bff

it's my bff's birthday today. i haven't greeted her yet but ill call her tomorrow. it's quite late now and she may be exhausted with her family reunions and all.

we've been close close friends for ten years now. she was one of the few people who talked to me genuinely when i was the only one transferred to the first section during our high school sophomore year from the most notorious section our school has ever had. she's one of the most lovable persons i know that's why i didn't get too surprised if a lot of people fell for her. i just wished i could protect her from those bastards who hurt her. we both have strong personalities, and sometimes people tend to overlook that and ignore our feelings. we cry. we get disappointed. we feel empty. we get hurt.

we only had two real fights - one was during our hs senior year because of that crazy bitch whose name isn't worth mentioning. the other one was more of a falling out due to a possessive past relationship, who ironically is her friend now. haha!

i could not imagine an easy life without her around. who would calm my nerves during my hypochondriac moments? who would speak ill of my ex's who know nothing but become possessive and/or become dependent then later on blame me for being controlling (as in what i want to hear that time and not necessarily her thoughts)? who would pimp me through my crushees? oh i still cant forget what she did during my 16th birthday!!! waaaahhh!!!

bottomline is, i am thankful that i got her for a bestfriend. papa jesus is good to me afterall. with all the shemexes all these years, i got by with her love and support. i hope that even if i am physically absent most of time, she can feel that im proud on how she has become and that i always wish her happiness and peace of mind.

once in a while i imagine what my life would be like ten, twenty years from now. i've been doing it since i was a teenager. there were realistic and exaggerated fantasies. i may have a mansion in one, or become married to a prince on the other, or become a fisherman's wife on the next one. my romantic attachments or material aspirations may change, but she's always there, together with our trusted hs friends. a constant in my life, whoever i've become. im pretty damn sure that we'll grow old as cool senior citizens bragging to our grand children how we overcame everything watching each other's back.

happy birthday emmy!

preggers

call me selfish, bitch at kung ano pang maisip mo, pero di ka ba naiinis sa mga officemates mo na nabubuntis? i know discriminatory and that cheesy line about life being a gift could be easily raised, pero naman!!! nung sa thomson, halinhinan silang magbuntis. there was a time i was doing the work of 3 peeps, dahil lahat either nakamaternity leave or kailangan magpacheck up. nakakainis minsan. imagine, 3 months! 3 months extra ang work mo! 3 months kang nagkakandahumahog tapusin trabaho nila kung wala ka namang kinalaman sa paggawa ng baby. dapat may proteksyon din ung mga workers na sumasalo ng trabaho nila.

tulad nitong officemate ko.. since apr 07 ako na sumasalo ng work nya. apr - june 07 ako nagcover kase nakunan sya. then ayaw magpaawat. gawa ulit sya. sinwerte. nakabuo ng oct 07. e dahil nakunan na, delikado daw magbuntis. so pahinga ulit ng 3 mos. ako na naman un! oct - dec 07. then manganganak naman. wala na sya ng may 08 para makapahinga. nung august 08 na bumalik. then last week dapat imimeet namin sya sa train station dahil pupunta kameng lahat sa canton. di sumipot. kase nagpacheck up daw the day before at nalamang preggers nga sya. ngayon unti unti nya ng pinapasa work nya saken. after one week long vacation na naman sya. naku naman... three months na naman???

kala ko naman napahinga nako onti sa demanding accounts nya.. syemay...

i should not be saying this since babae ako at baka mabuntis din ako soon... pero naman! ako nga todo ingat tapos sya parang nananadya. imagine, 6 mos lang sya pumapasok every year!!! ako for 6 mos doble ang trabaho... arrrrggggg!!! to think i abhor my job, then you have to double the pressure!!!

iseshare ko lang...

sobrang tawa ako dito.. i got this from chico garcia's site where he compiles their top ten's for the day.

this is the winner for the topic: Signs That Things Have Gone Terribly Wrong, from username acer.


IF YOU WAKE UP AND YOUR THINGY AIN'T UP.


haha! how true?! the fear of all men.. haha!

kamatayan

my great grandma died yesterday. she was about 100 years old.

sya nagpalaki sa tataj ko bec his mother died while he was 4.

my aunt in the province called my dad last week, saying that his grandma seemed to be on her last days, and it would be nice to have her see him before she breathes her last life. my dad said he'll just wait for her to die and then saka sya luluwas...

ang mean. naiinis ako sa tataj ko for doing that. i mean sya ung nagpalaki sa kanya tapos ganun.. inuna pa nila inisip ung pera, ung tindahan, ung aso, ung xlt. i only saw her once and i've a vague memory of her. but sometimes, when you're bounded by financial burdens, you're just powerless. or sometimes, you just have a set of priorities. sadly, some people are assigned with lowest tier level.

but it got me thinking, pag kaya mamamatay ako, meron kayang mga taong iiwan ang present lives nila at luluwas ng pagkalayo layo makita lang ako for the last time? im thinking and parang iilang tao lang ang maaasahan kong gagawa nun for me. it's not about the drama, but it makes me scared.. im not really a lovable person, and i think if im gone, they'll just shrug it off their shoulders.

what if when im fifty at di kame magkatuluyan ni b? tapos di sya papayagan ng asawa nya na magpaalam man lang saken? what if im sixty tapos si bff nasa states at di maiwan ang hospital nya? what if im seventy tapos my younger sister cannot go to my place because she's bounded by a disease as well?

im scared of growing old.
im scared of being dependent.
im scared of fatal diseases.
im scared of being forgotten by people that i used to be so attached with.
im scared of death.

love is blind

i got this from newsweek magazine. specifically from an article made by dr michael craig miller which talks about cognitive neuroscience.


