:(

sorry i don't have any BS since yesterday.

im sad. i actually think im having depression once again.

even with all the plenty of people pestering me everyday, or with the friends i got... i still feel lonely. and empty. you know that feeling of emptiness... it's like you know that you miss something, but you dont know what makes you filled up.

it's the b thing. i dont know when i'd ever get over it. well maybe when something transpires between me and that friend... but it's very unlikely. anyway, up to now whenever i get out of the lift of my flat after work, i still feel that thug in my heart and the wish that i'd see him there, asking me to take him back. i would even look at the corridor just to check if maybe he was just hiding. everyday.

there were times when i entertain the idea that i made the wrong decision. the only thing that puts me back to my senses? the knowledge that i'd never see him outside my flat. i must be one of the shittiest persons in the world! im hoping for something i know will not ever happen.

whenever we go clubbing, i was telling my friend that i sometimes wonder why i dont see b. hk is such a small place that you'd surely meet an acquaintance one way or another. and then my friend goes: maybe he saw you first, then intentionally avoided you. my friends may be brutal, but they do tell the truth.

dear papa jesus, im not really asking for so much... but can you give me someone to fill that void. pwedeng magbigay ng preference? un na lang friend ko pls. utang na loob, un-gay him please! or at least let him not go the other way completely. pls tell him girls are nice. and i wont be a lunatic, promise.