2 years hence

today i am celebrating my second year anniversary in hong kong. i just got my new visa a couple of days ago, as sponsored by my old tech trading company. what better way to celebrate it than apply at other companies? what's that word again? oh yes, ingrate.

i was interviewed by no other than the consulate general of peru to hong kong this afternoon. i saw their advert yesterday and i immediately applied. half an hour later, they were setting up an interview the following day. how it turned out? it was the worst interview i had! firstly, it was spanish all throughout. i got dizzy with our conversation and they showed minimal to no interest on me at all! it was also a disadvantage that i don't speak putonghua or cantonese. and most importantly, they have to sponsor my visa. i wasn't really counting on it. the salary is only one grand more than what i am getting now. and the biggest catch? the chosen candidate shall be put under a three month probation. they can fire you within that period for whichever reason. im not really good at first impressions so i think i have to pass on that.

i still have lots of mouth to feed, and unemployment at this stage is a big 'no' in my vocabulary. somebody said that im so lucky to be here. a lot of people would kill to have my job. but put yourself in my shoes where you surround yourself with people who ask you everyday to check their simple emails. come on, how many times do i have to point out the difference between patience and patient? it's degrading to say the least. you expect to be pulled up, not stoop down to their level.

i went to the gym today after, let's see... four months! all my monthly payment down the drain. i may be the laziest person in the world but i have to admit that i missed going here. i consider it my sanctuary sweaty version with all the cute guys on the side. you just plug your ipod and all you have to concentrate on is how to lift 25kgs above your shoulder for twenty counts. nothing else matters. gym period is my retreat period.

anyway, with all the quiet and solitary time that my yoga class has given me, i made some realizations. it's just fair to assess myself. i've been here officially for two years now and what have i become?

i used to be ok. i loved my boring single life. i'd felt excitement if i could borrow a very good edition of nat geo back issue from the library. i felt a sense of accomplishment every time i receive an order from any of my customers. i felt special when people back home call me. it felt so good that i managed to finish a one hour dance class. the feeling is beyond description when i stroll the whole city taking photos by myself. i was full of life. i loved that me.

i thought 2008 would turn out to be a good year but when i look back, it's not even close to what i picture myself to be. now im an uncontented working class ingrate who sends out five job applications everyday. now im the overweight girl next door that got three giant life savers on her tummy, and more than half of her closet doesn't fit her anymore. now im the uninformed illiterate who never cares about the world - to think that she dreams of becoming a diplomat. and most importantly, now im the live-in partner of a married guy who's supporting a kid in pinas, in her own flat!

what have i become? have i lost my zest for life? i may be liberal and all, but shouldn't i still have my values intact?

this is not growing up. i should start fixing my life before it's too late.

let's take it one step at a time.