na super saya pag naka-high. masaya. it's nice to catch up with friends. pero pag-uwi nawawala na ung effect, ganun naman ka-low ung feeling. as in extreme high and extreme low.
kailangan ko ng hug...
pwede bang gawin mo na lang akong manhid?
kase ang hirap na e. kase sobrang sakit.
pinapasulat pa ko ng write up sa wedding ni a... how do you expect me to write about love and happy endings at this stage?
i try to see as much friends pero pag-uwi ko i still feel empty.. para akong naka-drugs na super saya pag naka-high. masaya. it's nice to catch up with friends. pero pag-uwi nawawala na ung effect, ganun naman ka-low ung feeling. as in extreme high and extreme low.
kailangan ko ng hug...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
may kilig moment ako today....
hihihi... ayoko ikwento... baka majinx!
dear lord, kung ito ang way mo para makalimutan ko si b, pls pls dalas dalasan mo pa... mukhang wala namang patutunguhan un pero ok syang pampalipas ng oras. at saka masarap kiligin.
sa lahat ba naman ng pahirap ko these past few weeks, deserve ko naman ang konting kilig na to :)
more! more!
dear lord, kung ito ang way mo para makalimutan ko si b, pls pls dalas dalasan mo pa... mukhang wala namang patutunguhan un pero ok syang pampalipas ng oras. at saka masarap kiligin.
sa lahat ba naman ng pahirap ko these past few weeks, deserve ko naman ang konting kilig na to :)
more! more!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
getting there...
Sabi sa one more chance… kailangan mo ng 3 months para magmourn.
Grabe ito na ang magiging pinakamahabang 3 months ng buhay ko. Di ako ganun katapang. I also get defeated by loneliness, by memories.
Bigla kong nakita ung pics namin sa luma kong phone. We were so happy back then. Kahit wala kaming pera, masaya kaming nagluluto sa bahay. Masaya kaming nanonood ng downloaded movies habang magkayakap sa maliit kong kama.
But you know what… imbes na isipin ko kung ano ung nawala, iisipin ko na lang na swerte ko na lang na kahit pa’no naging masaya din ako ng mahigit dalawang taon. Mahabang panahon din un. Some people would kill to be happy for a few days. I should just be thankful that though it was be rough at times, it was blissful for quite a long period.
Let me just grieve over it. I’ll be ok soon.
Grabe ito na ang magiging pinakamahabang 3 months ng buhay ko. Di ako ganun katapang. I also get defeated by loneliness, by memories.
Bigla kong nakita ung pics namin sa luma kong phone. We were so happy back then. Kahit wala kaming pera, masaya kaming nagluluto sa bahay. Masaya kaming nanonood ng downloaded movies habang magkayakap sa maliit kong kama.
But you know what… imbes na isipin ko kung ano ung nawala, iisipin ko na lang na swerte ko na lang na kahit pa’no naging masaya din ako ng mahigit dalawang taon. Mahabang panahon din un. Some people would kill to be happy for a few days. I should just be thankful that though it was be rough at times, it was blissful for quite a long period.
Let me just grieve over it. I’ll be ok soon.
Friday, July 2, 2010
this is going to be my year of 'plans...finally!'
I've got so many things I've planned for years and this is my year of finally fulfilling them
- finding a new job.. After years of ranting about selling plates... Finally I'm out
- going to singapore. This trip is more than 5 yrs overdue. I've been planning on going there eversince I graduated and I finally did it!
- going solo backpack traveling. I did all the sheez.... Sleeping in trains, living in a hostel... And it's fun.. I am so used to going for what I wabt that's why my motto now would be: it's better to go there alone than not go at all because you don't have company. Yes it's lonely to eat alone and it's more costly because you pay the whole amenities that are good for a whole bunch of people... But I realize how long I take photos and the motobike rides.... I wouldn't be able to do those if I got comapny... Going solo is not bad at all.
- cut my hair short. This is the shortest it had been for the last 13 yrs! I look like a deranged lesbo but I never felt this free for a long time!! Long hair is just a big inconvenience!!
- going to yangshuo. I've planned on going here eversince I got to hk... After 4 yrs!
- back to the quest of finding realistic true love. Well it hasn't sank in completely as I'm still in the border of moving on... But I'll get there soon!
Now the thing that's left in my list? Getting a tattoo! I'll do it before my birthday. I am torn between 'pinay' or barcode lines with 'valiente'.... It's 40-60...
- finding a new job.. After years of ranting about selling plates... Finally I'm out
- going to singapore. This trip is more than 5 yrs overdue. I've been planning on going there eversince I graduated and I finally did it!
- going solo backpack traveling. I did all the sheez.... Sleeping in trains, living in a hostel... And it's fun.. I am so used to going for what I wabt that's why my motto now would be: it's better to go there alone than not go at all because you don't have company. Yes it's lonely to eat alone and it's more costly because you pay the whole amenities that are good for a whole bunch of people... But I realize how long I take photos and the motobike rides.... I wouldn't be able to do those if I got comapny... Going solo is not bad at all.
- cut my hair short. This is the shortest it had been for the last 13 yrs! I look like a deranged lesbo but I never felt this free for a long time!! Long hair is just a big inconvenience!!
- going to yangshuo. I've planned on going here eversince I got to hk... After 4 yrs!
- back to the quest of finding realistic true love. Well it hasn't sank in completely as I'm still in the border of moving on... But I'll get there soon!
Now the thing that's left in my list? Getting a tattoo! I'll do it before my birthday. I am torn between 'pinay' or barcode lines with 'valiente'.... It's 40-60...
Thursday, July 1, 2010
hello from yangshuo
Kung ang smoke quitters may relapse period, ako meron kay b. Exagg... Bawat na lang gawin ko parating may connection sa kanya! Kumakain ako ng noodles, naaalala ko ung cheap thrills namen sa eat together. Bawat kanta sa ipod ko, kung hindi nya kinanta or tinugtog sa gitara, maiisip ko na tinutugtog sa computer nya pag pinupuntahan ko sya. Lahat na lang! Pano ba makalimot? Kung ako lang tatanungin ko sya pa'no nya ko nakalimutan. Ito na ang pinakamatagal na period na di kame nagkikita at talagang ineemote ko ngayon.
Dear papa jesus, malapit na birthday ko.. Tutal naman di ako nanghingi ng wish last year.. Pwede bang bigyan m0 ng work si emmy and bena (one wish lang count nyan) and ung second, ung makalimutan si b. Kase kahit ako naririndi na sa kakaisip sa kanya. Promise I will be good. I won't be too bitchy until the year ends. Pretty pls?
Dear papa jesus, malapit na birthday ko.. Tutal naman di ako nanghingi ng wish last year.. Pwede bang bigyan m0 ng work si emmy and bena (one wish lang count nyan) and ung second, ung makalimutan si b. Kase kahit ako naririndi na sa kakaisip sa kanya. Promise I will be good. I won't be too bitchy until the year ends. Pretty pls?