...there's a scientific evidence that love really is blind; romantic love turns down or shuts off activity in the reasoning part of the brain and the amygdala. In the context of passion, the brain's judgment and fear centers are on leave. Love also shuts down the centers necessary to mentalize or sustain a theory of mind. Lovers stop differentiating you from me.

so you see, our brains make us do it. we're fools because we have foolish brains... and if you're lucky, you can be the happiest fool there is.

ang magaling kong kapatid...

b and i have been together for quite a while. but would you believe that the members of my family don't even have any slight idea on how he looks like?

so my sister and i have been emailing now. she voluntarily sends me her recent pics.

i sent back a pic of me with b. what did she say?

cute naman pala si b. mukhang mabait.

ako naman: oo mabait. under sakin un.. haha!

at ang winner na hirit ng kapatid ko na nagmana saken? pakita mo pics ko kay b. iiwan ka nyan. hehe...

langya! the bitch! haha! aylavet!

update

i bought the punch ball set. it's really good. b liked it too..

to the tune of katty perry's famous song:

i bought a box kit and i liked it..

haay, im half a grand poorer.

kebs na! what if mamatay na ko tom? di ko na madadala datung ko sa langit.

aaahhh!!!

on my way to get my chinese visa (it's canton fair again! bummer!), i passed by a fitness store... i've been obsessed about trying to lose weight! finally it hit me! im so big that i wear the only pair of slacks that would fit me - 6 days a week! it's disheartening to know that i am now wearing large sizes when i've always been an small size girl. i want to start wearing my clothes again. i have a closet full of clothes that i don't get to wear.

i promised my mom and bestfriend that i would lose weight before the year ends. it's never too late.

back to the story about the store, i want to get that hula hoop with lots of colours! i used to be a hula hoop champion when i was a kid.

and that boxing kit! it's so tempting! i want one!

syet, looks like i'm going to use my kupit money.... i always said that i'll only use it for emergency. this is definitely an emergency.

b!

let's stay in love.

yiiii-ha!

:)

the bloody chinese national holiday fireworks show

how about waiting for a few hours, let's say three, for a fireworks show? wait, but only to be completely covered by smoke after the first pop? haaay... we thought we got a good location at the top of ifc mall but it turned out to be the worst. just when i have plenty of lenses and a good camera to boot, ngayon pa nagka leche leche sa location. boohoo!

this is the only 'good' shot that i got. obviously it was the first shot.. everything else was bleh... and it's an understatement.

i even had to edit it with photoshop. ya! ya!

tai o photoshoot

another photo shoot organized by ppc-hk.. this would have to be the session with the most number of participants, more experienced model (the guy model posed for time magazine, ck, etc), lots of food, better camaraderie. though can i just say i'm the most unfortunate passenger ever? we were stranded in the middle of nowhere because our bus gave up on us. an hour travel time became three. haayyy... anyway, sige na, pictures! oo na, gwapo ung guy! yummy!

models: mae, miel, jake
mua: bibot

my very first hdr

remember when i posted a year ago about my photo of the mexican arts theatre which my friend dave hdr'd? now i equipped with a dslr, a laptop and more time to stay home, im able to process my photos the high dynamic range way.

i never thought it's so hard.. you need to tweak them using three different softwares and boy, for a person who tries it for the first time, i needed three hours. damn, it's really hard! but i'm proud on how it turned out. but still a lot of things to learn...


original photo



the altered version


i swear you'll appreciate it on larger view. so what are you waiting for? click the pictures! now! quick!

gifts expo fair moscow 2008

The last Russian Fair was a concoction of good and bad elements. I knew it would be…ahmmm…let’s just say…. different. It would be like a 6 year old going to her first school bus ride. She’d be alone, facing the bullies, acquiring friends as soon as she can. That’s how you cope, right? Acquiring as many allies as early as possible so you won’t have a traumatic experience that will scar you for life.

Anyway, we may not have a formal organizing committee, but at least the delegates HKEA (HK Exporters Assoc) volunteered to step up and take care of their co-exhibitors. There were four exhibitors from HK – a cosmetic, souvenir, an export servicing company, and house ware. There were ten of us, set to conquer the land of the unfriendly Russians.

Ok now here I go… Can I just say this?! I was so disillusioned! Russians are the least friendly people in the world. Ok, forget that they’re pretty and tall, you pervert. I am talking about the service people not trying to reach out to customers. On second hour after landing, we were trying to buy a sim card at a booth in some mall. I’m obviously a non-Russian with my petite structure, flat nose, brown skin, plus I was with three other Chinese peeps. Before we could even open our mouth trying the usual hand gestures and occasional writing little notes, one blonde saleslady who bore the least accommodating face you could ever see butted in and said “Nyit” (‘No’ for Russian). She didn’t even know what we were looking for! The bitch! Ok, I understand that they are not really obligated to learn English for bloody foreigners, but how about a simple smile? You can pretend to listen to this little person’s queries and then say Nyit as many times as you want then look like you tried to help her, but you just couldn’t. That’s simple common sense customer service! It’s surprising how they try to become the world’s next superpower, when they obviously do not have international relation skills. My translator told me they were educated to act that way. She’s been a student at Moscow State University for six years now and she admits that she still feels alienated every single day. Had it not been for her Chinese friends at the same university, she would not make it through another day. She calls it torture.

Let me share this story she relayed to me. It happened six years ago, but I bet newcomers in Russia experience this everyday.

Background: She was buying water. How hard could it be to buy water, right? She was trying to point what she wanted. But this vendor was in the mood to do some power tripping on a little Chinese girl. Conversation was Russian.

L(translator): Can I buy ‘that’ water?
V(vendor): What do you want, sparkling or still? 1.5L or 750ml? Brand?
L: I just want that water. (in broken Russian)
V: What are you doing in Russia when you don’t speak our language?
L: That’s why I’m here, to learn Russian.
V: Ok, let’s put it this way. You learn Russian from your school. Don't go out. If you can speak it fluently, go back here and buy water from me!

Bitch, right? Haayyy… In fairness to them, there are nice Russians, too. I dropped my scarf and one guy told me where I left it.

What else?! A-ya! Don’t forget the insanely good breakfast buffet at the hotel! It’s a glutton’s paradise! How about a Chocolate Fountain first thing in the morning? And they have this best cereal meal in the world! It’s like the Cerelac baby food which you have to admit you still love up to now! The hotel is better this time, when we talk about space and all. I got a bathtub, too! Haayy… if money had not been an issue, I’ll get a giant bathtub in my giant bathroom! The hotel location is not so good though. The area is known for roaming policemen out to arrest tourists without any reason just to extort money.

And since I’m alone this time, I got the two-bed hotel all to myself. Nobody’s asking me to clear my luggage, or telling me to go to bed early.

I was able to go to the Red Square once again. I’d always love that place. It’s just b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l! I can stare at the St. Basil’s Cathedral all day! We were able to go to St Michael’s Church, too! My gosh! It’s the biggest Catholic Church I’ve gone so far! I got dizzy with all the saints clad in gold and mural paintings!

Oh! Oh! The Fair also featured a Philippine pavilion! I bought different handcrafted accessories and chimes! It was really nice to be bonding with the Cebuano exhibitors! You’d be proud to see how they get good business with Russian customers. Blockbuster! And dig this, their famous governor came over for photo taking! Imagine, wasting taxpayer's money just to have that photo op?! She could have shown her support to the exhibitors in another way, but she didn't.

And the very last good thing about travelling alone?! Unlimited budget! Haha! Well not really unlimited-unlimited.. But at least nobody questions the restaurants we should go to.. We were eating at Sbarro for five straight days! Ok, let me tell you a secret… All those accessories, Russian beauty products, etc.. etc… paid by the company! Haha! Just a little tweaking on the expense report, and voila! ALL expenses paid! Haha! I know they’re wondering how I could spend so much alone… Well, just make sure to collect receipts from the nearby table… Clever.. Clever… They don’t understand the Russian characters in the receipts anyway!

Wait, wait, scrap that… The very last good thing about travelling alone, in Russia? Bonding time with Lena, my translator/interpreter. She was with us last year as well so she practically knows how to go about our price list and answer queries. She’s so good that I was like 70% absent at the booth. I might be out buying lunch, taking my time to the washroom, going out with fellow exhibitors for sightseeing during office hours, or visiting the Philippine booth. And for the remaining 30%, I was really mentally absent. Blame the emails that I still had to answer when I return to the hotel. Since we are the same age, we understand each other’s drama. And it was nice having to talk to a girl-friend again about dreams, relationships, plans, crises.. haayy… now I miss my bestfriend.

Photos soon…

if i get the 'dream job' that i've been praying for...

- i can finally get a postgraduate diploma in education

- i can also enroll in this diploma in library and info science distance learning at the same time

- i can go for swimming and tennis lessons on weekends

- i can move to a better environment. i can get a beachfront apartment. or to place accessible only by ferry. and then i'll drive a bike up to my humble flat

- i can go for vacation more often

- i can become less nasty. i can be less stressed out. i can love what im doing and i can enjoy waking up every morning looking forward to going to the office


please please papa jesus... i never wanted anything thiiis bad... i can feel that this is the answer to my everything. please please...